Ponderings about underage dating

[Anthracite_Impreza]

No matter how hard I try to be open to as many relationships as I can I cannot find myself agreeing with either of these. Fifteen year olds are going through a very turbulent time of their lives, they're finding their feet only to stumble again, they rush into decisions because at that age everything is passionate (except getting out of bed in a morning ;) )... and yes, we aces have hormones whizzing around too! I was pretty much a "I hate the world and it hates me" sort of kid, others are reckless, others have unrealistic expectations... To expect a 15 year old and 25 year old to get through a relationship unscathed is pretty unlikely and will harm both sides. Yes, I'm completely aware some teenagers are sensible but no one is really biologically and emotionally mature at that age, it's just a matter of biology.

Aside from that, there is the possibility of deliberate or accidental manipulation and coercion in pretty much all forms (fifteen year olds are rarely able to support themselves), and to me that's scary. That said, I suppose if the fifteen year old continued living with their parent/guardian and was watched closely for the danger signs of abuse, it would be ok in some situations, though I'd still feel worried about it.

[Tarfeather]

Aside from that, there is the possibility of deliberate or accidental manipulation and coercion in pretty much all forms (fifteen year olds are rarely able to support themselves), and to me that's scary.

So.. The fact that a child's parents, who a child has no choice in, have that kind of control doesn't bother you.. But the fact that a partner who a teen chooses by themselves and could leave at any point without any paperwork involved, does? Does not compute. Personally I know far more teens who have been abused by their parents, than by older partners they chose voluntarily.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Aside from that, there is the possibility of deliberate or accidental manipulation and coercion in pretty much all forms (fifteen year olds are rarely able to support themselves), and to me that's scary.

So.. The fact that a child's parents, who a child has no choice in, have that kind of control doesn't bother you.. But the fact that a partner who a teen chooses by themselves and could leave at any point without any paperwork involved, does? Does not compute. Personally I know far more teens who have been abused by their parents, than by older partners they chose voluntarily.

I was kinda working on the assumption that the parents aren't abusive; if they are then yes I would concede a loving relationship would be better. Loving parents, that just want to safeguard their child, would respect their child's wishes while at the same making sure nothing happened to them (as they would in any other situation). I'd rather someone outside the relationship be aware of and monitor the situation until they are of a more mature age personally, but that may be because where I live there are a hell of a lot of child-abuse scandals by both family and much older "partners".

[Lord Jade Cross]

I kind of agree with Tarfeather. There are cases of abusive parents who even exploit their children sexually so parents aren't all safe. I read such a case that happened locally not that long ago...

That being said, a total stranger isn't going to be safe a fair deal of the time, especially nowadays. But I can't demonize them and say that all older partners will abuse of their younger partners. A great deal of caution has to be employed.

[Guest]

I kind of agree with Tarfeather. There are cases of abusive parents who even exploit their children sexually so parents aren't all safe. I read such a case that happened locally not that long ago...

That being said, a total stranger isn't going to be safe a fair deal of the time, especially nowadays. But I can't demonize them and say that all older partners will abuse of their younger partners. A great deal of caution has to be employed.

Of course. A great deal of caution should be applied with ALL relationships, honestly. Too easy to fall in to being abused/manipulated at ANY age.

But, to demonize all 25 year olds that get into relationships with 15 year olds as predators purely on the meaningless number of years, is going too far. And that's what a lot of our laws (and society) tends to do. My cousin MARRIED at 16, she was with her now spouse of 20+ years before that. He was 25 when they married. *shrug* Sometimes it works, a lot of times it doesn't. And it irks me that a piece of paper makes it acceptable (people didn't bat an eyelash at it, since it was marriage) but lack that piece of paper and it's suddenly some awful, horrible event and the older partner is just out for abusing/manipulating the younger one to get sex.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I know what you mean. The double standard factor of it is astounding. I suppose it has to do in a great deal to how society has changed. In a time not that far away, 16 years old were marrying and preparing to have kids. Nowadays they're having wild parties and sex has been demonized a great deal more. *shrugs* society makes no sense.