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Talking to a Therapist?


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Hello!

First time posting, I hope this is the right place.... I'll cut to the point, has anyone talked to a therapist about asexuality? Do they accept it seriously, or will they think something is wrong with me?

here's some more background I suppose... I recently visited my doctor because I have immense trouble with penetrative sex, and its become a problem in my relationship,

I told her I anytime my boyfriend and I try, it ends in failure. No matter how aroused he can get me, it always starts to hurt very quickly. My doctor said I was physically fine. But when i told her I had no desire for sex, and every time we tried, i was doing it because it was important to him and I wanted to do it for him, she said that wasn't right. She said I should want to have sex too, I've got to do it for me.... ((but if it were up to me, there'd be no sex and just lots of cuddling and head scratching and massages and things like that.)) after all this, she said that I should probably talk to a therapist...

so I made an appointment.. and quite honestly, I'd Ideally like to just get to the point that I can have sex pain free, because my boyfriend compromises a lot for me by not having sex during the time of his life that he thinks he should be having lots, (thank you over sexualized media)

I want to be able to provide that closeness he desires... but on the flip side... I don't want a therapist to invalidate me and my sexuality. Finding the concept has been such a breakthrough for me.. its explained so many things that I didn't understand about myself, and its helped me feel like I wasn't a weird and broken person who didn't desire sex, but rather, I'm just a different person, like the many many different people that are finally finding the words and identities that make them feel whole and alright with themselves.

theres other things I need to talk to them about as well.. but yeah. does anyone have any experiences with asexuality and therapists? Thanks for listening, I'm happy to have found this community.

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I have had experiences there... sorry to say, both of the therapists I have talked to have completely invalidated asexuality. The first lady laughed at me, and insisted that it wasn't a thing, and romance only existed as a precursor to sex, nothing more. -_- The second guy didn't laugh at me, but he did say that asexuality wasn't an orientation, it was just a phase caused by hormones or whatever, and that 50% of women experience this at some point in their lifetime. :rolleyes: So yeah... sorry to be a downer here, but maybe your therapist will be better. At least you're prepared for the possibility though. I hope it goes well for you, good luck! ^_^

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I've seen a lot of therapists (for other reasons, but the question of my orientation always cropped up) and all of them except the two who had experience with LGBTQIA patients were disrespectful and unaccepting. All the others tried to tell me it wasn't real, or that I was just "sexually repressed", or that I must have been raped, or that I had a problem with intimacy, or some other similar nonsense. If I were you I'd look for a therapist or a therapy clinic that specializes in LGBTQIA therapy or at least has some sort of credibility or proof that they are accepting of LGBTQIA people.

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Butterfly Belle

I had a good response when telling my psychologist. I didn't know what reaction I would get from her but when I told her, her response was "ok". I had to make sure she knew what it was, and she seemed to know enough about it, and she realises that I'm happy being asexual and for me it's not an issue at all. If you have a bad reaction from your therapist maybe you should try someone else, but the only way to know will be to just say it and get it out there and see what their reaction is.

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You guys are fast!

Absol, that sounds crummy... and pretty much what I'm afraid of happening... I mean when my doctor was like, idk. you should want it. i was like. Ah. well. :/ At least I can be kind of prepared to nod and agree and then not come back ah ha.....

Palovana, that's a good idea... I dont know how to find a LGBTQIA therapist, but if it doesn't work out with the insurance provided one, I'll try looking else where. Thank you for sharing, It's good to know that if it doesn't work out, there are certain types that can be more accepting.

Thank you both for your replies! Its appreciated!

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Ange thats nice to hear! I'll do my best to try and have that come across that I'm okay with how I am.. All this stuff is such a peculiar thing. I've never met them yet, I'll be going on Wednesday. I've never been to one.. so it'll all around be an adventure..

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Butterfly Belle

Ange thats nice to hear! I'll do my best to try and have that come across that I'm okay with how I am.. All this stuff is such a peculiar thing. I've never met them yet, I'll be going on Wednesday. I've never been to one.. so it'll all around be an adventure..

It's a bit scary at first, and for me the first couple of sessions were a bit daunting, but now that I've had about 7 sessions I really enjoy going and getting to talk to my psychologist and I really trust her. Just remember to not walk through the door to your session with preconceived ideas and thoughts on what you want to discuss because the conversation doesn't always go the way you might imagine it.

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Ange thats nice to hear! I'll do my best to try and have that come across that I'm okay with how I am.. All this stuff is such a peculiar thing. I've never met them yet, I'll be going on Wednesday. I've never been to one.. so it'll all around be an adventure..

It's a bit scary at first, and for me the first couple of sessions were a bit daunting, but now that I've had about 7 sessions I really enjoy going and getting to talk to my psychologist and I really trust her. Just remember to not walk through the door to your session with preconceived ideas and thoughts on what you want to discuss because the conversation doesn't always go the way you might imagine it.

oh ho, learned a new thing... with the quote thing. Anyhoo. Thank you, thats great advice. I'll have and open mind, and hope that whomever I talk to has one too!

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Palovana, that's a good idea... I dont know how to find a LGBTQIA therapist, but if it doesn't work out with the insurance provided one, I'll try looking else where. Thank you for sharing, It's good to know that if it doesn't work out, there are certain types that can be more accepting.

I found mine by just googling "LGBTQIA therapy near (town name)". Luckily my insurance is accepted almost everywhere, so I didn't have to dig very much to find a place. You might also be able to check your insurance website under "behavioral health" or something similar, usually there's like a menu that asks what you want them to specialize in/what issues you want treatment for (mood disorders, anxiety, substance abuse, LGBT issues, etc.) At least my insurance website has one of those, I think most of them would...

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DandelionFairy

My therapist was really nice about it and just accepted it and asked me some questions about it as she didn't know much about it :) It's worth seeing how they react, and if they react badly I'd recommend just changing therapist :cake:

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I noticed you are all mostly female and or do not identify within the gender specific. I am now curious what a therapist would say to a cis male (I am a man and accept that I am a man thus I am cis) that says he is asexual? Would I be more accepted because guys are supposed to love sex so if I say I am indifferent towards I must be telling the truth. Laughed at? Maybe being told I'm lying and need to "man up"?

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Tarfeather

One problem you will have with psychologists is that the entire field is historically influenced by Freud, and Freud tried to explain the whole human psyche through sexuality. Penis envy and all that bullshit. *pukes* There are still some of his ideas left in modern consensus, such as the idea that a disinterest in sexuality is a kind of coping mechanism, or symptom of deep seated mental issues, rather than something that could just naturally be the case for someone.

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One problem you will have with psychologists is that the entire field is historically influenced by Freud, and Freud tried to explain the whole human psyche through sexuality. Penis envy and all that bullshit. *pukes* There are still some of his ideas left in modern consensus, such as the idea that a disinterest in sexuality is a kind of coping mechanism, or symptom of deep seated mental issues, rather than something that could just naturally be the case for someone.

I kinda feel I have to like Freud a little bit because I'm a child development major and his research did lead to EriK Erikson, whom I respect and adore when it comes to child development

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EggplantWitch

I'm in a very similar position to you - I've just started seeing a new therapist and she's been wonderful so far, but I'm pretty much going to have to come out to her at some point as my asexuality is a big cause of my depressions/low moods. I'm really worried about it. With that in mind I can't really offer any advice, but I can certainly sympathise and I hope things go well for you.

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I told my therapist, explained it, and even though I don't think she knew much about it, she accepts it as a real thing and takes it seriously and doesn't treat it like a problem! I'm sorry a lot of you guys are less fortunate, we need more understanding therapists.

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WreckerChick

I have been in weekly therapy for about 2 years now. It has only been recently that I have begun asserting that I am asexual. My psychologist insisted that my feelings were only a symptom of my PTSD and said she felt confident that I would recover one day and want a relationship and sex. Towards the end of my time with her, she stopped giving so much crap and seemed to be more accepting of what I was trying to tell her I truly felt in my heart. But I think she is still convinced that she's gonna run into me in ten years and I'll be married with kids.

My medical doctor was actually more accepting and very open, made me feel real comfortable about it. I transferred from Boston VA back to Pennsylvania. Since we just met, she wanted to get an accurate history on me. Marital status came up and I said I was just single and then felt the need to elaborate and tell her I was asexual. She said, 'Really? I usually only hear that from older women, so it's good that you know already.' And she just moved on with the history. It was refreshing to talk to a professional who didn't try to negate my feelings.

I would say to be prepared for some level of disbelief at first. Your therapist isn't going to know you well enough to just accept what you say without wanting to give input from what is listed in the textbooks or what was taught to them in college. But give them a couple sessions to get to know you better before you bail on them. A good therapist will be able to give you better feedback once they know more about your history.

Good luck!

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Palovana, that's a good idea... I dont know how to find a LGBTQIA therapist, but if it doesn't work out with the insurance provided one, I'll try looking else where. Thank you for sharing, It's good to know that if it doesn't work out, there are certain types that can be more accepting.

I found mine by just googling "LGBTQIA therapy near (town name)". Luckily my insurance is accepted almost everywhere, so I didn't have to dig very much to find a place. You might also be able to check your insurance website under "behavioral health" or something similar, usually there's like a menu that asks what you want them to specialize in/what issues you want treatment for (mood disorders, anxiety, substance abuse, LGBT issues, etc.) At least my insurance website has one of those, I think most of them would...

Ahhh! Well I'll see how things go tomorrow and if they dont go well, I'll try to find a more specialized one! I hope there are some here that my insurance takes.

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My therapist was really nice about it and just accepted it and asked me some questions about it as she didn't know much about it :) It's worth seeing how they react, and if they react badly I'd recommend just changing therapist :cake:

Oh cool! So it seems that across the board things are mixed. Some have had bad, and some have had good! and really the only thing to be done is to talk about it and see what happens. Thank you for sharing your experience c:

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I noticed you are all mostly female and or do not identify within the gender specific. I am now curious what a therapist would say to a cis male (I am a man and accept that I am a man thus I am cis) that says he is asexual? Would I be more accepted because guys are supposed to love sex so if I say I am indifferent towards I must be telling the truth. Laughed at? Maybe being told I'm lying and need to "man up"?

That's really interesting, and since it goes against societally accepted norms, who is to say... I would hope that they would understand and believe you, but who knows. they could react as you describe as well.

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WELL, I just figured out I could reply to you all in one thing! Sweet! I'm gonna say up front, thank you all for sharing your stories and experiences with me. its greatly appreciated! I'm very nervous about tomorrow... but I'm feeling better knowing that one session isn't the end all be all, and I can switch if things dont work out.

One problem you will have with psychologists is that the entire field is historically influenced by Freud, and Freud tried to explain the whole human psyche through sexuality. Penis envy and all that bullshit. *pukes* There are still some of his ideas left in modern consensus, such as the idea that a disinterest in sexuality is a kind of coping mechanism, or symptom of deep seated mental issues, rather than something that could just naturally be the case for someone.

I remember learning about penis envy, boy that was a laugh... Interesting that some of that is still prevalent.. but hopefully with more and more people being able to put a name to their non-interest in sexuality, it'll will become taken more seriously, and it wont be misjudged as a coping or mental issues.

I'm in a very similar position to you - I've just started seeing a new therapist and she's been wonderful so far, but I'm pretty much going to have to come out to her at some point as my asexuality is a big cause of my depressions/low moods. I'm really worried about it. With that in mind I can't really offer any advice, but I can certainly sympathise and I hope things go well for you.

I'm glad to hear that so far things are going well, and I hope that they continue to go well for you! I'll be sure to comment back here afterwards to say how it went.. fingers crossed for good.

I told my therapist, explained it, and even though I don't think she knew much about it, she accepts it as a real thing and takes it seriously and doesn't treat it like a problem! I'm sorry a lot of you guys are less fortunate, we need more understanding therapists.

That sounds great! Even if she didn't know, at least she accepts it. I hope who I talk to tomorrow either knows, or is like yours and understanding.

I have been in weekly therapy for about 2 years now. It has only been recently that I have begun asserting that I am asexual. My psychologist insisted that my feelings were only a symptom of my PTSD and said she felt confident that I would recover one day and want a relationship and sex. Towards the end of my time with her, she stopped giving so much crap and seemed to be more accepting of what I was trying to tell her I truly felt in my heart. But I think she is still convinced that she's gonna run into me in ten years and I'll be married with kids.

My medical doctor was actually more accepting and very open, made me feel real comfortable about it. I transferred from Boston VA back to Pennsylvania. Since we just met, she wanted to get an accurate history on me. Marital status came up and I said I was just single and then felt the need to elaborate and tell her I was asexual. She said, 'Really? I usually only hear that from older women, so it's good that you know already.' And she just moved on with the history. It was refreshing to talk to a professional who didn't try to negate my feelings.

I would say to be prepared for some level of disbelief at first. Your therapist isn't going to know you well enough to just accept what you say without wanting to give input from what is listed in the textbooks or what was taught to them in college. But give them a couple sessions to get to know you better before you bail on them. A good therapist will be able to give you better feedback once they know more about your history.

Good luck!

Your doctor sounds great! I wish I had had a word for how I felt earlier in life.. I mean I'm only in my 20s, but I feel like my relationship would have saved my partner some heartache if he knew up front that things would be difficult as far as this is concerned. Luckily he seems to love everything else about our relationship, and so hopefully we can work something out here.

Thats also a good point to keep in mind.. give them time to know me... I'll be sure to at least do a few sessions then before I make a decision if I feel they're not quite working for me. Thank you!!

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I have been in weekly therapy for about 2 years now. It has only been recently that I have begun asserting that I am asexual. My psychologist insisted that my feelings were only a symptom of my PTSD and said she felt confident that I would recover one day and want a relationship and sex. Towards the end of my time with her, she stopped giving so much crap and seemed to be more accepting of what I was trying to tell her I truly felt in my heart. But I think she is still convinced that she's gonna run into me in ten years and I'll be married with kids.

My medical doctor was actually more accepting and very open, made me feel real comfortable about it. I transferred from Boston VA back to Pennsylvania. Since we just met, she wanted to get an accurate history on me. Marital status came up and I said I was just single and then felt the need to elaborate and tell her I was asexual. She said, 'Really? I usually only hear that from older women, so it's good that you know already.' And she just moved on with the history. It was refreshing to talk to a professional who didn't try to negate my feelings.

I would say to be prepared for some level of disbelief at first. Your therapist isn't going to know you well enough to just accept what you say without wanting to give input from what is listed in the textbooks or what was taught to them in college. But give them a couple sessions to get to know you better before you bail on them. A good therapist will be able to give you better feedback once they know more about your history.

Good luck!

About the PTSD issue, do any of you tjink that a traumatic event could have have an effect on your sexuality? See my wife and I have actually gotten pregnant twice before. The first time there was a complication and our son died. My wife had to give birth to our stillbirth son, the second time was a miscarriage. So now I am in this odd spot where I cant seem to remember where the asexuality begins or the PTSD ends. Maybe I have always been like this but it got worse or maybe I did have a sexuality at one time but now its gone? Sorry if I am hijacking the thread if so let me know and I can start a different thread all together. Nut your mention of PTSD got me thinking.

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I have been in weekly therapy for about 2 years now. It has only been recently that I have begun asserting that I am asexual. My psychologist insisted that my feelings were only a symptom of my PTSD and said she felt confident that I would recover one day and want a relationship and sex. Towards the end of my time with her, she stopped giving so much crap and seemed to be more accepting of what I was trying to tell her I truly felt in my heart. But I think she is still convinced that she's gonna run into me in ten years and I'll be married with kids.

My medical doctor was actually more accepting and very open, made me feel real comfortable about it. I transferred from Boston VA back to Pennsylvania. Since we just met, she wanted to get an accurate history on me. Marital status came up and I said I was just single and then felt the need to elaborate and tell her I was asexual. She said, 'Really? I usually only hear that from older women, so it's good that you know already.' And she just moved on with the history. It was refreshing to talk to a professional who didn't try to negate my feelings.

I would say to be prepared for some level of disbelief at first. Your therapist isn't going to know you well enough to just accept what you say without wanting to give input from what is listed in the textbooks or what was taught to them in college. But give them a couple sessions to get to know you better before you bail on them. A good therapist will be able to give you better feedback once they know more about your history.

Good luck!

About the PTSD issue, do any of you tjink that a traumatic event could have have an effect on your sexuality? See my wife and I have actually gotten pregnant twice before. The first time there was a complication and our son died. My wife had to give birth to our stillbirth son, the second time was a miscarriage. So now I am in this odd spot where I cant seem to remember where the asexuality begins or the PTSD ends. Maybe I have always been like this but it got worse or maybe I did have a sexuality at one time but now its gone? Sorry if I am hijacking the thread if so let me know and I can start a different thread all together. Nut your mention of PTSD got me thinking.

Gosh I have no idea... I'm sorry you and your wife had to go through that.. I've never really wanted children.. besides the thought that, "Boy I bet our kids would be cute.." but thats really no reason to bring a life into the world.. and besides that novelty, the thought of raising another person is the most terrifying thing in the world.. also the process of having children is terrifying, it basically all around the scariest thing to me, and even since I was little, I didn't like babies and I didn't want anything to do with them.. baby animals though. sign me up.

back to what you were saying.. I think a traumatic event could have an effect.. but I really dont have the vocabulary or the understanding to really say. I would think that it varies from person to person, and situation to situation. For one, asexuality and a traumatic event may be hand in hand, but in another, they could have nothing to do with each other.

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I have been in weekly therapy for about 2 years now. It has only been recently that I have begun asserting that I am asexual. My psychologist insisted that my feelings were only a symptom of my PTSD and said she felt confident that I would recover one day and want a relationship and sex. Towards the end of my time with her, she stopped giving so much crap and seemed to be more accepting of what I was trying to tell her I truly felt in my heart. But I think she is still convinced that she's gonna run into me in ten years and I'll be married with kids.

My medical doctor was actually more accepting and very open, made me feel real comfortable about it. I transferred from Boston VA back to Pennsylvania. Since we just met, she wanted to get an accurate history on me. Marital status came up and I said I was just single and then felt the need to elaborate and tell her I was asexual. She said, 'Really? I usually only hear that from older women, so it's good that you know already.' And she just moved on with the history. It was refreshing to talk to a professional who didn't try to negate my feelings.

I would say to be prepared for some level of disbelief at first. Your therapist isn't going to know you well enough to just accept what you say without wanting to give input from what is listed in the textbooks or what was taught to them in college. But give them a couple sessions to get to know you better before you bail on them. A good therapist will be able to give you better feedback once they know more about your history.

Good luck!

About the PTSD issue, do any of you tjink that a traumatic event could have have an effect on your sexuality? See my wife and I have actually gotten pregnant twice before. The first time there was a complication and our son died. My wife had to give birth to our stillbirth son, the second time was a miscarriage. So now I am in this odd spot where I cant seem to remember where the asexuality begins or the PTSD ends. Maybe I have always been like this but it got worse or maybe I did have a sexuality at one time but now its gone? Sorry if I am hijacking the thread if so let me know and I can start a different thread all together. Nut your mention of PTSD got me thinking.

Gosh I have no idea... I'm sorry you and your wife had to go through that.. I've never really wanted children.. besides the thought that, "Boy I bet our kids would be cute.." but thats really no reason to bring a life into the world.. and besides that novelty, the thought of raising another person is the most terrifying thing in the world.. also the process of having children is terrifying, it basically all around the scariest thing to me, and even since I was little, I didn't like babies and I didn't want anything to do with them.. baby animals though. sign me up.

back to what you were saying.. I think a traumatic event could have an effect.. but I really dont have the vocabulary or the understanding to really say. I would think that it varies from person to person, and situation to situation. For one, asexuality and a traumatic event may be hand in hand, but in another, they could have nothing to do with each other.

Oh I understand where you stand. I happen to love children, but not all people do (which is fine were over populated anyways). Maybe I should go to a therepist? I mean I always felt less sexualy active than my peers but now im curious how much of an effect this may have had. Maybe I was always "on the edge" and this was just a tipping point. Its hard to remember how you felt in the past, and now im questioning all my past relationships. I do think seeking help would be in my best interest. Well thanks for listening. I also hope that you can get the help you seek.

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WreckerChick

^^^^^ in reference to all this ^^^^^

My PTSD is assault related and, when I really analyze it, I feel like my struggle with asexuality may have actually been a contributing factor to the PTSD, not vice versa.

Even though I was never driven by a desire for sex or dating, I would force myself to participate in social activities geared towards such things in an effort to fit in and be 'normal'. I used alcohol to ease the anxiety and often overdid it. I was a disaster waiting to happen and I really think it was because I was fighting being asexual. When I look back on all my intimate social interactions and how I felt about things in school, I was ALWAYS asexual. It didn't just pop up after the assault.

What may have been a trauma-related factor to my asexuality is I was molested as a child. But it happened when I was only four so I think it's impossible to say whether that was the cause of my asexuality. My psychologist thought so. I think I was already asexual and being molested is what made me think I had to be sexual to have people accept me and fit in. Whichever the case, being able to embrace my asexuality is now helping me to move forward towards a life that's more fulfilling to me.

Actually, it's weird how the topic of kids became intertwined in this convo because that is something I have always wanted but didn't think I'd have because of my situation. Now that I am more confident in my feelings of not wanting a partnership with another person, I am comfortable with the prospect of having kids on my own. I am scheduled to undergo artificial insemination the end of June. :-)

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^^^^^ in reference to all this ^^^^^

My PTSD is assault related and, when I really analyze it, I feel like my struggle with asexuality may have actually been a contributing factor to the PTSD, not vice versa.

Even though I was never driven by a desire for sex or dating, I would force myself to participate in social activities geared towards such things in an effort to fit in and be 'normal'. I used alcohol to ease the anxiety and often overdid it. I was a disaster waiting to happen and I really think it was because I was fighting being asexual. When I look back on all my intimate social interactions and how I felt about things in school, I was ALWAYS asexual. It didn't just pop up after the assault.

What may have been a trauma-related factor to my asexuality is I was molested as a child. But it happened when I was only four so I think it's impossible to say whether that was the cause of my asexuality. My psychologist thought so. I think I was already asexual and being molested is what made me think I had to be sexual to have people accept me and fit in. Whichever the case, being able to embrace my asexuality is now helping me to move forward towards a life that's more fulfilling to me.

Actually, it's weird how the topic of kids became intertwined in this convo because that is something I have always wanted but didn't think I'd have because of my situation. Now that I am more confident in my feelings of not wanting a partnership with another person, I am comfortable with the prospect of having kids on my own. I am scheduled to undergo artificial insemination the end of June. :-)

First off my condilences go out you.It is so hard to deal with the pressuresof life. We all make mistakes but it is terrible of people to take advantage of those in a hard spot.

But on the happier note OMG congratz I really hope all goes well. I bet you will be a great mommy.

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Charlie777

Asexuality seems to be a heresy with the mental health profession. When I was dumb enough to go to therapists I was constantly being told that I was really a "repressed homosexual" and need to accept that and come out of my closet.

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I think its because there are three main drives to an animal species. First is safety, second is food, and third is sex. Its sooo ingrained that these are necessary to be a living creature that we can not NOT have one of three. Which is a little silly because humans are mostly mental creatures and there are cases of humans not wanting those other things. Depressed suicidal people dont want safety, anorexic people do not want food, so why is it hard to imagine a human could not want sex? The difference between thoe three is a human can have a great happy and fullfilling life without sex, so I wouldnt consider it a mental disease like I would those other two, even though all three can be genetic.

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First of all i should explain myself: i come from a family of doctors. My father is in internal medicine, my mother is a psychiatrist and I'm in my first year of med school. I have been interested in medicine since i was 7 and have been shadowing doctors around my parent's hospital since i was 10, I spent most of my time in a psych ward talking to patients about everything. I even went to some therapy sessions (sessions that were supposed to be 1 on 1). I also went to a psychiatrist when i was 16 (she was in private practice. I couldn't go to any psychiatrist i knew because i had a friendly connection with them. Just FYI i went to see her because i tried to kill myself, not because of my asexuality, but some other issues. Asexuality came up later)

Since i'm on both sides of this issue, i can offer some tips and things you should remember. First of all things you should remember:

1. no GOOD therapist will laugh at you. EVER!!! Even if you tell them that you are a three headed unicorn with magical poop that you like to eat because it keeps the monsters away (something that a patient actually told me). If you tell a joke, they will most likely laugh a little to show support and acknowledgement, but will soon try to get on with the session (if joking isn't helping).They will NEVER laugh at something that isn't a joke. If they laugh at you, explain that it isn't a joke. If they are still laughing, just leave.

2. Therapist is not your friend. They are your doctor. If a therapist starts feeling a deeper connection with a patient, they must be separated. So be truthful, tell them when you don't trust them and why, if you like them or not, what you want to fix in your relationship etc.

3. Therapist is trying to help you. When they are trying to figure out the source of your asexuality, they aren't disrespecting your orientation, they are, you know, trying to help you. There are other reasons behind some asexuals besides being born that way and it is not healthy to deny a part of yourself, no matter what part that might be or why you are denying it. So just go on that journey with your psychiatrist. You will spend abut an hour (maybe a few more) talking about your past experiences and how you perceive hings. After that with some of various methods you may discover you are in fact sexual, which is ok. Also you might discover that there is nothing wrong with you, it is just the way you are and that is also ok.

4. Seeing a therapist is NOT a one way street. Feel free to ask them ANY questions you have. Also some people find it much easier to open up when the spotlight isn't on them every second of every session.

now for some tips:

1. DO NOT dump everything on them all at once. They are human too. If they have never heard of asexuality it might be a shock to them. Best to avoid labels, at least for yourself, for now.

2. Try to talk to your therapist about LGBTadasjkljafgs (I stopped keeping track of which letters were added, sry) community. Try to get a feel how much they know about the community with questions like: "how do you think someone like (name something, for example trans) would feel" At first try to distance yourself form the topic, don't ask about sexual attraction right away. Just so you know every therapist will know that you are trying to admit something to them at this point.

3. Try talking about identities and gender. How would they identify. Also remember that this is a conversation, not an interview. They are figuring out how to help you while you figure out how to safely come out to them. Talk about yourself as well as them. If the question "What do you define as your sexual orientation?" comes up, just try to avoid the question for now. If nothing else, just say i don't want to talk abut that now. But remember to talk about their sexual orientation and sexual attraction in general.

4. Before this next bit remember: You are trying to ease them into your world. Use binary genders, don't drop every bit of knowledge in an instant, avoid greys, demis, etc. Stick to the basics FOR NOW.

Now should the question of sexual attraction come up. The best question is (at least in my experience): "Do you ever feel sexually attracted to (gender that they aren't attracted to eg. she is a heterosexual woman, is she attracted to other women)?" Cis hetero people understand this question the best in my experience. If they sometimes feel sexual attraction to that specific gender, ask them when they don't and why. If they are bi, they almost certainly don't feel attracted to everyone so ask them about that. The point of this is to get them to think about sexual attraction and that they don't ALWAYS feel sexually attracted to everyone.

5. Now starts the explaining. Ask them if they think there is something opposite of bi, like not feeling attracted to anyone. Try to correlate their not feeling attraction all the time to your not feeling attraction ever.

6. Finally TAKE YOUR TIME. It is ok to plan out your session and then to come to the therapist and say: "I want to talk abut THIS!" Also not everything has to be done in one session, take time with this as well. When i tried to explain myself to my psychiatrist, it took me 3 one hour sessions.

Now i know some of you might think that they are professionals and that they MUST understand and support you, but remember that they are human too. Also yelling at someone: "RESPECT ME AND BELIEVE THIS THING THAT I TELL YOU BECAUSE I SAY SO" will make everyone defensive and shut you out. Ease them in and try to explain everything to them.

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Hooded_Crow

Unfortunately, from the moment I told my psychiatrist, she was all over me with the "so that's a whole part of the human experience you're just not interested in?" (Add shocked tone here)

And then when I mentioned hoping I could have a family life one day, her brain was like "whaaaaa?"

I was seeing her for depression and when I mentioned asexuality she seemed to think "there's that girl's problem!"

I don't see her anymore.

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Hi all. Thanks for your responses.. it basically went like... first a meet a like, general therapist who takes down all I have to say, and from there they pair me with another.. so. I chickened out and I did not tell this one specifically that I identify as asexual, or somewhere on that scale.. but I did mention that I never really had an interest, blah blah I said it all already. The pros, she was really nice and fairly open.. cons.. now I have to meet someone new again. I mean I guess they'll know all this stuff since she took all the notes to give them... but it kinda stinks because now I've got to feel all nervous and meet a new person all over again umu

First of all i should explain myself: i come from a family of doctors. My father is in internal medicine, my mother is a psychiatrist and I'm in my first year of med school. I have been interested in medicine since i was 7 and have been shadowing doctors around my parent's hospital since i was 10, I spent most of my time in a psych ward talking to patients about everything. I even went to some therapy sessions (sessions that were supposed to be 1 on 1). I also went to a psychiatrist when i was 16 (she was in private practice. I couldn't go to any psychiatrist i knew because i had a friendly connection with them. Just FYI i went to see her because i tried to kill myself, not because of my asexuality, but some other issues. Asexuality came up later)

Since i'm on both sides of this issue, i can offer some tips and things you should remember. First of all things you should remember:

1. no GOOD therapist will laugh at you. EVER!!! Even if you tell them that you are a three headed unicorn with magical poop that you like to eat because it keeps the monsters away (something that a patient actually told me). If you tell a joke, they will most likely laugh a little to show support and acknowledgement, but will soon try to get on with the session (if joking isn't helping).They will NEVER laugh at something that isn't a joke. If they laugh at you, explain that it isn't a joke. If they are still laughing, just leave.

2. Therapist is not your friend. They are your doctor. If a therapist starts feeling a deeper connection with a patient, they must be separated. So be truthful, tell them when you don't trust them and why, if you like them or not, what you want to fix in your relationship etc.

3. Therapist is trying to help you. When they are trying to figure out the source of your asexuality, they aren't disrespecting your orientation, they are, you know, trying to help you. There are other reasons behind some asexuals besides being born that way and it is not healthy to deny a part of yourself, no matter what part that might be or why you are denying it. So just go on that journey with your psychiatrist. You will spend abut an hour (maybe a few more) talking about your past experiences and how you perceive hings. After that with some of various methods you may discover you are in fact sexual, which is ok. Also you might discover that there is nothing wrong with you, it is just the way you are and that is also ok.

4. Seeing a therapist is NOT a one way street. Feel free to ask them ANY questions you have. Also some people find it much easier to open up when the spotlight isn't on them every second of every session.

now for some tips:

1. DO NOT dump everything on them all at once. They are human too. If they have never heard of asexuality it might be a shock to them. Best to avoid labels, at least for yourself, for now.

2. Try to talk to your therapist about LGBTadasjkljafgs (I stopped keeping track of which letters were added, sry) community. Try to get a feel how much they know about the community with questions like: "how do you think someone like (name something, for example trans) would feel" At first try to distance yourself form the topic, don't ask about sexual attraction right away. Just so you know every therapist will know that you are trying to admit something to them at this point.

3. Try talking about identities and gender. How would they identify. Also remember that this is a conversation, not an interview. They are figuring out how to help you while you figure out how to safely come out to them. Talk about yourself as well as them. If the question "What do you define as your sexual orientation?" comes up, just try to avoid the question for now. If nothing else, just say i don't want to talk abut that now. But remember to talk about their sexual orientation and sexual attraction in general.

4. Before this next bit remember: You are trying to ease them into your world. Use binary genders, don't drop every bit of knowledge in an instant, avoid greys, demis, etc. Stick to the basics FOR NOW.

Now should the question of sexual attraction come up. The best question is (at least in my experience): "Do you ever feel sexually attracted to (gender that they aren't attracted to eg. she is a heterosexual woman, is she attracted to other women)?" Cis hetero people understand this question the best in my experience. If they sometimes feel sexual attraction to that specific gender, ask them when they don't and why. If they are bi, they almost certainly don't feel attracted to everyone so ask them about that. The point of this is to get them to think about sexual attraction and that they don't ALWAYS feel sexually attracted to everyone.

5. Now starts the explaining. Ask them if they think there is something opposite of bi, like not feeling attracted to anyone. Try to correlate their not feeling attraction all the time to your not feeling attraction ever.

6. Finally TAKE YOUR TIME. It is ok to plan out your session and then to come to the therapist and say: "I want to talk abut THIS!" Also not everything has to be done in one session, take time with this as well. When i tried to explain myself to my psychiatrist, it took me 3 one hour sessions.

Now i know some of you might think that they are professionals and that they MUST understand and support you, but remember that they are human too. Also yelling at someone: "RESPECT ME AND BELIEVE THIS THING THAT I TELL YOU BECAUSE I SAY SO" will make everyone defensive and shut you out. Ease them in and try to explain everything to them.

Thank you for all these tips.. I'll try to keep them in mind and remember them!

Unfortunately, from the moment I told my psychiatrist, she was all over me with the "so that's a whole part of the human experience you're just not interested in?" (Add shocked tone here)
And then when I mentioned hoping I could have a family life one day, her brain was like "whaaaaa?"
I was seeing her for depression and when I mentioned asexuality she seemed to think "there's that girl's problem!"
I don't see her anymore.

oh goodness. That doesn't sound right at all. @_@ I hope you've found someone better since then!

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