Any parents here realize they were asexual?

[snoble]

In advance, sorry if this is too much information but I have no one in real life to talk to about this..

So, I am a 25 year old mother of two young children. I have always identified as bisexual until recently. I've always been attracted to men and women but I am just now beginning to realize that it was not a sexual attraction. I have begun to question whether or not I am asexual after finding out more about it. I realized I have never been sexually attracted to any of my partners but rather, felt like it was something I "had to do" because it was what I was told to do growing up. I don't find sex disgusting exactly but any time I engage in it, it has always felt "off" and I never felt a connection with my partner. I always feel weird or gross after as well. It's never really been a release for me, but something I felt like I had to do for them. I have always felt more satisfied after masturbating by myself than having sex with someone else. Is this something someone else has felt??

I guess I just feel lost after realizing this about myself and am not sure how to handle it? I haven't spoken about this with anyone in real life because I am not sure how they would take it. My boyfriend (and children's father) has always been very accommodating of my lack of sex drive but it's been well over a year since we've had sex and I feel guilty that I can no longer make myself help him with his needs.

[AnActualAngel]

I'm not a parent, but yes, I get that. Before I knew I was an ace, I thought it was my 'duty' to have sex with my bf, and it was just like you described it: I didn't hate it, but it felt weird. Almost boring. As to masturbation, I always felt it was more efficient. I do have a drive (even though it's very low), but why take ages with it with a partner, when you can be rid of it comfortably in a short while when you do it yourself.

Don't worry, it's normal to learn new stuff about yourself, you'll come to terms with it eventually, and it may even be a relief that there are other people like you. :)

And don't feel guilty for not having sex, if it's hurting him, he should come talk to you so you can sort it out. :)
Anyway, thanks for sharing your story and I hope it works out well for you :)

[Star Bit]

Acting sexually toward someone you're not sexually attracted to can result in sexual problems. Some Asexuals can have problems with arousal, orgasm, and less pleasure. There is a meet-up section here; look for one in your area or make your own, and we are always here to offer support.~

[Member4445]

I'm not a parent but I would love to be one :) Sadly, it's a little bit more difficult for that to happen for me but not impossible.

My parents and my brother are all asexual. Thats everyone in a 4 people family. I query whether my grandparents might be too because they've always been mortified over the idea of sex and feelings ect. But they've always wondered why I have male friends since males and females can't just be friends.

My mother is demiromantic and my father is aromantic, they got together/married ect due to their belief that that's what is expected of them. I'm aromantic and my brother is heteromantic. They don't apply the label to themselves but when I've spoken to them about different types of attraction they go 'yeah, that's what everyone experiences. I'm like that too.'

[ithaca]

Hey snoble, welcome to AVEN :cake:

We have a pinned thread for asexual parents in the Asexual Relationships forum :) Here's a link for you: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/70675-asexual-parents-thread/

Hope it helps!