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Is being aroused normally easy to notice by oneself?


Francoise Wang

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Francoise Wang

(TMI warning)

I'm a female asexual. And I've seen many people (sexual or asexual) discussing about getting aroused in many situations. And I've always wondered, how do people know whether they're physically aroused or not?

I mean, for a male bodied person, I guess it's easy to tell, because male body would have an erection, and it's easy too see it even with pants on.

But I've always have difficulty to tell whether I'm aroused or not. I know female body would have certain reactions when getting physically aroused, such as getting "wet", clitoral erection, etc. But if I don't take off my pants and touch my genital to check if these things are happening on my genital, how do I know whether I'm aroused or not? Sometimes I tried to figure out whether I'm aroused or not without touching my genital, but I really can't tell.

So does this means that I'm actually not aroused, because if I am aroused, there would be some special feeling that I would definitely notice even without touching my genital to check it? Or it is indeed difficult to tell for all the female bodied people?

I do masturbate regularly, and have orgasm while masturbating. But it's very rare for me to have any "special feeling" on my genital when I'm not masturbating, or the feeling is so weak that it's unnoticeable to me.

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I have a friend studying in the medical field who told me that according to studies most women did not know enough to recognize when they were aroused.

For me, I can recognize arousal as a tingly feeling, or a sort of "heaviness" down there. Some sort of sense of anticipating pleasure. The feeling was a stronger when I first entered puberty--back then, the tingling sometimes had a "fiery" sort of sensation. I think my libido toned down over the years.

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I think it's perhaps a little oversimplified to assume male arousal is just erections. From my experience, that doesn't always occur. Many times it's a few days of general discomfort and building rage before I realize that I've been forgetting something, unfortunately, very important. It's not always easy to regonize, especially if it's something you'd rather not think about (or don't enjoy).

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Tarfeather

I think it's perhaps a little oversimplified to assume male arousal is just erections. From my experience, that doesn't always occur. Many times it's a few days of general discomfort and building rage before I realize that I've been forgetting something, unfortunately, very important. It's not always easy to regonize, especially if it's something you'd rather not think about (or don't enjoy).

That sounds more like sexual tension than arousal. It does lead to more frequent arousal, yes, but it's not the same as arousal.

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Rising Sun

Female arousal feels like having a pulsating sensation (heartbeat) on the clitoris when it's starting. It's just a simple physical reaction.

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Physical arousal for me involves a bit of tightness/tingling in the area. And my body produces quite a bit of lubricant on its own, so I generally can feel the difference in moisture. But, meh. It's rather easy to be busy doing something and not notice. :P For me it's just a random physical reaction (especially caused by jeans and other things getting into weird positions that cause friction in the area).

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Warning TMI × a million.

Well you only need to Google "clitoral erection" to see a picture on Wikipedia (not a porn site) of what female genital arousal actually looks like. And (for me anyway) it feels like how it looks. It feels hot, swollen, aching (like a good ache, not a pain one), uber-wet and like, right up to my stomach (on the inside) gets all tense and tingly and achy. Most of the women I've met (and actually discussed this stuff with, which is surprisingly quite a lot) have all definitely known when they are aroused (so I'm surprised by what humantoafault said about studies showing that most females don't know when they are aroused) .. The difference between me and the ones I've talked to is that arousal is often accompanied with a desire to be fucked, a preference to have their arousal relieved by another person, whereas I've always just gotten it out of the way manually. Never thought "this would be so much nicer with someone else here" or anything like that.

But yeah, definitely a very distinctive, very physical feeling.

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Most of the women I've met (and actually discussed this stuff with, which is surprisingly quite a lot) have all definitely known when they are aroused (so I'm surprised by what humantoafault said about studies showing that most females don't know when they are aroused)

My friend described the studies to me like this:

They had the participating women look at erotic materials, and were supposed to mark if they were aroused or not. There was some sort of medical devices connected to them keeping an eye on their physical state. Most of them said they were not aroused when the machines said they were.

Something like that. I do think there was a bit more to it than that.

At the time this was brought up my friend and I were discussing lack of knowledge on sex and the effects it had on people, especially as a result of repression of sex in women due to it being viewed shamefully. Perhaps women who are willing to talk about sex are more informed.

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My friend described the studies to me like this:

They had the participating women look at erotic materials, and were supposed to mark if they were aroused or not. There was some sort of medical devices connected to them keeping an eye on their physical state. Most of them said they were not aroused when the machines said they were.

Something like that. I do think there was a bit more to it than that.

At the time this was brought up my friend and I were discussing lack of knowledge on sex and the effects it had on people, especially as a result of repression of sex in women due to it being viewed shamefully. Perhaps women who are willing to talk about sex are more informed.

I think I've heard of that one. IIRC the study had to make a distinction, or at least shows that there's a difference, between being "physically" aroused (which is what the machines detected) vs. being psychologically aroused ("in the mood" if we may say so). If anything, it goes to show that there is more disparity between the physical reaction and the psychological reaction in their female subjects.
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Usually it feels like a tingling sensation and maybe some pressure/tension down there. But I've experienced being wet, occasionally my thighs start throbbing, and the pulsating throbbing in the labia too. There is probably something I'm forgetting, I don't have much/hardly any sex drive at all. When I do its usually underwhelming and fleeting and is mostly a tingling sensation and maybe pressure/tension. But yes, its very distinct and obvious at least for me. Maybe its possible its like that for you too very underwhelming and fleeting that you just aren't paying attention and thusly don't recognize when you are aroused??

Sorry if this was too TMIish

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Commonly...we cis-male types seem to have it so easy.

It's true, the male seems to have it straight forward. Yes, they get a 'hard-on', and if they haven't announced it to their mates, I suppose one [@Francoise Wang] could notice it...not that I've ever made a real effort to check it out in public.

Apart from the accidental-incidental physical contact, I've found it as equally subtle and uncomfortable as described above [^^^^^]. Hard to describe; it can be an awkward signal if there's nowhere [satisfactory] to deal with it. Ignoring your arousal can work for awhile, depending on its potency, but usually it'll catch-up on your mind and frustrate you till it's 'released'.

Typically, metabolically-male, there seems to be no real 'process' involved and it can all be resolved in seconds...and life goes on. :ph34r:

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flesh-pocket

i can defiently tell when when im aroused, though its easy enough to ignore usually. sometimes i get it when im trying to study in the library because my body is going KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU COULD BE DOING? lol

its annoying but it goes away on its own. ant say its ever gotten me into awkward situations either.

i didn't know that 'getting wet' was a thing for the longest time though, even though i felt it. id never focused on the 'wetness' part, and it just never occurred to me that that whole sensation needed a name.

i could see someone not knowing if theyre aroused or not...

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Crowfather

I don't know about the older guys, but my genitals are not a divining rod for arousal.
Flag just raises 5 times a day for no reason at all. :/

And when I see someone I find visually attractive it usually doesn't do anything at all.

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Francoise Wang

I don't know about the older guys, but my genitals are not a divining rod for arousal.

Flag just raises 5 times a day for no reason at all. :/

And when I see someone I find visually attractive it usually doesn't do anything at all.

So, just curious, are you sexual?

I guess most asexual male bodied people are probably like this, but I don't know about sexual people.

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Tarfeather

I guess most asexual male bodied people are probably like this, but I don't know about sexual people.

Well I'm sexual and I'm not like that. I can get an erection pretty much voluntarily, all I have to do is think a bit of my girlfriend. :blush:

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Lord Jade Cross

Not sure if this could be consider tension or straight up arousal but at times, I can not have an erection and feel a sort of tightness throughout the body.

At times the erections take longer to cool down even if I have *ahem* taken care of business. On rare occasions I need to go at it again for a second time to get rid of it and still it leaves a tingling sensation that would compel me to try again if the body didn't get sore or I hurt myself doing it like in the past. Shutting up now.

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Crowfather

I don't know about the older guys, but my genitals are not a divining rod for arousal.

Flag just raises 5 times a day for no reason at all. :/

And when I see someone I find visually attractive it usually doesn't do anything at all.

So, just curious, are you sexual?

I guess most asexual male bodied people are probably like this, but I don't know about sexual people.

I identify as grey-asexual. I respond to stimulants and the plumbing all works. I just have no intention or desire to have sexual intercourse on a mental level. Which, to me, is what defines a sexual person.

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butterflydreams

I don't know about the older guys, but my genitals are not a divining rod for arousal.

Flag just raises 5 times a day for no reason at all. :/

And when I see someone I find visually attractive it usually doesn't do anything at all.

So, just curious, are you sexual?

I guess most asexual male bodied people are probably like this, but I don't know about sexual people.

The thing about erections is that they can be very random and are in no way absolutely indicative of arousal. The process is part of the autonomic nervous system, which is basically the body's "minder" system for stuff it does that you don't consciously think about doing. Heart beating, goosebumps, digestive system working, etc. This has nothing to do with sexual, asexual, or any orientation. Any body with a penis will do these things.

I believe that the penis actually becomes erect regularly and automatically for no discernible reason at all in order to perform a kind of "maintenance check" on the system. There are muscles and tissues involved and if not used regularly, they can atrophy. Again, autonomic nervous system takes care of stuff like that for you.

So if you take erections out of the picture, I think some of the descriptions here of arousal are probably very similar for any bodily configuration. I particularly identified with the "sense of 'heaviness'" mentioned by humantoafault. But to be honest, even that's not the best indicator of specifically sexual arousal. I've felt the same kind of thing when I'm doing something really exciting, like driving my car aggressively through a corner.

So if the physical responses are similar to things that are and are not sexual in nature, I think it ultimately comes down to how you feel about the situation AND how your body is automatically responding. Gotta have both in my opinion.

For any species, sex is biologically crucial to their survival, so it makes sense that many of the systems involved are automatic and even overzealous in their operation. My body doesn't know the difference between preparing for sex and driving aggressively but it knows both are exciting...better get prepared just in case :)

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binary suns

arousal as tension in the area is pretty much the way I'd describe it. I mean there's more to arousal than just that, but that always seems to be there when I'm aroused. I suppose it is pressure from blood flow? IDK

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Flaming Ace

After reading what a female arousing feels like, I think I've never been aroused even once in my life...wow...

However, if I was straight, I believe you could notice your arousal quite easily if you know it. You could just feel it...I guess? Don't point me out for any of this. I've never masturbated, watched porn, and I'm a virgin. I used to think I was a late bloomer when it came to the sex department, but then I realized I was asexual. Anyway, for guys, arousal would be more easy to notice, yes. For girls, it's a bit harder to notice, but I believe if you know what true arousal feels like, you will just know from the moment you feel that you are.

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Skycaptain

This may seem a bit odd, but in a male, an erection is not necessarily a sign of arousal. For example, it is medically proven that most males have 3-5 erections during REM sleep every night, whether they are on their own or with a partner. Spontaneous erections can occur whilst awake, as well. Usually arousal also includes a heightening of the senses, possibly an increase in heart-rate, and secretion of sweat, due to increased blood flow to the peripheries.

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