DragonfruitC Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Ok, so I just wanted to better understand a couple of things about this topic. Number one: Is this an actual thing? The way I understand it so far is that being asexual means you aren't sexually attracted to another person, but what about being attracted to someone in just a romantic way? What I mean is, being in a relationship, but not having sex. Can this happen with an asexual person? Number two: If this is a thing, how does one manage that? If an asexual person were to have a relationship with someone who had sexual desires, then how would you manage that? Would you have sex anyway, or would you not, or would you find a happy medium? Anyway, those are my questions, and I hope some of you can answer them for me. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
<Tom> Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 1) Absolutely. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are very different. For example, I'm romantically attracted to women, but not sexually. 2) It would vary depending on the person. Some asexuals don't mind sex, some are repulsed by it. Personally, I'd be fine doing whatever made my partner happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayiie Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I see myself as asexual. And I have a boyfriend that lives really, really far away. But he is sexually active. Now, I have never had sex with any of my former boyfriends, simply because it never felt right, it never felt like they ever respected my limits and how far I was willing to go, with Cody, he respects everything about me, and so I am willing to make him as happy as he makes me. So, I will say yes to both of your questions since that is how it is for me ^.^ then of course everyone are different when it comes to sex, but I am willing to make someone like Cody happy since he respects me and my limits. Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Moved to the Asexual Relationships forum. Bipolar Bear Asexual Q&A Mod Link to post Share on other sites
Flaming Ace Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 1) Of course. Sexless relationships are heard of with asexual people. If their partner loves them that much to hold themselves back, it's possible. 2) Some asexuals might have sex with their partner just to make their partner happy, some may work things out about it. If the asexual is not comfortable with the idea of sex, it might become a sexless relationship if their partner truly loves them. Some people just find a happy medium, some asexuals have sex just to please their partner, and some are just sexless. All relationships are different. Some work out, some do not. It's hard to find a sexless relationship it seems, since when I came out to my ex, he left me the next day... Link to post Share on other sites
an18059 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Like the others have said, of course an asexual person can have a boyfriend or girlfriend (or just a SO I guess, if they don't conform to the traditional genders). There are lots of different types of attraction that humans can experience, other than sexual attraction. For example, I identify as asexual and hetero-romantic, so I can feel romantically attracted towards guys, but not sexually. There are of course aromantic aces who wouldn't want that kind of relationship, but many of us are alloromantic. (NB: a person's orientation doesn't necessarily dictate their actions anyway; you could be aromatic and still be in a romantic relationship.) Whether or not a relationship involves sex entirely depends on the specific people in it. There are many asexual/allosexual relationships where they have sex as much as any allosexual couple, and ones where they only have sex from time to time, and where they don't have sex at all. There are also other compromises that can be made, such as polyamorous or open relationships. After all, there aren't exactly rules of what can and can't happen in any relationship, so it's no different in one with an asexual person in it. Link to post Share on other sites
LexusKraft Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 1) Absolutely. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are very different. For example, I'm romantically attracted to women, but not sexually. 2) It would vary depending on the person. Some asexuals don't mind sex, some are repulsed by it. Personally, I'd be fine doing whatever made my partner happy. It bugs me how a huge mass of people think sex has to be regularly present for love to work. Its a wrong judgement. I have to say that sometimes I like the idea of sexual activity, but when it actually comes down to it, I find it uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing. Sexual attraction doesn't work for me. Link to post Share on other sites
DragonfruitC Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Well, alrighty then. I guess I still have a lot to figure out about this :/ Link to post Share on other sites
The Strong Force Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 1) Yes it is an actual thing. I have an Asexual girlfriend whom I absolutely adore and would not trade for the world. I am as fond of her as any member of a sexual relationship can be their partner and am more so than many of the ones I've seen in high school. 2) Cant really say I have enough experience to answer the second question, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
animanova Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Romantic attraction always helps in making a relationship. Aromantic means you would rather not engage in any romantic relationship such as with a boyfriend or girlfriend. As for having sex, it depends on compromise and what all parties are comfortable with. That can be a tricky part, especially if you are sex-repulsed and or a non-libidoist. Link to post Share on other sites
__AJ__ Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Ive had a relationship with a girl with a high sex drive for 5 years now. Its pretty hard on her cause we have never had sex ever. I dont have anything against having sex for her sake, but the idea of having sex turns me off so much that its just not physically possible Link to post Share on other sites
Platitude Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Hell, I hope this is a thing. If it isn't, I must be existing in some sort of temporal rift in space-time... In all seriousness, it really does vary. I'm (probably) biromantic, so I can ostensibly fall in love and carry on a romantic relationship with either males or females. Others are aromantic, and just don't engage in romantic associations period. The actual act of sex is also very open to interpretation. Some people are sex-repulsed, to the point in which having sex is almost physically impossible due to the inability to get aroused physically or mentally. Others may be perfectly fine having sex to please their partners. Everyone has a specific level of comfortability with intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I've wanted an asexual romantic relationship since I was 12. Unfortunately, the narcissism virus which is sweeping through the female single population makes that possibility less likely each year. <_< Link to post Share on other sites
Catlady79 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I don't have any difficulties with romantic attraction but the sexual attraction is another story. I don't have any real sexual attraction to anyone unless it's with someone I have a close bond with and even then it's low in comparison to other people. I used to date both men and women but I am repulsed by men's parts (no offence to the men in here) and only date women exclusively now...ones with a low sexual drive have more of a chance of getting a date with me! Sel x Link to post Share on other sites
Amorphous Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 First, yes, I would prefer to think of my girlfriend as a girlfriend, even though there is no sex involved. Second, it took us a long time to build up the bond, and we didn't know that neither of us were interested in sex until a couple of months into the relationship, but were both mentally prepared to make the sacrifice, in case the other party expressed an interest. You can imagine the (awesome) awkwardness that followed after we talked about it, and some strange moments of insecurity both of us experienced, when we tried to 'make moves', on a presumed lack of satisfaction in each other's lives. I guess perhaps we both knew deep down from the beginning, but coming from very different cultures (she's Chinese, I'm European), there were so many cultural differences that it was at least clouded from my consciousness. Link to post Share on other sites
テト Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Yes. Just because you're asexual that doesn't mean you're automatically aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Gok Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 An asexual girl can have a sexual boyfriend, I guess, she can compromise and such, but for an asexual guy it would be a challenge to satisfy a sexual girl even if he wants to. So we asexual boys can only date asexual girls. :P I wouldn't like to have a sexual girlfriend for the very reason I wouldn't want anyone to repress her desires. A relationship between an asexual boy and a sexual girl could be extremely unhealthy, and involves high risk of cheating. Y'know what I mean. It's not the same thing for an asexual girl because she can have sex even if she doesn't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
CrochetFool Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Sex and relationship weren't listed as synonyms in the dictionary the last time I checked. Let me give you a for-instance. Dabishop and I are both asexual (met on here in fact). We Skype daily and spend as much time together in person as our work schedules allow. Is our relationship just a friendship just because sex is off the table? HELL NO! I don't kiss or snuggle my friends. :P We do all the things other couples do except have sex. And you know what? It totally works. Link to post Share on other sites
Kalidas Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 First off^ super hhappy to hear people starting relationships on this site. To the main topic now. Well I am married so God I hope asexuals ha e relationships because otherwise I dont know what the hell I am. Its a mixed relationship she is allosexual so... yeah she wants sex. I never knew I was asexual till recently but when I told my wife and explained it she essentially said "well you are late to the party." If you are in a relationship like this comprimise is MANDATORY. You need to feel comtorable and so do they, both of you deserve happiness. Luckily for me my wife is the best person in the world(sorry other people you tried but she won) and is working with me on it. We have made some great comprimises and with the help of certain members on this very site, I really think AVEN saved a marriage. So it is totally possible, but it is hard. Communication and coomprimise is a non negotiation, you need it(but every marriage does). Link to post Share on other sites
Kalidas Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Oh and a quick FYI asexuality does not mean sex doesnt feel good. It can actually feel pretty awesome to same asexuals. Just most of us are either repulsed or (as is my case) indifferent towards it. Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 I did...only recently ended because of asexuality and my complete inability to understand sex. We (she) managed it by getting me to many experts to 'fix' me because all above all, she wanted sex. I tried my best, but it just doesn't happen for me. I have no 'instinct'. I didn't know what masturbation was until I was 16, and I never understood its purpose. My inability to meet her needs meant a mutual break up. In my case, there was no long-term happy-medium. No two relationships are alike and each should be treated on their own merits. Link to post Share on other sites
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