Guest Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Prior to being in a relationship, most of my sexual activity was just masturbation. Mentally, I would fantasize about various kinks and occasionally people I find aesthetically attractive for the sake of being able to fantasize about intimate contact. I didn't have feelings for them. Hell I had a fictional character of my own creation or two to think about. Now, I find masturbation dull and even annoying because physically I want it but mentally I'm wrapped up in how much better such things are with my partner. I can't even entertain the thought of others in fantasies, so trying to take him out of the equation isn't a possibility. The easiest answer would be more sex, but between busy lives and distance, that's not really an option. Have any of you experienced something similar? Any suggestions? (I seem to have an obnoxiously high sex drive, so masturbation is pretty much here to stay.) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So does your partners presence sexually arouse you, making you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So does your partners presence sexually arouse you, making you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with him? No. As I've said recently, I desire sexual contact, but it is not directed at him. He is simply a person I trust enough to allow sexual contact. To me partnered sex just feels better than solo sex, which is kind of inconvenient. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Then Cupiosexual sounds relevant. No one in particular is sexually enticing but they desire sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Then Cupiosexual sounds relevant. No one in particular is sexually enticing but they desire sex. To be quite frank, I'm not asking for a label, and I'm sorry you interpreted this post that way. I'm sex positive, but I'm asexual. If I didn't have a libido, I assure you I would not desire sex. (I've had it knocked out by medication a time or two) Frankly, given the nature of libido, I find the practice of labeling based on it questionable- but to each their own. Actions =/= sexuality Now to clarify: I am asking if anyone has found they significantly prefer partnered sex to solo sex-- and I should add I am *not* limiting this to PIV sex/contact Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I've heard there are asexuals who enjoy sex out of masturbatory purposes basically. So it definitely exits but i haven't seen another thread on it lately-- though I'm not on here 24/7 so maybe there was one. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I've heard there are asexuals who enjoy sex out of masturbatory purposes basically. So it definitely exits but i haven't seen another thread on it lately-- though I'm not on here 24/7 so maybe there was one. I've been on AVEN for years... Yes, aces can enjoy sexual contact of any kind. (Some see it as intimacy with their partner, some see it as an enjoyable physical act, etc.) Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Apologies for possible necromancy but it seems the OP didn't get quite a satisfactory reply yet. My partner and I recognised ourselves a lot in what you said. We are both asexual. He is nonlib, I am not. A few months into the relationship (very long distance), we were emoting cuddles and kisses through Skype at each other and he noticed he was getting a bit aroused by the intimacy we were sharing. So we pushed the emoting a bit further tentatively and ended up doing something we might call "cyber mutual masturbation". We've been exploring these new experiences occasionally these past months and have both enjoyed it greatly. I have noticed that solo masturbation now holds less and less appeal to me. While it is technically the same physically, mentally it doesn't even compare. Together, it has intimacy, cuddles, love, emotion. I used to fantasize like you. Now I don't anymore. I don't want to. I only want to think of my partner. No made up characters or scenarios, no erotica, no nothing. When I do end up having to masturbate solo (very rare now) I do it purely mechanically. As for my partner, he is plain unable to get aroused without me. When. We're not together, he returns to being completely nonlib. So if you are finding yourself in an LDR and this is something that both of you would feel comfortable with, I'd recommend "cyber mutual masturbation". It's not pervy or dirty or anything it may sound like. It can be very sweet and a cute way to involve your partner in the relieving of your libido. :) much luck to both of you from both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Apologies for possible necromancy but it seems the OP didn't get quite a satisfactory reply yet. My apologies also, because it was me that brought this thread to my partner's attention ;) OP, you kinda struck me as what I would have possibly been like had I been plagued with a sex drive (sorry to put it in such a way, but it is still something that strikes me as more of a potential annoyance overall, and seeing how you called it "obnoxious" it seems like you might possibly agree XD) I never really saw a purpose to masturbation. Even once I finally figured things out about it with my partner, it still remained something that seemed pointless to do on my own, because in my mind it's still something that is an expression of intimacy with my partner -- essentially like our own form of sex, something that we're able to do at a distance + something that doesn't involve the hangups that we would have with "standard" sex (for me mainly, it is a fear of unprepared pregnancy). There isn't anything for me to really do on my own, in other words. It's something that only "works" because of her :redface: So, I certainly can relate to solo masturbation seeming more boring and not really being able to get into it. The only real difference with me is that I never WAS into it >_> I admittedly feel a little bit guilty for kinda "ruining" things for my partner though, because she was closer like you in that sort of regard, being libidoist, and now some of the appeal of solo masturbation has been lost on her. But we've talked about this before, and she insists that she's happier the way things are for her now, so... guess we were fortunate in that sense Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 @hooded crow Despite what you said should be the definition of mutual masturbation, apparently it isn't. Despite masturbation literally being defined as self-pleasuring, the term apparently means oral/hand jobs. Link to post Share on other sites
Unlabeled Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Prior to being in a relationship, most of my sexual activity was just masturbation. Mentally, I would fantasize about various kinks and occasionally people I find aesthetically attractive for the sake of being able to fantasize about intimate contact. I didn't have feelings for them. Hell I had a fictional character of my own creation or two to think about. Now, I find masturbation dull and even annoying because physically I want it but mentally I'm wrapped up in how much better such things are with my partner. I can't even entertain the thought of others in fantasies, so trying to take him out of the equation isn't a possibility. The easiest answer would be more sex, but between busy lives and distance, that's not really an option. Have any of you experienced something similar? Any suggestions? (I seem to have an obnoxiously high sex drive, so masturbation is pretty much here to stay.) Nothing wrong with mixing masturbation and partner-sex. Have always encouraged girlfriends who had difficulty reaching orgasm to bring their vibrators or other toys along on our dates. I want my lovers to feel good and look fowards to sex, and knowing they get to play with their toys and me is the best of both worlds. :) With boyfriends of course it's different, but with girls "let me get the extension cord and extra batteries." :) Link to post Share on other sites
Unlabeled Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Then Cupiosexual sounds relevant. No one in particular is sexually enticing but they desire sex. To be quite frank, I'm not asking for a label, and I'm sorry you interpreted this post that way. I'm sex positive, but I'm asexual. If I didn't have a libido, I assure you I would not desire sex. (I've had it knocked out by medication a time or two) Frankly, given the nature of libido, I find the practice of labeling based on it questionable- but to each their own. Actions =/= sexuality Now to clarify: I am asking if anyone has found they significantly prefer partnered sex to solo sex-- and I should add I am *not* limiting this to PIV sex/contact Oh! That's different than your OP. :) I'd think since most people have only a fraction of the experience with partner-sex as they do solo-sex, most would say they prefer a partner. In my case though I've always prefered masturbation to partner-sex though I wound up being very comfortable with either and encouraged from a very young age to masturbate by my Mom (as at the time she was catching me and my cousin in various states of undress heh.) But she never made me feel generally uncomfortable with partner-sex. Was more a thing relating to our very young ages (we're the same age though.) So if you're trying to find out how to satisfy your need or desire to masturbate with your preference for partner-sex my suggestion is mix them. No rule you can't use a vibrator during partner-sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 @hooded crow Despite what you said should be the definition of mutual masturbation, apparently it isn't. Despite masturbation literally being defined as self-pleasuring, the term apparently means oral/hand jobs. Well, yeah, but since we're on other sides of the planet, we're having to improvise, you see? >_> Physically speaking, it may not be any different from how masturbation on one's own would usually go (I can't actually say, because it doesn't even seem to be something I can do, not that I ever particularly want to... the equipment just doesn't respond, if you catch my drift) but emotionally, I know it is very, very different, and my partner would likely say similarly. Those different feelings end up fueling a different sort of experience, and for me in particular it seems that those feelings are the only way that I can even get masturbation to "work" in any sort of way. Link to post Share on other sites
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