bawrai Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Hey, I am 19 years old I live in England with my family, and I am virgin I know I am not gay but few days back I didn't know what am I until I was watching this documentary about hitler and where they mentioned he might be asexual and what asexual is....I do wank but I don't get why do I have to have sex.... Idk what to do... My mate says I should just try to have sex once and see how it feel but idk why I just don't want to.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Pofessional Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 People say Hitler was gay. People say Hitler was Illuminati. People say Hitler was a lizard demon wearing human skin. People say Hitler did this and that. If you are asexual, then you don't experience sexual attraction for any gender. Think of sexual attraction as "That is a sexy human. I would like to have sex with that human", versus sexual desire which is "I would like to do a sexy thing", like touching your nethers. But hey, sometimes it's not that clear cut. People identify as gray-asexual if they sometimes experience sexual attraction for whatever reason. And people who are demisexual only get the sexy hots for people if they have some kind of deep emotional connection. That's your crash course. Don't have sex if you don't want to, it's not worth it. Go with your gut. Please forgive my horrendous Western Canadian vocabulary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Moving to Asexual Q&A from JFF +Pookzar, JFF moderator Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bawrai Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I am so confused Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CosineTheCat Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Don't ever feel like you have to have sex with anyone. It should be something that you find enjoyable to do and if you're forcing yourself to do it, then that is not enjoyable. If you feel that you are super confused, check out some of the references and ask questions, we are here to help and hopefully help you come to terms with your asexuality. I'm going to post a picture describing the different types of attraction, hopefully it helps a little bit. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Hello, and welcome to AVEN!! :cake: Asexuality is a rather unknown orientation. People who are asexual are people who do not experience sexual attraction and/or do not desire partnered sex. If you've never heard of asexuality before, I would recommend doing a bit of research on this site so that you can better understand it. Places like the FAQs ( http://www.asexuality.org/home/?q=general.html ) might be a good place to start. If you don't want to have sex, it's likely you could be somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but ultimately that is up to you to decide. Keep researching, and do your best to understand the different types of attraction mentioned in CosineTheCat's graphic so that you can better differentiate what you are feeling. If you do that, hopefully you will have an answer soon enough. And if not, that's okay- don't be afraid to continue to ask questions! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bawrai Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 No I mean how do I tell my family? They are religious? I don't want no one to hate me? I just feel so down I don't know what to do.... Thanks for all the help tho Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kaydrek Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 No I mean how do I tell my family? They are religious? I don't want no one to hate me? I just feel so down I don't know what to do.... Thanks for all the help tho If you don't mind me jumping into the conversation, I would say that it kind of depends on your family's religion. Sometimes, asexuality is view negatively by religion, however, in some cases, people actually see asexuality as a kind of pure thing. Don't quote me on that. Maybe you could casually bring it up and see their reactions to it before you actually tell them anything? Just a suggestion. As for you feeling down about it, I'm sorry. I get were you're coming from. It's confusing and difficult. Our ages are kind of close, and I know how strange it is for people around our age to not be thinking of sex when a lot of people in our age group are starting (or have already started) to have sex. I can't tell you the exact reason why you feel so down, but maybe it stems from feeling like you're all alone. If that's the case, than I think you did yourself pretty good by looking into it and finding more people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bawrai Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Thanks for the reply and my dad's family is Sikh and mom's Christian my nan knows but she is happy that I am not gay...idk how to tell my girlfriend that I don't WANA have sex...I don't WANA loss her we been together for nearly a year and she tried so many times I stopped I feel like if I don't she gonna dump me soon :/ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bawrai Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I feel suicidal...cuz you guys don't know me I hope u don't judge me... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
givememyname Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 You don't have to tell your family, not right now anyway. You can tell them whenever you're ready (or not at all, it's your choice) Now concerning your girlfriend... She must be a bit confused because you don't want to have sex with her. Why don't you start by saying that you're simply not ready? You've just discovered that you might be asexual. I think you need to take time for yourself, you need to think about it. Why don't you read a few threads on the forums and you'll realise that a lot of people are going through what you're going through. It's going to be alright! We're all asexuals here (well, most of us are) and we're okay! ^_^ If you're feeling suicidal, please talk to someone about it though. Anyone in your family you could talk to? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bawrai Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I am Afriad that she gonna dump me like other girl just because I don't WANA have sex :/ idk shall I just do it or not? That fact I gonna loss her I just don't WANA Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bawrai Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Well she just dumped me :/ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
givememyname Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Well she just dumped me :/ Sorry to hear that. Did you come out to her? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Welsh Ace Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 You don't have to tell your parents anything if you do not want too. "Coming out" is an option not an obligation and you should only do it if you feel safe and are ready to do so. But if you still having sucidal thoughts please talk to someone. If you do not have trusted person you can talk too please call one of these numbers (both UK) Smaritans: 08457 90 90 90 CALM (a sudicial crisis helpline for young men): 0800 58 58 58 (nationwide) 0808 802 58 58 (London) Both of these numbers are confidential and anonymous. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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