NicoDiAngelo Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Hello, I'm a guy from Mexico and 28 years old and currently in a relationship with another men, I have always defined myself as gay, but lately I've been a little confused and I'd like to listen to your opinions. First of all, I do enjoy sexuality, I mean I like and practice masturbation though not as often as most men my age, I do watch porn sometimes but just for brief periods of time or I get bored. When I'm in a relationship I have sex with my partner but most of the time is just to be ok with him, or to please him. Sex to me is not that neccesary and I can live for months or years without it and it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I don't even remember about sex until my boyfriend ask for it or tell me we've been 2 or 3 months without any sex. I'm a bit of an OCD case, especially about hygiene so in the rare cases I have to have sex it all has to be extremeley clean if you know what I mean, and it's kind of a turn off for my partner. When I think about other men or watch a guy who I think it's hot, I can think of kisses, foreplay, maybe even some blowjobs, but thats it, I cant imagine myself having sex with anyone for my pleasure. So can you be partly asexual? enjoying a relationship, kisses, some degree of intimacy but not sex? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KittiesSong Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Well there are lots of different "levels" of sexuality/asexuality and no one way is better or worse than another. You sound like you very well could be an asexual who enjoys sensual activities like kissing and the like. Identifying as asexual merely means you don't feel sexual attraction. Which to me it sounds like you fit that definition. A sexual person generally desires and wants sex for themselves as well as for their partner (although how much can vary from person to person) but an asexual can enjoy sexual acts but is perfectly content without ever having sex period because they don't crave it. Also there are demi or grey asexuals who may desire sex under certain circumstances such as being in a committed relationship with a partner. Untimately it is up to you to decide where you fit and you can even change as you become more aware of yourself. Again though I really feel as though you are possibly asexual with a sensual side. You enjoy the sensual things but you have sex to please your partner while you are probably feeling good but it isn't something you just HAVE to have again. You can enjoy sex and still be asexual :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CosineTheCat Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 There is also a term "grey-ace" which means that you "sometimes feel sexual attraction but not often" There is most definitely a spectrum varying from asexual to sexual and you could fall anywhere on that. There are also different types of attraction, what you're describing sounds a lot like sensual attraction which is basically cuddling and kissing. I"m going to add a picture in that describing through pictures the different types of attraction that we often talk about. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Other than the clean OCD, what you said is normal for Asexuals. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NicoDiAngelo Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you all, it's a relief to know that I'm not just weird or a freak, people my age, my friends and partner included, think sex is the most vital and central part of life and relationships, And the fact that I don't find sex atractive or vital for life made me feel so foraign. But thank you for your understanding, it's great to know that I'm not alone in this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Elluna Hellen Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 You're not alone at all. Glad you figured that out now! :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Welcome to AVEN! Well, you've already gotten great replies. : ) As you can see, you can be asexual and still enjoy various things that may be sensual or romantic (aces can even enjoy sex--it's just about feeling sexual attraction/desire for partnered sex). You could also fall on the gray-asexual spectrum, but it's whatever feels right to you. Keep exploring, and I hope you enjoy being a member! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Dunno if you know we call your orientation homoromantic asexual, but i guess homo-ace suffices Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 It's isolating being surrounded by people who say that sex is so important, and not acknowledging those who don't feel the same way. Asexuals can each feel differently about sex, ranging from being completely repulsed, indifferent, to being able to enjoy it. Those who can enjoy it, still feel like they don't feel a need for it, and may also feel like they'd be fine to never have it either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Shai Angel Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Welcome to AVEN! I know exactly how you feel, I am the same way. I have had sex with my ex partner many times. However I NEVER enjoyed it, it was something that I just did to please him. I honestly prefer hugs,cuddling, and little kisses on the lips. I applaud you for being open and honest about who you are! I know its not an easy thing to do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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