Maeone Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time, and I think I'm asexual, but I'm not sure. I'm having trouble figuring out if what I experience sometimes is arousal or sexual attraction.Usually when I see pictures of guys that people think are really hot, I won't feel anything, I'll just recognize that they are attractive. But sometimes I'll see a picture of an attractive person and get a feeling "down there," so I feel aroused but I don't want to actually have sex with them. I know this is arousal, so then my question is -- what is sexual attraction? I've seen some people say it's the mental/psychological reaction of actually wanting to do something with someone, so if I see an attractive person and get aroused, it wouldn't be sexual attraction unless I actually want to do something with them, right?Sometimes when I see someone hot and get aroused, I have some minor fantasies, like I imagine someone is touching me, but if I imagine it going much further than that, I get un-aroused (?).So really, I'm just asking for a clarification -- what I'm feeling is arousal, but not sexual attraction because I don't want to actually do anything with them, correct? Because sexual attraction is actually wanting to do something sexual with a person, whereas arousal is similar, but without the "wanting to do something" part. (Sorry, I'm sure this has been discussed a lot, but I'm new to AVEN) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Yeah sexual attraction is the attraction that makes you desire to connect with someone on a sexual level. If you don't desire actual sex with them (that's partnered genital stimulation for mutual sexual pleasure) regardless of how else you feel, then you very likely do fall on the asexual spectrum. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JustanotherTobigirl Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 This gets a little hard becouse you don't have to actually have the desire to do something sexual with them. Like, when straight people are attracted to someone, it doesn't actually mean they want to sleep with them. To the best of my ability to describe it would be this. They would sexually desire the person if all the conditions were right. Sorry, that's the best I can do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Absol Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 First of all, welcome to AVEN Maeone! Sometimes when I see someone hot and get aroused, I have some minor fantasies, like I imagine someone is touching me, but if I imagine it going much further than that, I get un-aroused (?). I think this statement is important. The fact that imagining yourself in sexual situations with someone else makes you un-aroused (for lack of a better word...) suggests that you may be on the asexual spectrum. I'm not saying you are for sure, but I think that you would be correct in saying that what you feel is not exactly sexual attraction, because it goes away when you actually imagine a sexual scenario with that person. But really, in the end it is up to you to say how you feel. Hope this made sense. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 It's a bit tough to figure out... The stickies have some links to helpful/informative threads where attraction is discussed at length, I'd recommend that. They helped me a lot. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 This gets a little hard because you don't have to actually have the desire to do something sexual with them. Like, when straight people are attracted to someone, it doesn't actually mean they want to sleep with them. To the best of my ability to describe it would be this. They would sexually desire the person if all the conditions were right. Sorry, that's the best I can do. Um, no. Sexuals don't experience sexual attraction if all conditions are right. When straight people, or any sexual person, are attracted to someone it most likely means they do want to sleep with them unless they're demisexual. It seems that alot of sexuals don't even experience romantic attraction at first and are purely interested from sexual attraction; either infrequently feeling romantic attraction (a type of Gray-romantic) or after a bond (demiromantic). They just seem to have full on sensual attraction; desiring sex and romantic sensual things but not feeling the whole fuzzy feelings thing that is romantic attraction. (as the asexual community uses the phrase sensual attraction to mean desired non-sexual physical contact, but the word sensual means any form of physical contact) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 It seems like mild sexual attraction but with no sexual desire at all, and not enough attraction to want to act on it. Maybe grey-asexual and maybe sex-repulsed too ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Charcoal face paint Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 The final deciding factor for me in calling myself asexual was reading this: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/2sm3y3/girls_women_ladies_what_does_sexual_attraction/ I didn't really know what sexual attraction was supposed to feel like until I read that. From what you said, it sounds like you might be graysexual but we can't tell you, only you can really know your sexuality and only you can work it out. Saying that, if you are questioning your sexuality then you're most likely not heterosexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Dreaming Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 The final deciding factor for me in calling myself asexual was reading this: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/2sm3y3/girls_women_ladies_what_does_sexual_attraction/ That's an interesting read. So much electricity and magnetism, I don't think I am fully aware of how overwhelming it can be. They describe what seems to be an irresistible force that focuses their being into a singular need for sex sex sex. It's probably quite exciting, by the sounds of it. Whereas what I feel is more a profound desire to know someone, to comprehend their essence. And while I may be instantly fascinated, the effect is nevertheless a gradual thing; the more I know of them, the more they light up my darkness, like the rising of the sun. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Torquil Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 The final deciding factor for me in calling myself asexual was reading this: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/2sm3y3/girls_women_ladies_what_does_sexual_attraction/ I didn't really know what sexual attraction was supposed to feel like until I read that. From what you said, it sounds like you might be graysexual but we can't tell you, only you can really know your sexuality and only you can work it out. Saying that, if you are questioning your sexuality then you're most likely not heterosexual. I recognize the first definition for sexual attraction. However, I think this is a good example of why asexuality should be defined more in terms of lack of sexual desire, and not sexual attraction. Personally, I can have all those feelings such as weak legs, fascination with the person, aura around them, etc., but still not desire to have sex with them. As Maeone describes, if I were to somehow get into a situation where sex would occur with the person, I would try to get out of it, because I don't have impulse to do actual sexual things to them (to be explicit: partnered genital stimulation for mutual sexual pleasure). I appreciate that there are some asexuals who don't even have those initial feelings of "sexual" attraction, for lack of a better term, but I think you can still be classified as asexual even if you have some of those feelings, but don't want to act on them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Otohime Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 This gets a little hard because you don't have to actually have the desire to do something sexual with them. Like, when straight people are attracted to someone, it doesn't actually mean they want to sleep with them. To the best of my ability to describe it would be this. They would sexually desire the person if all the conditions were right. Sorry, that's the best I can do. Um, no. Sexuals don't experience sexual attraction if all conditions are right. When straight people, or any sexual person, are attracted to someone it most likely means they do want to sleep with them unless they're demisexual. The OP said sexual desire, not sexual attraction. A sexual can experience sexual attraction and not sexual desire. Take a sexual who is in a relationship. Their desire is only for their SO. If they see a person they find attractive on the street, that doesn't mean they want to sleep with that person. It means they would sexually desire that person IF all the conditions were right (if they were single, if the other person was single, if they were in the right place, etc). Sexual attraction seems to resonate on an initial reaction or physical level, but sexuals can still differentiate that between emotionally and mentally wanting someone. If a person experiences the initial attraction but never wants to go further even if the conditions are right, then I could see that person still being asexual. Maybe sexual means experiencing sexual attraction AND sexual desire - not always at the same time but at some point. An asexual might experience some level of one or the other but never both. Okay... so let's say an asexual experiences sexual desire but without sexual attraction (so they never see someone and feel the attraction to the person, but they can desire sex because it physically feels good for them.) Then take a person who feels an initial attraction when they see someone but NEVER desire sex with them. Both examples the people are asexual (unless they were to labels themselves as graysexual perhaps). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kalidas Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 This gets a little hard because you don't have to actually have the desire to do something sexual with them. Like, when straight people are attracted to someone, it doesn't actually mean they want to sleep with them. To the best of my ability to describe it would be this. They would sexually desire the person if all the conditions were right. Sorry, that's the best I can do. Um, no. Sexuals don't experience sexual attraction if all conditions are right. When straight people, or any sexual person, are attracted to someone it most likely means they do want to sleep with them unless they're demisexual. The OP said sexual desire, not sexual attraction. A sexual can experience sexual attraction and not sexual desire. Take a sexual who is in a relationship. Their desire is only for their SO. If they see a person they find attractive on the street, that doesn't mean they want to sleep with that person. It means they would sexually desire that person IF all the conditions were right (if they were single, if the other person was single, if they were in the right place, etc). Sexual attraction seems to resonate on an initial reaction or physical level, but sexuals can still differentiate that between emotionally and mentally wanting someone. If a person experiences the initial attraction but never wants to go further even if the conditions are right, then I could see that person still being asexual. Maybe sexual means experiencing sexual attraction AND sexual desire - not always at the same time but at some point. An asexual might experience some level of one or the other but never both. Okay... so let's say an asexual experiences sexual desire but without sexual attraction (so they never see someone and feel the attraction to the person, but they can desire sex because it physically feels good for them.) Then take a person who feels an initial attraction when they see someone but NEVER desire sex with them. Both examples the people are asexual (unless they were to labels themselves as graysexual perhaps). I was about to say I think Im the second. I dont have sexual attraction (not even for my wife) but I have a desire to have sex with her. It DOES feel decent enough, and it makes her happy and its a pleasant moment of emotional bonding for us.Maybe thats a type of demisexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qloshae Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 The final deciding factor for me in calling myself asexual was reading this: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/2sm3y3/girls_women_ladies_what_does_sexual_attraction/ I didn't really know what sexual attraction was supposed to feel like until I read that. From what you said, it sounds like you might be graysexual but we can't tell you, only you can really know your sexuality and only you can work it out. Saying that, if you are questioning your sexuality then you're most likely not heterosexual. Awesome link, you helped me as well because I was like "wat " throughout their descriptions. XD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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