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have you ever felt relief after you got rejected by someone?


cimahel

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well i am heteroromantic. you have probably heard the advice "if you like someone just ask her out what is the worst thing that can happen?" well in my case the worst thing that can happen is if when she says yes. if i dont ask her out i am going to live with this feeling stuck in my head, if she says no, i said what i had to, now i can move on but, if she says yes i freak out completley i dont know what to do i cant be a normal boyfriend but mainly HOW DO I EXPLAIN HER I AM ASEXUAL.

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Lithromantic? (aka Aporomantic which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor)

romantic reciprocation causing a negative to indifferent reaction; more specifically over time or immediately reacting with indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion.

How? Say I'm Asexual? Say you experience no sexual attraction or say no one turns you on and you don't have sexual impulses toward anyone; as many people don't understand what sexual attraction is.

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SorryNotSorry

Yes, all 5 times.

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WünderBâhr

Moved to the Asexual Relationships forum.

Bipolar Bear
Asexual Q&A Mod

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Tarfeather

It actually never happened to me that somebody said yes, so I don't know. I don't take a no very seriously, though. In all my relationships so far, it wasn't a result of confession or asking. It'd be more a result of spending time together and at some point it'd be like "So, we're a couple now, right?" "Yup" "OK". Somehow I doubt any of my relationships was actually romantic in nature.

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Autumn Season

spending time together and at some point it'd be like "So, we're a couple now, right?" "Yup" "OK".

Last time I asked that question the answer was "Nope...???". And I was very embarrassed. °xD

have you ever felt relief after you got rejected by someone?

Yes, and also after rejecting people. Did it a few times. It's horrible until it's over and afterwards I'm just glad I didn't give in.

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SorryNotSorry

I didn't feel horrible at all about it. OTOH I felt relieved because I was eliminating the possibility of an unpleasant future with the person.

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That asexual guy

I've been relieved to find out someone wasn't interested in me when at first I thought they were. Not really a rejection though.

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EggplantWitch

I've only ever had a crush on someone once, and after I confessed my feelings and got turned down the romantic feelings just disappeared, leaving me with the platonic ones. We're now better friends than we were before! Possibly because we know that we can say cute things to one another and be sure we mean it platonically. It's pretty great, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

As for explaining to someone that you're asexual, if you don't feel comfortable doing it yourself face-to-face you could send her a link to the FAQ section of AVEN, or even to the forums themselves (though that might be a bit daunting and I wouldn't recommend it unless you think she'd be understanding). It would also be important to explain that not all asexuals are the same, and while some might be completely repulsed by sex others might be indifferent - as well as definitely making it clear that aromanticism and asexuality are different.

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Relief at being rejected? No.

Relief at them still being willing to keep a friendship with me? Yes.

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Squirrel Combat

Being rejected sucks. But a couple times it felt liberating, like it wasn't going to be a good relationship anyways so I saved myself a lot of trouble. I almost feel like I went through something like this recently.

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Francoise Wang

well i am heteroromantic. you have probably heard the advice "if you like someone just ask her out what is the worst thing that can happen?" well in my case the worst thing that can happen is if when she says yes. if i dont ask her out i am going to live with this feeling stuck in my head, if she says no, i said what i had to, now i can move on but, if she says yes i freak out completley i dont know what to do i cant be a normal boyfriend but mainly HOW DO I EXPLAIN HER I AM ASEXUAL.

Yes, I've always felt this way (I'm also heteromantic). When I fall in love with someone romantically, I would want them to know. But in reality I would only confess my feeling to people whom I think it's impossible for them to accept me.

Because when I think of being in a romantic relationship, I think about sex is bound to happen at some point (unless he's asexual too), and this terrifies me. Also I don't feel comfortable when people are sexually attracted to me, but I know that if he is sexual, then if he is romantically attracted to me, he would be sexually attracted to me at the same time, because that's sexual people's instinct. So this add many difficulties for me to handle a romantic relationship.

Also, although I consider myself very romantic (which means I'm attracted to a lot of people, and I become attracted to people very easily. Also the attraction I feel towards people are strong), I think the way I perceive romantic relationship are different from average romantic sexual people. I won't get clingy and dependent to my romantic partner, and I won't feel comfortable if my partner gets clingy and dependent to me, so I would only be comfortable when the way I and my romantic partner interact with each other are like good friends, not like ordinary romantic couple. And if the way we interact with each other become "more than that", my romantic feeling for my partner would dissappear. This creates more difficulty when I try to handle a romantic relationship. Actually, the main reason that most of my previous relationship ended is not because the incompatibility of sex, but because the way I perceive romantic relationship is different from ordinary people.

So if the person I have romantic feeling for rejects me, then it's indeed a relief for me, because I wouldn't have to deal with all these difficulties. And if he accepts me, I really don't know how to handle a romantic relationship, and I think this may harm him emotionally. I feel that there would be too much responsibility and too stressful for me if I enter an ordinary romantic relationship.

So I could never understand why almost all of the other people feel sad and heartbroken when they're rejected by someone. I understand that being rejected can be embarrassing and can make people feel unwanted, but I think that most of the time the sadness and heartbroken people feel while being rejected is not only because of feeling embarrassed or unwanted, so I really can't understand why they feel this way.

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SorryNotSorry

This isn't exactly slap-in-the-face rejection, but it's in the ballpark.

Saturday evening, before Memorial Day, I went to a meetup which was speed dating but not called that. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught one of the women checking me out before the actual event started, and she didn't look bad IMO... but when it was my turn to talk to her, she was so fiercely defensive of her travel fetish that she asked me if I'd ever sought treatment for my "agoraphobia"!

This is starting to lend weight to one of my cornball observations: travel fanatics should avoid homebodies at all costs.

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