JDM Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Not sure if this post is in the right place? So I thought i'd describe myself and see what people think and what they identify with?? I've not had sex yet (i'm 24), I don't want to without emotional/romantic attachment,. I'd prefer to be with just one girl. I'm straight and attracted to girls but without the desire for sex without any bond. (like I think 'she's beautiful' but not really 'I want to have sex with her') So I do have romantic notions and ideals. I don't believe in 'soulmate' in the literal sense of souls meeting throughout the ages in different bodies. But I do fantasise about hopefully being with a girl who is similar to me. My own 'soulmate', someone who feels as if they're kind of meant and destined for you. Does anyone else hope for this or have it?? I like different types physically, it's not that important but long hair, nice lips and eyes are my 'thing'. But on a more important level, empathy, kindness, intelligence, humour, maybe someone who's has an interest in art or an artist themselves. (I mean all art, literature, film, painting etc). But someone who likes the idea of being with one person. (though it's not a deal breaker if they've been with someone before). And an animal lover! And whilst I would want sex once comfortable, it's the cuddling, sleeping together, going places together that i'm really looking forward to. I want someone to cook for, go travelling with, just a best friend as well as partner. So that's me! I was just asking whether hypothetically any of that appeals? Or whether people read and think 'that bit sounds like me'? Thanks for reading! :cake: (I dunno why I put cake there but i'm seeing it around a lot...!) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 JDM, firstly welcome to AVEN, and have our traditional I am not the expert on this but it sounds like you fall into the grey/demi spectrum. Please look through the Asexual Q&A, where such matters are far better explained. More importantly, scout through all the other forums, meet people, learn from others, most of all contribute from your own experiences, and above all have fun. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Would you be willing to have sex once a certain bond is reached or do you actually experience sexual attraction after this bond is made? I want to call the former demi-consent but that's not a practiced term, and the latter being Demisexual. I do not suggest going by either of these titles until you're sure you're it; as it can cause problems in the relationship. Sexual attraction being someones presence sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with them. Also, theory and reality are two different things; thinking you may react one way may not actually be the case IRL. Your orientation would be Heteroromantic Asexual (or Hetero-Demisexual/Demi-Heterosexual) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tarot1330 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I feel the same way about almost everything you said. What I'm trying to figure out is whether or not I'm asexual or demisexual. I haven't found anyone out there that I could see myself being in a relationship with and I don't want to say I'm aromantic because that really does make me sad. But how will I ever find out if I'm demisexual if I don't find someone to create that emotional bond with? The thought of having sex isn't something that repulses me. I guess I hope what you said is what will happen to me because honestly that sounds amazing. I want to be in love but I don't know if it's possible for me. I don't know it's just something I'm currently struggling with but yes I can relate to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Naosuu Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Moving this from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Asexual Q&A. Naosu, Asexual Musings and Rantings co-mod Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I feel the same way about almost everything you said. What I'm trying to figure out is whether or not I'm asexual or demisexual. I haven't found anyone out there that I could see myself being in a relationship with and I don't want to say I'm aromantic because that really does make me sad. But how will I ever find out if I'm demisexual if I don't find someone to create that emotional bond with? The thought of having sex isn't something that repulses me. I guess I hope what you said is what will happen to me because honestly that sounds amazing. I want to be in love but I don't know if it's possible for me. I don't know it's just something I'm currently struggling with but yes I can relate to you. There is Cupioromantic; where someone can unfortunately not feel romantic feelings but has love to give and will act romantically without the feelings; essentially an aromantic who wants to be in a romantic relationship. Aromantics can be satisfied with friends, best/close friend(s), or a queerplatonic relationship. Queerplatonic relationship (QPR): an emotionally platonic relationship that has characteristics of a romantic/sexual relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone you platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
queenindisguise Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I want to be in love but I don't know if it's possible for me. I definitely relate with that. I'm not really sure what falling in love looks like. Does it happen right away? Like love at first sight? Or do you have to date someone for a while before you fall in love? I guess it could be different for everybody. I like to think that when you meet the right person, you just know, and suddenly you'll be in love before you know it! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tarot1330 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I want to be in love but I don't know if it's possible for me. I definitely relate with that. I'm not really sure what falling in love looks like. Does it happen right away? Like love at first sight? Or do you have to date someone for a while before you fall in love? I guess it could be different for everybody. I like to think that when you meet the right person, you just know, and suddenly you'll be in love before you know it! I really hope that's how it is! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDM Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 I think it happens at different rates doesn't it? I think you just know when you're there. Though there might be a specific moment when it hits you like a hammer or it might be gradual before you come to the realisation that you're in love. I can imagine being of the quick variety. Not having fallen in love yet i'd imagine once it happens it'll be quite quick for me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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