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Confused over the word "queer"


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happytriangles

So I see this word out and about, people use it to describe themselves, people call the 'Q' in LGBTAQ+ "queer/questioning". I actually use it to describe my gender 'cause I have no clue what it is... But then there's this whole controversy on its usage? Like people get incredibly offended at its usage because of its history- which I totally get and all, don't get me wrong- and now, I'm afraid of using it because I don't want to offend anybody.

Words can change their meaning, but once a word has becomes a slur is it possible to become a respectful word again...?

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Well, as far as I know, Queer started off as an insult toward people who were homosexual or didn't appear to be as "male" or "female" as society dictated they should.

It has since been "reclaimed" by the LGBT+ community as both a term to describe ambiguity, and a blanket term for the community.

Some individuals dislike this because of the discrimination and hate the word still represents to them. Some see reclaiming the word as empowering and taking it back from their abusers. When speaking with lgbt people, be aware that they may not like to use the term.

It's generally frowned upon to use the word if you are not yourself part of the "queer" community, just as when white people use the N word.

As long as you're part of the community, you can decide what you are comfortable with - but please be careful to check with who you're talking to and see what they think of it.

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*** Warning: All I say is my personal opinion and not necessarily true for all. There might be some mistakes which I kindly ask you to correct ****

I believe by using it differently the word "queer" could lose it's negative connotation.

Also, people who identify as queer know that they are different, and I feel like through calling myself queer it is easier for me to accept and be proud of not being like the heterosexual cisgender majority. It is a fact that queer people are different, and we should not try to hide it and pretend to be "normal".

Of course, being queer doesn't make us another species and we still have loads in common with non-queer people.

I don't think people will be offended if you call yourself queer. Why should they? As long as you don't force the label on them...

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AveSatanas

Gender Queer is its own label these days and has very little to do with 'queer' as in queer or questioning. Nobody has the right to tell you how to identify. Use the word if you want. I think in the Trans* community it is more accepted but if you truly don't know what your gender is you may want to identify as gender fluid if you feel that your gender changes from time to time. But if you just don't know and it is what it is, Gender Queer is the right term and don't let any body run you off of it. The trans community kind of is its own thing inside the LGBTQ because gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

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EggplantWitch

I believe by using it differently the word "queer" could lose it's negative connotation.

I'm a English Language student and I can confirm, this is what will happen so long as people don't try to fight it. There are a lot of words out there that started out as insults but were adopted as a badge of pride by the people they set out to insult. For example, 'Nerd' and 'Dude' - as well as 'Yankee' and even 'Prime Minister'!

With this in mind, you may call yourself queer and anyone telling you you shouldn't should be ignored, but I'd recommend asking people you know to be LGBT+ if they mind being called it as some of them (especially those who are older than about 30) might have experienced it being used in a very negative way. But like I and the others above have said, no one can tell you not to use it on yourself.

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I think it's one of those words that can be positive or negative, depending on how it is used. People can turn almost anything into an insult if they say it like an insult. But queer isn't an inherently negative word. Aside from meaning odd or strange (an older usage), it's pretty much used as an umbrella term for any sexual or gender minority. While I personally don't have a problem with it, I have known people who fit in that umbrella that dislike being considered queer.

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It is a reclaimed word by a lot of people, but like people above have said, keep in mind not everyone has reclaimed it. I haven't and don't ever plan to. It's never been used as an insult towards me, but I grew up thinking of it that way, and personally I don't find anything empowering about reclaiming it. I understand why people like to use it, especially if they're not sure what their sexuality/gender is, but I find it frustrating when people say the "queer community" because I don't feel like I belong to that. You can absolutely use it for yourself, but I definitely wouldn't call other people queer unless they've said that's how they identify.

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I'm not from an English speaking country, and although terms like "gay" are widely used, I never head about queer until a few months ago, so I don't have the perspective towards that word that other might have, but I wouldn't use it. Queer means strange, it's like, calling yourself weird, strange, not normal or something like that, and although I get the aim of reclaiming that word bu, I just don't end up liking it. I prefer for example, questioning, rather than queer, because it might sound cliche but we're all normal, even if our orientations (gender, whatev) don't fit in the widely spread shiny little boxes. I think we all deserve to feel "normal" just as everybody else.

I believe by using it differently the word "queer" could lose it's negative connotation.

I'm a English Language student and I can confirm, this is what will happen so long as people don't try to fight it. There are a lot of words out there that started out as insults but were adopted as a badge of pride by the people they set out to insult. For example, 'Nerd' and 'Dude' - as well as 'Yankee' and even 'Prime Minister'!

But as I've briefly said, I totally agree with that so, although if I don't end up liking the word so much I think is positive making a use of it.

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Tarfeather

In Tolkien's books, queer is what uneducated people say about strange folk they know nothing about. So I like the term. Queer refers to relationship and gender dynamics that aren't well understood by most people. It makes sense. Also, I won't call somebody else queer the same way I won't call them gay or asexual. Like, there isn't even any reason to do that. However, when you're talking about yourself and say you're queer or your relationship is queer or whatever, that's your choice and you're not really responsible for others taking that as insult.

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For example, 'Nerd' and 'Dude' - as well as 'Yankee' and even 'Prime Minister'!

"Prime Minister" was an insult? This sounds like something worth reading more about.

I don't think people will be offended if you call yourself queer. Why should they? As long as you don't force the label on them...

I agree that people should get to call themselves whatever they like, but I can also understand if someone finds a word so offensive that they think it shouldn't be used at all. If we for example imagine a society where depression is not recognised as a real illness and those who are or appear to be depressed are called "deps", the meaning being that they're just lazy fakers who need to get over themselves, I can see why someon fighting for the acceptance of depression as a legitimate illness might take offence if someone still described themself as a "dep", because the whole word was laden with untrue suppositions. Like calling yourself a dep would mean that you don't see your depression as a clinical problem, possibly meaning that you don't see depression in general as one.

That being said it took me years to learn that queer is still offensive to people these days. I'm a Finnish-speaking Finn, and my first introduction to the word was when Queer as Folk first aired here. I was aware that it was used as a slur, but in Finnish the word "homo", which means a gay man, is used as both a slur as a legitimate term for gay men, so I guess I though queer was like that. I had to read a book on queer theory on English before I realised all the complications.

And to think that when I first read From Eroica with Love I never realised the major was bashing Eroica by calling him a queer. I thought he was just stating the obvious by saying that he was gay. You live and learn.

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Queer started off as meaning "strange" or "different", didn't it? It was only after that that it came to be used as a slur against gay people. That's why in old books - written by people like Jane Austen - you find them describing circumstances as queer, because it had a different meaning to begin with.

Queer is one of the ones being taken back by the LGBT+ community. It is becoming more respectful, but some people will still look at you weird for using it.

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The word "queer" means meant different/peculiar/odd, and as far as I understand, it still does. Such as... genderqueer or a queerplatonic. The "queer" in those words signifies that they fall outside the traditional definition - outside of what is normally is meant by gender or what is thought of a platonic relationship.

Queer was used for a time to mean homosexual -- mostly used to describe homosexual men and it was used in a derogatory way. Because of this, I wouldn't call someone queer as a complete description. To just say, "he is queer." At the least, that ambiguity is confusing (do I mean he is odd? Do I mean he is gay? If I mean gay, why use the word that also means odd and was once used derogatorily?). If someone wants to self-identify as queer, that's their choice. There's nothing inherently wrong with the word -- personally, I'm odd and proud of it (I'd have no problem calling myself queer except for the confusion).

Where I can appreciate and use the word queer is in umbrella term for LGBTAQ. Queer is a description of non-normative identities or relationships or gender or other non-conformists identities. Queer covers all of it as opposed to something specific. A person wouldn't use the word queer rights if they really mean trans* rights (such as trans* rights to use the restrooms of their gender) or say queer rights if they specifically mean gay marriage rights. Queer is used more generally. Queer studies or queer theory, queer art, queer culture, etc. That way everyone who falls outside of society's normative view is covered in that term.

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It's used pretty widely in academic places, and by some parts of the sprawling LGBTQQIAP+ (those are the letters I can think of off the top of my head at this moment) community. I use it for myself, and sometimes about culture. Someone above mentioned things like queer studies/theory. I think that queer is pretty wide-spread with a younger generation of... queers. Tumblr, students events, uni clubs seem to use it? I think it's pretty changeable.

A less well known meaning is eccentric, which is pretty much what LGBT+ people were thought of for a long time. I think that language around the community is incredibly fluid. For a while there was an LGBT+ positive movement that used the term 'invert', which is pretty insulting, really. And inaccurate and kind of crude. But, that's what this group used for themselves, to take posetion of their identity and to feel that they were part of a community and also that their 'inversion' was something normal and natural and not abominable.

I dunno, I think that some people find it offensive, some find it empowering. LGBT+ is a pretty disparate group and the 'community' of LGBT+ is pretty much just a forced thing created by the fact that our culture defined people as 'normal' and 'not normal', and the parameters for 'normal' are incredibly strict and confining, and so the 'not normal' group is just everybody else, regardless of if they have anything to do with one another. To find a term that is inoffensive to everytone is pretty impossible. In my opinion. I am aware that I have much to learn.

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cosmosredshift7

I use it as an umbrella term for my romantic attraction, and I also fall under the genderqueer umbrella. I've had people basically tell me that I can screw off for using the word queer, and then I have friends who use the genderqueer label for themselves. I also consider it kind of a taking-back of the word itself; I use it to refer to myself, though not to other people, because I don't know how they feel about it being used to refer to themselves or other people in the community.

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Queer started off as meaning "strange" or "different", didn't it? It was only after that that it came to be used as a slur against gay people. That's why in old books - written by people like Jane Austen - you find them describing circumstances as queer, because it had a different meaning to begin with.

Queer is one of the ones being taken back by the LGBT+ community. It is becoming more respectful, but some people will still look at you weird for using it.

It always confused me to hear this word used in a negative way. I actually like "queer" because it has such a nice, questioning sound to it. It doesn't sound angry enough to be an insult, don't you think? Saying "idiot" or "retard" or "faggot" makes it sound like one is spitting the words, but not so with "queer." I feel that it simply describes, and does not degrade, not only because of its sound but its meaning. It's not bad to be different!

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I personally would prefer a different name for the LGBTIAPQQ+ community, because the acronym has become far too long and people keep discussing which letters should be in it and what they actually mean (A is obviously for ally, of course :P ). Since some people don't want to be called queer, "queer community" is a bit problematic.

I really liked an abbreviation GSM (gender and sexual minorities) that I read somewhere here on AVEN. But so far no one I asked had ever heard about it, which is a bit sad.

What do you think about it?

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I've recently seen the acronym MOGAI (Marginalized Orientations, Gender, And Intersex) which I like because it encompasses everything that GSM does but is also inclusive to intersex people!

So I think that could be a good alternative to "queer community" as well. Although I have recently considering identifying as queer because I don't really know where my romantic orientation sits between pi and pan. *shrugs*

ETA: Like Cat's Choice said above, queer sounds nice to me too! Well, for my personal orientation at least. I like that it's not too defining I guess...

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Yet another label. For those who are not hetrosexual.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been under the impression that heterosexuals can be queer too. Heterosexuals can also be crossdressers or have kinks or something like that, and I think things like that count as queer at least according to some definitions of the word.

Or then I may have misunderstood since people have sometimes used "pervo", which means perverted, as a Finnish word for queer.

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EggplantWitch

Yet another label. For those who are not hetrosexual.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been under the impression that heterosexuals can be queer too. Heterosexuals can also be crossdressers or have kinks or something like that, and I think things like that count as queer at least according to some definitions of the word.

Or then I may have misunderstood since people have sometimes used "pervo", which means perverted, as a Finnish word for queer.

I am vehemently against cishet people with kinks being included under queer, but you're right about some heterosexuals falling into the category. For example, a trans man who is attracted only to women could count himself as heterosexual, but could also call himself queer if he wanted to.

To add contribution to the GSM/MOGAI debate - I like MOGAI as an initialism quite a lot! It doesn't allow for allies to take anything away, and as has been commented above it allows in intersex people too. It doesn't have any controversial history behind it, and you can also pronounce it as a word rather than a string of letter sounds like GSM. It's just a matter of getting it out there :)

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cosmosredshift7

Yet another label. For those who are not hetrosexual.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been under the impression that heterosexuals can be queer too. Heterosexuals can also be crossdressers or have kinks or something like that, and I think things like that count as queer at least according to some definitions of the word.

Or then I may have misunderstood since people have sometimes used "pervo", which means perverted, as a Finnish word for queer.

Hahaha NO KINKSTERS ARE NOT QUEER. Having kinks does NOT make cishets part of the community.
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