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Looking at opposite sex bodies, but struggling with having sex?


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So I feel a "tension" with attractive females, and I do notice sexual features on them...sometimes I have a second look lol. Yet I still am not comfortable having sex when in the situation. Can I still be asexual? I have anxiety but no history of abuse that would make me averse to sex.

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Do you unequivocally want to have sex with them? If any of these females were to suddenly turn to you, throw themselves onto you and say "Take me now!"... would you?

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~RedArcher

My friend, let's do the math.

Asexuality is literally feeling no sexual attraction/no NEED to act upon sexual desire with another individual.

I have not read any of your previous posts but have you ever wanted, had and enjoyed sex before? Even sexuals can be aversed to sex and certainly many sexuals feel sexual tension. Lots of women naturally have an "ick" factor when talking about sex, but when the occasion calls for it and they reach a state of arousal, things change. Aversion is natural.

If you are met with an attractive young woman and you think and feel the urge to have sex with her - and do so when you have the chance - you're sexual.

If you are met with an attractive young woman and you appreciate her looks - this is called aesthetic attraction - yet you feel no desire or don't feel comfortable when thinking of engaging in sex, then you fall into the asexual spectrum.

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I guess if they threw themselves at me begging me for sex, then yes, I would try. I had similar situations but it was ackward

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Sexual attraction is when someones presence sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person.

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Sexual attraction is when someones presence sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person.

Oh crap. Maybe I'm not much attracted to my fiance!

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Star-Bit, to help clarify for the un-initiated: what about when someones presence sexually arouses you but you don't desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person? Or how about vice-versa: when you are not sexually aroused, and yet do have some impulse to do sexual things/with that person?... Is this possible?

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I guess it's true that sexuality is a true spectrum. To reference quantum mechanics, sexuality cannot be quantized into straight, gay, bi, asexual only. Perhaps I'm a tad bit sexual but not enough to really crave the full-meal-deal sex. Every person is probably calibrated differently in regards to sexual drive...it's just biology

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Star-Bit, to help clarify for the un-initiated: what about when someones presence sexually arouses you but you don't desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person? Or how about vice-versa: when you are not sexually aroused, and yet do have some impulse to do sexual things/with that person?... Is this possible?

The former is asexuality. (Assuming they don't just feel no desire for sex with that specific person, but no desire for sex with anyone else either). Arousal has nothing to do with it.

The latter is clearly not asexuality; it is probably an organic dysfunction (if they're physically male, Viagra was invented for them as its target group), so I'd say time to see a doctor about it... if it causes distress, that is.

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Star-Bit, to help clarify for the un-initiated: what about when someones presence sexually arouses you but you don't desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person? Or how about vice-versa: when you are not sexually aroused, and yet do have some impulse to do sexual things/with that person?... Is this possible?

The former is asexuality. (Assuming they don't just feel no desire for sex with that specific person, but no desire for sex with anyone else either). Arousal has nothing to do with it.

The latter is clearly not asexuality; it is probably an organic dysfunction (if they're physically male, Viagra was invented for them as its target group), so I'd say time to see a doctor about it... if it causes distress, that is.

Unless in the case of the latter he meant as in secondary sexual desire.

  • Primary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes of personal pleasure whether physical, emotional, or both.
  • Secondary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes other than personal pleasure, such as the happiness of the other person involved or the conception of children.

So I think it would be possible for a person without arousal to go down on a partner or give them a hand job because they would appreciate it.

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Ana, I didn't mean secondary, but thanks indeed for citing the possibility.

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Unless in the case of the latter he meant as in secondary sexual desire.

  • Primary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes of personal pleasure whether physical, emotional, or both.
  • Secondary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes other than personal pleasure, such as the happiness of the other person involved or the conception of children.

So I think it would be possible for a person without arousal to go down on a partner or give them a hand job because they would appreciate it.

Point taken. :cake:

That's not how I usually use the term "sexual desire" (I only mean it in the sense that you call primary there), but you're correct, that is a possibility. :)

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    • Secondary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes other than personal pleasure, such as the happiness of the other person involved or the conception of children.[/
I had sexual activity with partners for years for their happiness, but I certainly didn't or wouldn't describe it as "sexual desire" in any way.
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TeddyMiller

I have something like that, where I'll find a woman sexy, but with no desire to actually have sex with her. An analogy I use is cars: I've never liked driving, but I can still think a car is snazzy looking, without any desire to drive that car.

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Francoise Wang

If you look at an attractive female body, and you get physically aroused (erection) by it, and you do want to have sex with her if it's in the right circumstances, then you're probably sexual. Note that even sexuals wouldn't want to have sex with all the attractive person of their preferred gender. They would want to have sex with some of them, and only get physically aroused when looking at some of them, who they would be aroused by or would want to have sex with depends on their personal preference, but not everytime they see an attractive person's body. (Also getting physically aroused by someone and wanting to have sex with that person doesn't necessarily happen together, most of the sexual people sometimes experience only one of them but not both at the same time.)

If you look at an attractive female body, and you get physically aroused (erection), but everytime you get aroused, you have no desire to have sex with her, no matter in what circumstances, then you probably fall on the grey area (grey-asexual or demisexual).

If you look at an attractive female body, and you never get physically aroused (erection) by it, also you would never have any desire to have sex with her, no matter in what circumstances, then you're probably asexual.

If you look at an attractive female body, and you do want to have sex with her if it's in the right circumstances, but everytime you feel that you want to have sex with her, you don't get physically aroused (erection), then you're probably sexual, but have some physical health issues that result in sexual dysfunction. Then asking your doctor about it would be helpful.

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