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Acequeer?


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Womandrogyne

Has anyone already coined acequeer as a term?

It occurred to me as a useful fluid/nebulous label for those of us who drift around among the various very specific ace labels that abound - depending on who we're with or responding to, and who/how we are at the time. I meant it along the same loose-fit lines as genderqueer and queer.

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I've never heard of it, but i think that would just be under Gray-A/Gray-Asexual. Though some people call it fluid sexuality/sexually fluid.

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Womandrogyne

I've never felt like grey-ace was a good fit, because it implies to me a sort of half-sexual (whatever that would mean) that is way further towards being sexual than is my experience (I'm more dark-charcoal-ace :)). None of the current asexual-with-a-hint-of-this-or-that labels really fit either, though, so rather than just coining a new label that only fits me (cf. pyladeasexual), I wanted something more broad spectrum.

I don't suppose it'll be many people's cup of tea.

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I've heard aceflux before which means your sexual attraction and general interest towards sex fluctuates. (there's no widely agreed upon definition for aceflux but after some research I found that's the broad definition for it) I haven't heard acequeer before but maybe aceflux is the word you're looking for...?

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DigitalBookDust

I like it! I ID as ace, aro, and agender now but still as queer and a dyke. My friends are mostly in the queer community. I don't consider myself in grey category but am currently seeking someone local to date casually. This is not due to my asexuality, but more to the fact that I'm a queer duck in general in this small community-an educated older intellectual who prefers books in a rural area where most list 'camping" as the main activity. Sigh.

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Womandrogyne

I don't think aceflux applies to me, because the impression I have is that (like acefluid) your "aceness" wanders about and waxes and wanes - whereas my aceness is stable in how it behaves - but it's interaction-specific in how it behaves.

My main attraction is toward gender-ambiguous people, and almost all the time this attraction is romantic and sensual (I like touch), but not sexual at all.

There are rare occasions with very specific people where I feel like I have sexual attraction too, but I almost never want to act on it regardless of whether they would (and then only if I'm in a loving relationship with them). And then I'm also very occasionally prepared to participate in someone else's sexual desire (but only if I'm in a loving relationship with them), though I don't have any desire of my own.

I don't mean acequeer to mean "ace and queer", but to mean that my aceness is queer in itself - like genderqueer can be a shorthand for "not really fitting any of the classic gender boxes". But I've just started the ball rolling here - if acequeer means different things to different people, I'm entirely unsurprised, since that's the case with pretty much every label under the sun :D.

(By the way, I coined pyladeasexual to cover my own experience, since it means "able/willing to be sexual only with people one is in love with" - pyladea- means "romantic" - and that's whether one's sexual response (if there is one) is primary or secondary. But like I said, it's just another label that really only fits me, so I didn't want to muddy the waters further.)

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My main attraction is toward gender-ambiguous people, and almost all the time this attraction is romantic and sensual (I like touch), but not sexual at all.

You could be androgynoromantic or skolioromantic?

There are rare occasions with very specific people where I feel like I have sexual attraction too, but I almost never want to act on it regardless of whether they would (and then only if I'm in a loving relationship with them).

You could be gray- or demi-lithsexual?

(By the way, I coined pyladeasexual to cover my own experience, since it means "able/willing to be sexual only with people one is in love with" - pyladea- means "romantic" - and that's whether one's sexual response (if there is one) is primary or secondary. But like I said, it's just another label that really only fits me, so I didn't want to muddy the waters further.)

Cool term! Don't worry about muddying the waters - the waters are muddy whether we acknowledge it or not.

I don't see anything wrong with you using "acequeer" or any word that you feel comfortable with but you could use gray-asexual or asexual-spectrum (or just asexual). Gray-ace refers to a large spectrum, not just for "half-sexual" people. In fact, someone who experienced sexual attraction for two minutes and then never again could identify as gray-ace if they wanted to.

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Gray-A means anything between having sexual attraction and not; having characteristics of both simultaneously or at different times. Some of its types lean more towards ace and others towards sexual. Sexual arousal alone is not sexual attraction; Lithsexuals also mentally desire to do sexual things to the partner but in real life they react negatively or indifferently to the reciprocation.

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I've heard aceflux before

That sounds kind of toilet-related. Or loo-related, in the UK.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Womandrogyne

Thanks for the responses, it helps to know there's some handwaviness in the label definitions. Because I have to confess, I can't help myself. I just keep wondering whether - given the term grey-ace - me being only just barely sexual makes me, say, charcoal-ace or dove-ace. I mean, is "sexual" the white or the black?

My own leaning is towards charcoal-ace for two reasons. One is that I tend to think of a sexual scale, like a libido-rheostat, so with me it's "fade to black..." And the other is that I don't think of asexuality as being pure-virginal. I have loads of passionate desire, just not of that one particular flavour.

I'm aware that the people who coined "grey-ace" probably just meant it in the... "*wiggles hand* it's a bit of a grey area" metaphorical sort of sense. But I can't help thinking Shades O'Grey. Sigh.

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Brianna Schultz

I've never heard of acequeer. There is a chart somewhere that has all different sexualities under the asexual spectrum, like demisexual and lesser known ones like lithiosexual and placiosexual and fraysexual and so on.

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