Could romantic relationships be taken from an indifferent perspective?

[Lord Jade Cross]

I apologize if this has been asked before, but I'm confused as to the nature of relationships. Many times people already say they want one (sexual or asexual) so there's the desire to start with. But in the same sense as at times we say that we wouldn't mind things but at the same time, not need them, could relationships be seen in a similar matter?

I don't mean as in treating a person as a thing, just to be clear.

[The Great WTF]

I'm... not sure I understand the question.

Do you mean to ask if some people can have a 'take it or leave it' attitude towards relationships? If so, then yes. Some people feel like they have to be in a relationship to be happy, some like the idea but don't think it's a major priority, and others don't particularly care one way or another. It's all down to personal feelings and needs. I love my partner and I'm happy with him, but it's not the end-all, be-all of my life. If we break up one day, then we break up, and I don't really see myself being with anyone else because I've just never cared much for relationships. I'm still wondering how I ended up with him in the first place, not that I'm complaining.

Honestly, if I didn't have him, I'd probably just live by myself or move in with my mother or my brother. They don't require nearly as much attention or feeding and being an archaeologist who specializes in cultures that often require going into areas of extreme danger to work isn't exactly good for the nerves of the partner(s) I'd have to leave behind.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Interesting perspective. I only ever heard a similar thing being mentioned once in real life. I was with a teacher of mine back in middle school. She said that relationships were something that were as a take it or leave it thing. That they didn't need to be overly important (I imagine she was referring to the attitude of "I must be in one") but that it didn't mean that you couldn't be in one, if you decided upon it.

[Star Bit]

If you're talking about being romance indifferent, then yes. Some ppl go by that or may use its recently coined orientation form Apathromantic. Root word being apathy.

[Rhi-Zhuk]

A casual relationship, maybe that's what you're thinking of? I mean, sure, I think relationships can be all the shades of grey in between CLINGY AS FRAK and I DON'T CARE AT ALL.

[Lord Jade Cross]

What would you consider a casual relationship?

[Lord Jade Cross]

Something else came to mind. How would a the usual settings for a relationship change if it were the case that it was romance indifferent? Isn't it usually the case that there has to be a strong desire to form and maintain the relationship? So if it was based on a take it leave it mentality, how would it affect the outcome compared to a "I want a relationship to work"?

[The Great WTF]

That would depend entirely on the people. Being indifferent doesn't mean being less willing to try to make it work. In theory they would be more realistic about the end when it comes and not try to cling, but even that is really going to vary from person to person. Sometimes we stick a relationship as much because it's familiar and safer than we think life will be without it.

[Fire & Rain]

I would say I used to have that attitude. For me that desire to be in a romantic relationship wasn't there. I was in romantic relationship just of the sake of being in one because it seemed like the normal thing to do at a young age. So basically, I didn't care what would happen to those romantic relationships and they were all long termed ones. One of my partners cheated a lot. I didn't care one bit. When I ended those relationships, I didn't get sad either because I didn't care.

To answer your question. It's entirely possible. I don't need or desire romantic relationships at all. I'm sure there are people like me out there.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I see.

[Lord Jade Cross]

For me personally, I'm somewhat conflicted by the idealism of relationships. I guess it could be an effect of having grown up in a dysfunctional family where there were alot "shoulds" but hardly enough "is" or "are" and love was especially among these.

Still even without taking that into account, by logic, I cannot agree with the usual dynamics and ideals of love. For instance, I don't believe in the faery tale definition of love which was traditionally the "love at first sight" or infatuation/obsession as I would refer to it. It is impossible (or at least very difficult) to believe that such a thing happens just like that, and even more incredulous that it can last until it reaches a "happily ever after".

I'm also lost as to why people claim that they "need" a partner. I know it's said that humans are social creatures and all but this tends to be over exaggerated in my opinion. I have studied behavioral psychology and there are way too many factors for this to be a "prime" rule of humans, which people claim that all humans feel. True a majority does this but like in statistics, if even 1% of an equation doesn't "fit", the outcome is not absolute and so this rule that is said to be universal (or very strongly believed so) is not absolute.

[Lord Jade Cross]

In the past,I had a few people claim to be interested in me,some where more direct than others, but I paid them no mind in that regard. Again, I guess my past may have a hand in this as I don't exactly have the best view on people for many things they did in the past.

Still, it would be unfair to judge absolutely everyone the same, even though many times, it certainly does seem to be that absolutely everyone is the same.

Moreover, I had heard various opinions on how love changes over time. The first few are all about the "power of love", but with time and financial needs, this changes and it becomes less about feelings and more about how will the other person affect me.

There are many other factors that make me question the overall idealism of love and all its subsequent effects.