Romantically interested for the first time ever

[Gradient]

Pardon me as I vent some emotions.

Now, I've never actually been romantically interested in anyone before (save for one case of short-lived infatuation). I thought I might have had some other crushes in the past, but I realize in retrospect that they would be better described as squishes (those feelings were purely platonic). So, how do I know the romantic feelings I presently have are legitimate?

Simply put, they've been developing over the course of 6-7 years, ever since I saw first the girl in question and thought something along the lines of "she looks really adorable and smart". Then, as we became friends, my feelings for her evolved into sheer, absolute respect. As if she was the most respectable person who ever lived, and I was hardly worthy of her presence. Still, I didn't actually want to pursue a relationship. During our high school careers, I felt like romance was a low priority for me at the time (and I was right), so I didn't ask her out on a date. Or anybody, for that matter. And, if I remember correctly, she didn't seem to be desperate for relationships either (spoiler: she's asexual, and once I found that out, it didn't take long before I realized that I, too, fancy the cake).

Then, in our post-high school lives (in which I learn that I'm not currently college-ready, while she deals with some difficulties herself), we meet again as co-workers at a fast food restaurant (which I no longer work at, thankfully). And that's around the time when I realized that I might just be romantically interested in her, after all. We had a few conversations that good friends typically have, and before I knew it, she was gone again, back in college for another pair of semesters. Even so, I don't regret my inaction. I was... in a bad place during that summer. I suffered from terrible anxiety and depression, and had recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADD. As much as I would've liked to try for a relationship, I determined that I needed to work on myself first.

But that was last summer. I've grown a heck of a lot since then.

In the past few months alone, I finally found the truth about my sexual orientation, my depression/anxiety became manageable, my ability to hold a conversation dramatically improved, and I got a job as a systems (read: IT) guy at a local supermarket (a million times better than fast food service, for sure). I've scored more personal victories than the Karate Kid, and I'm riding high on a tidal wave of self-confidence. So, I've put relationships, platonic or otherwise, much higher on the agenda. And with that on the agenda, my mind returns to her once more, and I recognize that my feelings for her are surely romantic (although, I'm also sure I can find a way to survive as "just friends" since, holy hell, I've really built up an obscene amount of respect for her, her boundaries, and her desires).

The catch is, I haven't seen her in almost a year (of course), I don't have a good way to contact her or see how she's been doing lately, and she (of course) doesn't yet know about the 180° turn I've pulled. Crap. It seems as if my feelings are getting ahead of my reality, and I've been trying to stop them, but as time goes by, it's been more and more difficult to keep my head straight. Thankfully, I have some methods of recourse. I could explain a bit of my situation to my friends, who might be able to help me reconnect with her at some point in the near future (some of my friends are also her friends). I could also be direct and show up at her front doorstep, but frankly, I'm not that bold, and I'm afraid that would send the wrong message. I'm think something more along the lines of: "Hey, I'm ace, your ace, we're on solid terms... perhaps it would nice to hang out more?"

/end venting session

[ACWells]

I say look her up on facebook or email her. So she can process the information in an unthreatened way (ie without you hovering hoping for an answer). She may be aromantic. You probably need to make it clear what you want in an un-scary way. Either way... You should probably say all this to her :)

Big congrats on all the self-growth too BTW!

[Gradient]

I say look her up on facebook or email her. So she can process the information in an unthreatened way (ie without you hovering hoping for an answer). She may be aromantic. You probably need to make it clear what you want in an un-scary way. Either way... You should probably say all this to her :)

Big congrats on all the self-growth too BTW!

Good news is she's panromantic (or so I'm told).

Bad news is she's not active on Facebook and I can't find her email address. :(

[Gradient]

Okay, I got good(ish) news from her mom, which made me feel better. I did basically all I could given the circumstances, without crossing any lines (as far as I can tell), and the ball is presently in her court. If it's too little, too late, then I guess I'll chalk it up as a learning experience. :/