manny-senpai Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So I am gonna guess that there are people on this website that use fetlife. I was wondering if it is worth a shot. How have your experiences been with using that social media platform. Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Be very careful with it. It's a fetish site, so there's naturally going to be some creepers there. I've heard a lot of horror stories about it. In my own experience there, I keep mostly to myself and just browse the groups there. I have seen profiles that send off huge red flags and have posted about them in my own groups on facebook about who to avoid, why there's red flags, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
manny-senpai Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Thank you for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Like any website, there will be scum on there-but if you manage to find your niche it's alright. I use it mainly for community building, because there are groups dedicated to specific queer identities (I know not everyone considers asexuality a queer identity, but there are groups for asexuality on there as well). It's worth a shot, at the very least. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I'm a pretty active user on Fetlife and I'm going to be honest, I've met more interesting and genuinely kind people there than anywhere else on the net, other than AVEN.There are asexual Fet groups but I don't spend too much time there, I'm in the more fet-based groups, less to do with sexuality and more to do with the fetishes themselves.Of all the hundreds of people I've talked to there, I've only had two, that's right two, question my asexuality and act like it's bad. Pretty sure I've had more people diss my asexuality here than over there, weird as it sounds.So yeah, I'd never encourage anyone under the age of 18 to go there, and women especially always need to be alert for the usual sexual predators etc (though I've met a lot less there than anywhere else online - except here) ..Also, extremely graphic sexual imagery everywhere you turn (I know some asexuals hate that stuff) but other than that, I personally would recommend it as something to try out and see if you like. Link to post Share on other sites
Thae86 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 CN: rape, rape culture I personally had a bad experience on there, and then went I contacted the person in the group responsible for helping survivors/victims/wev you refer to yourself as, in those situations, I was blamed for it. I have obviously experienced one of the worst things that can happen in Fetlife, and don't expect that it's something that is common. So, as with any social situation *sigh*...I wish I could just say "rapists, don't rape people", because that's where the responsibility lies, NOT with anyone else. So........yes, be careful. That's all I'll say. And have fun, because it is a fun place. Just not entirely safe. In BDSM, I heard it said somewhere (I tried to find the article, but couldn't), there's this false sense of safety because "Oh, well BDSM is all about consent and communication!". So people, even in the group, think "well of course there isn't a predator, it's all fun and safe!". Just be aware of that as well. I hope I'm not scaring you off, because really, saying "this one place is totally NOT safe, don't go there, there are predators for sure!" is supporting the rape culture. It's victim blaming too. So definitely check it out :) Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 CN: rape, rape culture *potentially trigger warning?* There's some groups on there that're literally dedicated to rape....so....yeah. I understand that falls under the RISK umbrella, but I know lots of people who really aren't ok with that kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
manny-senpai Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Yeah I'm not into that sort of thing. Personally I think it is morally wrong. Thanks for the heads up you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 maybe start off by limiting the amount of personal information you make available while you get the lay of the land and whatnot Link to post Share on other sites
manny-senpai Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 maybe start off by limiting the amount of personal information you make available while you get the lay of the land and whatnot Yeah. I only intend to write why I'm there exploring on such a site, What I think I'm into and what I think I'm not into. Not writing anything personal. The only personal thing I have on my profile is Manny (nickname) and my birthday which they make you put. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 maybe start off by limiting the amount of personal information you make available while you get the lay of the land and whatnot Yeah. I only intend to write why I'm there exploring on such a site, What I think I'm into and what I think I'm not into. Not writing anything personal. The only personal thing I have on my profile is Manny (nickname) and my birthday which they make you put. That's good. Im not sure of the sites setup is like but maybe turn off private or anonymous communication if thats a thing, just to keep away creeps till you know who you like and who you dont Ive actually been considering creating a profile too but its a bit indimidating. Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 CN: rape, rape culture *potentially trigger warning?* There's some groups on there that're literally dedicated to rape....so....yeah. I understand that falls under the RISK umbrella, but I know lots of people who really aren't ok with that kind of thing. As in rape-rape, or like as in rape fantasy? Where both parties have consented and it's just to play out a fantasy? Sorry for just jumping in, but I am having a hard time wrapping my head around a site that allows people to discuss their desire to rape. Link to post Share on other sites
Schrecken Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I have been on Fetlife for close to a year now, and I've had good luck so far. I met my very first ever romantic (and sexual) relationship there last fall, and I got in with some local groups and have gotten to know people in the area. If you are ever looking to meet people, IMO one of the best ways is to go to local events. Of course no guarantee that there won't be creeps there, but it is much easier to vet and check out local people than it is someone who just sends you a message online. And if you do start talking online to someone local, you can plan to meet them at local events as you will be around other people in the kink scene and you can find out if that person is known and respected locally. But, as someone else said, I do not at all like the graphic imagery the site is loaded with (I'd honestly rather look at a rotting roadkill with a magnifying glass!). The avatars are pretty small but still, if you don't like looking at someone's genitals, you will likely be rudely assailed by such avatar pics ever so often. I just try to ignore them. The good thing is that (other than the avatars) it is pretty easy to avoid looking at pics, as they are not displayed in discussion groups or anything. And on profiles the pics are down at the bottom, so you can read about someone and never have to scroll all the way down to their pictures if you don't want to see that kind of stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 CN: rape, rape culture *potentially trigger warning?* There's some groups on there that're literally dedicated to rape....so....yeah. I understand that falls under the RISK umbrella, but I know lots of people who really aren't ok with that kind of thing. As in rape-rape, or like as in rape fantasy? Where both parties have consented and it's just to play out a fantasy? Sorry for just jumping in, but I am having a hard time wrapping my head around a site that allows people to discuss their desire to rape. Fantasy, consensual non-consent etc Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 CN: rape, rape culture *potentially trigger warning?* There's some groups on there that're literally dedicated to rape....so....yeah. I understand that falls under the RISK umbrella, but I know lots of people who really aren't ok with that kind of thing. As in rape-rape, or like as in rape fantasy? Where both parties have consented and it's just to play out a fantasy? Sorry for just jumping in, but I am having a hard time wrapping my head around a site that allows people to discuss their desire to rape. Fantasy, consensual non-consent etc Ah, ok. I'm fine with that. As long as there's consent on both sides, (or consensual non-consent) than I have zero issue with rape fantasies. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesjackson8 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I've been on fetlife pretty much since it came out and I have had mostly fun positive experiences on there. I very big part of my sexuality is kink and it helps me socialize and meet fun people who share my interests. Plus I have lots of fun on there as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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