Anybody else unable to be sexually stimulated, physically? [Warning: potty talk]

[missymodlex1000]

Not looking for labels, or confirming that I'm not crazy... just wondering if anybody has anything to share regarding this topic.

Okay.

In general, I'm unable to be sexually stimulated during sex, in a physical sense.

Meaning,

even though my naughty bits and nipples and inside of my butt have nerves that recognize when other matter makes contact,

there is zero sexual stimulus.

It's just as benign as an elbow touching a knee.

This also makes masturbation a bit rough...

...however, I figured out how to do it well because:

a. I kept on practicing

b. I couple that with really lucid fantasies - this is crucial.

The closest thing to sex I really enjoy is mutual masturbation with another dude,

while anything "sex-ier" than that has never led to orgasm or ejaculation.

However, I can grow big through cuddling, being groped, and maybe a couple other sensual forms of contact,

as well as thinking hard about these things.

Blowjobs are a gray area.

I'm super happy about this, since sex doesn't distract from enjoying a man's company...

though my aesthetic attraction to him might =O P.

It's a good thing I'm non-monogamous/a Relationship Anarchist,

otherwise my dude would complain...

For fun, my preferred list of sexy time:

1. Wrestling

2. Cuddling

3. Holding hands

4. Mutual masturbation

[Autumn Season]

Yes, same here.

[Tarfeather]

Forget potty talk, this thread needs a TMI warning.

TMI

I've experimented a lot with my girlfriend and she feels nothing on her hip, thighs or belly. She feels something on her neck but that's more sensual than sexual. Generally, being sensual with her feels more like stroking a large cat than being intimate with a woman, but through some incident we've figured out that she can be aroused when her breasts are touched in a certain mood. I very much suspect she could very much be aroused when her genitals are touched, but neither will she let me do so, nor does she masturbate, so we might never know.

[Star Bit]

Are you sexually attracted to your partner? Does his presence sexually arouse you and do you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with him?

[Salmacis]

I was the same for many years, though things changed after I began experiencing sexual attraction to someone (to whom I am now married). Prior to that, lack of any ability to feel 'pleasure' went hand in hand with lack of sexual attraction - though I wouldn't go so far as to postulate a causal relation between the two (though there may have been one in my case, who knows).

[missymodlex1000]

@Autumn Season - Yayy! Um, I guess?

@Tarfeather - I put "potty talk" instead of "TMI" because I thought it was cuter… I dunno how to change that, though. And thanks for sharing your experience!

@Star Bit - I am not sure I know what sexual attraction is! Whenever I see a cute dude, I think of how I want to wrestle or cuddle him. I can definitely think of him as sexy, but that might just be me being influenced by the culture of sex - I don't know.

I love the male chest and nipples, and bellybutton the most... and their beard and chubbiness (I'm into bears and cubs). If I see an attractive barechested bear, I won't want to take my eyes off of him, and I want to be sensual with him. So, maybe I only experience sensual attraction? Or maybe it is sexual attraction, but the reality resides only as yearning for sensuality? Hmm...

I just know I want a lot of body contact with him, whether that be wrestling or cuddling or other sensual things, but never anal or fellatio or whatever is traditionally considered as gay sex. I do frottage, too, but I think that's a gray area. I'm not completely certain, but I might not actually be aroused by looking at dudes and imagining wrestling or cuddling with them…

@Salmacis - Good for you!, unless you don't want that =O P.

[Star Bit]

I defined sexual attraction in my second question, sorry for not adding that detail. What you're describing is sensual attraction; the desire for non-sexual physical contact. What is sexual strictly involves genital arousal in any direct or indirect way. If you had sexual sensual attraction you'd want to do sensual things to sexually arouse him. Consenting after a certain bond is not demisexual; it would be demi-consent; which isn't a used term but it probably should be.

Aesthetic attraction- a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannerisms; having a pull to look at them. It is different from recognizing good looks/ what is "aesthetically pleasing" with no fixation. This does not automatically mean a romantic or platonic relationship is desired but attractions can be felt with other attractions.

[missymodlex1000]

Okay, reading around, I'm starting to make sense of it...

Sexual pleasure: I don't think I have much in the way of erogenous zones. I do know my nape and ears are sensitive, but those only give me goosebumps. My pee-pee is often not sensitive, but sometimes it is. My nipples are not sensitive at all =O (

Desiring sexual activity: I also just happen to not desire sexual activity; it's not connected to my lack of active erogenous zones. My lack of desire probably comes from the sex shaming of Catholic school, as well as being scared of sex due to STDs that I learned about in Health class in high school. Unfortunately, this has still affected me.

Sexual attraction: No sexual attraction, I just have sensual attraction, due to the above. I do become aroused looking at/thinking about being sensual with cute bears sometimes.

Aesthetic attraction: Yes.

Thanks, it helps to type out loud.

[Francoise Wang]

I can be sexually stimulated by myself (masturbating), but not by other people. I can have pleasure and orgasm when I touch my genital, but if another person touches my genital, it feels almost the same as my knee being touched.

It's like the opposite of tickling. When you tickle yourself, you don't feel anything. You can only feel the tickling sensation when other people tickles you. And my feeling for sexual stimulation is just the reverse of this.

And I happened to be asexual, so I guess this has something to do with my unable to feel sexual attraction.

[NachoDemi]

I'm having some troubles with this... I consider mysefl a Demi and I love having sex with my Allo partner (straight relationship), but sometimes I just can't keep it up. Like @missymodlex1000 mentioned, we've noticed that I grow real hard by groping, so I guess we should focus on that?
Reading your description of physical stimulation, I think I can relate to it, even though I have experienced intense pleassure during sex, but not always.

Also, I think it may just be a confidence thing. I've just started comming to terms with my sexuality, thanks to my partner who's been very supportive. But we're quite opposites sexualy. She's an allo with a high sex drive, and lots of experience. Meanwhile, I'm a demi who's first experience has been with her, so I guess I may feel pressured, even if I know there's no reason why I should.

[Mandarina]

If my minds, is able to let it go, I cand experience a sexual arousal, but if my mind doesn't want to get my body aroused, it won't, simple as that. So there are days that i can, and there are days that nothing is able to physically arose me. It's a mind thing mainly, and i think that's linked to fantasies and all that, and asexuallity also maybe? Because my sexual response is not related to the person that i'm with. But i can't be explicitly touched (touching like if other person is masturbating you (?)) in order to get aroused, because that won't work, never, it simply doesn't.

It's true that I also kind of enjoy rubbing some erogenous parts against something, but i don't really seek arousal with it, i just find nice the feelings, there are days that i can get aroused, and there are days that i just got anything but i don't mind because that isn't what i seek. But if i'm caressing being all dry can hurt, so i can force my arousal like watching some pictures and then leave it, and just enjoy the tactile feelings. But again, I was able to arousal because I was in a state of mind that enabled that to happen. But as i don't mind being aroused or not, because i don't seek the sexual part of that, i don't really care about it when i'm with myselft. But when i'm with my boyfriend, that has caused a couple of struggles...