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Virgin, demisexual or sexually repressed? (long post)


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So, when I was a Christian, I had no desire to be sexually intimate with anybody, until marriage. It's a pledge I made as a catholic, while awaiting confirmation, and held onto that pledge as a united methodist. I've noticed that I didn't have any urges whatsoever until trying masturbation for the first time. Then I started having urges... with one person - my girlfriend.

Now, I'm an atheist. I let go of that pledge for abstinence the same day I stopped believing in god, and this was a little over 5 months ago, but for some reason, when I fantasize about being sexual with any other person, I don't feel much if at all, but if it's my girlfriend I fantasize about, boy do I become aroused, and I have to "relieve my arousal."

As time goes by, I start to desire sexual contact with my girlfriend more and more, and the feelings are more and more intense. I do plan on talking to her about just how far we're willing to go, intimacy-wise, and see if she would be interested in a sexual relationship.

I do see people as having nice bodies, and my eyes tend to be drawn to certain locatons of the body, this is for both men and women, and occasionally anywhere else on the gender spectrum. I especially think men and women look hot in their undergarnments. My biggest problem is deciding if this is aesthetic or sexual attraction, because I typically don't desire to do much with them sexually, and if I do, it's typically for the purpose of experimentation, and to satesfy a curiosity.

I'm especially confused because some definitions of sexual attraction lead me to claim demisexuality, others, repressed, others still, heterosexual, heteroflixible, bisexual, gray sexual, asexual w/high libido, and pansexual. I'm starting to wonder if there is a coherent definition at all for sexual attraction.

I don't know if I'm sexually repressed, demisexual, a 21 year old virgin who's just discovering his sexuality, or if I just don't know what sexual attraction is at all. Could I be demisexual? Or am I just repressed? Or just a late bloomer/virgin who's just discovering his sexuality or whatever? Thanks a bunch.

Sorry for the long post. I had to be sure I was thorough.

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From my experience of this website and the asexual community as a whole, it seems that there really is no definition that properly defines sexual attraction. I think you just kind of have to work out for yourself if you experience it. There are various analogies which have varying degrees of helpfulness on this topic, but I can't actually remember any of them right now.

It sounds like there's a pretty good chance you're demisexual from what you've said, but, as you've probably heard about a trillion times before on this sight and are probably bored to death of hearing, none of us can tell you what to identify as. You need to work it out for yourself.

However, what I will say is I doubt you're just a "late bloomer". I'm sure there are a very few rare cases of it, but pretty much nobody takes until they're 21 to experience sexual attraction (if they're allosexual). That occurs at some point during puberty, so if you know that's been and gone, then it's very unlikely anything new will happen to do with that.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. I hope you manage to find out your identity soon! :cake:

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I would imagine repression has something to do with why this is so new, but as for your actual sexuality, that's something you have to figure out.

It sounds like you're describing aesthetic attraction to most and sexual attraction to your girlfriend to me though. That could indicate that you're demisexual, or that you're very monogamous.

Whatever the case, i hope you are able to have a healthy relationship with sexuality and enjoy it now that you don't feel held to Christian morals! :)

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So, when I was a Christian, I had no desire to be sexually intimate with anybody, until marriage. It's a pledge I made as a catholic, while awaiting confirmation, and held onto that pledge as a united methodist. I've noticed that I didn't have any urges whatsoever until trying masturbation for the first time. Then I started having urges... with one person - my girlfriend.

Now, I'm an atheist. I let go of that pledge for abstinence the same day I stopped believing in god, and this was a little over 5 months ago, but for some reason, when I fantasize about being sexual with any other person, I don't feel much if at all, but if it's my girlfriend I fantasize about, boy do I become aroused, and I have to "relieve my arousal."

As time goes by, I start to desire sexual contact with my girlfriend more and more, and the feelings are more and more intense. I do plan on talking to her about just how far we're willing to go, intimacy-wise, and see if she would be interested in a sexual relationship.

I do see people as having nice bodies, and my eyes tend to be drawn to certain locatons of the body, this is for both men and women, and occasionally anywhere else on the gender spectrum. I especially think men and women look hot in their undergarnments. My biggest problem is deciding if this is aesthetic or sexual attraction, because I typically don't desire to do much with them sexually, and if I do, it's typically for the purpose of experimentation, and to satesfy a curiosity.

I'm especially confused because some definitions of sexual attraction lead me to claim demisexuality, others, repressed, others still, heterosexual, heteroflixible, bisexual, gray sexual, asexual w/high libido, and pansexual. I'm starting to wonder if there is a coherent definition at all for sexual attraction.

I don't know if I'm sexually repressed, demisexual, a 21 year old virgin who's just discovering his sexuality, or if I just don't know what sexual attraction is at all. Could I be demisexual? Or am I just repressed? Or just a late bloomer/virgin who's just discovering his sexuality or whatever? Thanks a bunch.

Sorry for the long post. I had to be sure I was thorough.

It's perfectly okay to be a recovering Christian and still feel bashful about sex. /hugs/

I'm more inclined to say "recovering Christian" than "repressed" or "demisexual," because that's so much more like a song. :D

My vote is an awesome person who is still figuring it out and maybe is a bit repressed. And that's okay. :P

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Try not to feel too pressured to pin down any possible experiences of sexual attraction, if it's becoming stressful. It's okay to just be uncertain.

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  • 5 weeks later...

If you desire sexual contact. than you my friend have sexual attraction towards your girlfriends, you reach to each other enough for you to feel this way over time, while you probably didn't before. Aesthetic attraction is in the eye of the beholder, but my aesthetic attraction while it apply outside it also apply on the inside. Romantic attraction, sensual attraction, it all developed as you get to know her more and you my friend are already at that reach now. Still this doesn't mean you need to have all four of them.

Keep us posted for once you realize and accept whatever label suits you most, after more self-exploring, knowing yourself on the inside.

Good luck to you!

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