Does arousal really override repulsion?

[Lord Jade Cross]

One of the things that I looked into for a while was that it was said that even sexuals feel a certain level of repulsion towards sex, but that when they got turned on, that the arousal would overide the sense of repulsion allowing them to enjoy, whatever it was they would do. But does that really work? Or is it just another popular belief to push the idea that absolutely everyone wants sex?

[J. van Deijck]

I can't even imagine it, tbh :x maybe the reason is that I don't find anything enjoyable or worth attention in sex, or that i'm repulsed too much, or both. Anyway, I used to have a very minimal drive and every time I felt it, i wanted to kill myself because it was too disgusting. So I wonder how do sexuals feel in such cases.

[SithLord]

You'd have to ask them. I suggest moving this to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies and asking them.

[AveSatanas]

I think there is a couple of things going on with sexuals being repulsed by sex. One is that most animals resist sex when they're not in the mood. It's kind of the way the mating drive works. There is a lot to be done to survive and reproductive activities take a back seat to food clothes and shelter and recreation a good deal of the time. But when a switch flips and a sexual is on the prowl there is no repulsion, so in answer to your question, yes arousal does over ride repulsion because they are not felt at the same time.

Repulsion that comes from shame about sex that is put on us by religious morality is different. I would not think that arousal alters that. I think it actually makes it worse and that is why people are often very conflicted about sex.

However, the repulsion that an asexual feels is another thing altogether. I wouldn't like to compare the two.

[Tarfeather]

I can confirm that this is absolutely true for me.

[Guest]

One of the things that I looked into for a while was that it was said that even sexuals feel a certain level of repulsion towards sex, but that when they got turned on, that the arousal would overide the sense of repulsion allowing them to enjoy, whatever it was they would do. But does that really work? Or is it just another popular belief to push the idea that absolutely everyone wants sex?

It can really depend. I think it works more for specific sexual acts, not for becoming sexual altogether. As an example, people watch porn that would completely repulse them if they weren't aroused... I think it's just a cognitive dissonance thing... and definitely if I'm sick or something, I'll stop feeling sick if I get sufficiently turned on... but I also think that if someone is repulsed by sex generally and has really negative feelings toward it, it seems unlikely to me that arousal could have that huge an effect as to make them enjoy sex. But I really don't know anyone who has been in that position, so I don't know.

[Guest]

There are sexuals who are repulsed by sex and want it, but feel badly for wanting it, so don't have it ultimately. So, I don't think it overrides ALL repulsion. However, I know some people find say, body fluids squicky but once they are aroused, it's OK cause they want sex enough to forget about that.

[Tarfeather]

I think there is a couple of things going on with sexuals being repulsed by sex. One is that most animals resist sex when they're not in the mood. It's kind of the way the mating drive works. There is a lot to be done to survive and reproductive activities take a back seat to food clothes and shelter and recreation a good deal of the time. But when a switch flips and a sexual is on the prowl there is no repulsion, so in answer to your question, yes arousal does over ride repulsion because they are not felt at the same time.

Repulsion that comes from shame about sex that is put on us by religious morality is different. I would not think that arousal alters that. I think it actually makes it worse and that is why people are often very conflicted about sex.

However, the repulsion that an asexual feels is another thing altogether. I wouldn't like to compare the two.

You make some very good points. I think the kind of repulsion they are talking about is specifically repulsion to genitalia of the opposite sex. I have read somewhere that most humans feel this to a lesser or greater extent in an un-aroused state.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I wasn't referring to any repulsion is specific, more like a general one or repulsion in a general sense. But I can see how different kinds of repulsions can react to arousal. I guess that if I were to give a tittle to mine, it be a mix of sorts. The primary ones would probably be:

1) Religious based: I was raised under the Christaian religion and they pretty much shamed sex on an almost absolute sense, with the only exception that it had to be done to have children. But sex for experimenting, for pleasure, etc, was absolutely prohobited and consequently shamed for.

2) Lack of sex positive enviroment: This would refer to sex as a subject around family. Family wasn't very sex positive, in fact I got the "just say no" lecture, even though I wouln't really hang out with anyone, go to parties, dates, etc. There were also some family matters that impacted sex negatively because sex was sort of seen as the cause for the discord in it when in fact, it was something a little different. So I guess I picked up that sex = automatically bad no matter what. I suppose that the lack in communication on a general basis, didnt help in fomenting a trustworthy relationship between me and the family, especially parents , which could have possibly made this sort of subject easier to talk about. Both my parents came from traditional and conservative families so I guess that also plays a roll?

3) General negative view of it: Mostly a combination of upbringing and school teachings (or lack of), sex was never potrayed as a good thing. If anything, the only time that it got sort of seriously mentioned at school, it was purely an STD image parade of why sex is wrong/bad. The puberty years were filled with negative based comments towards sex. Though it was due in part to some incidents that happened at school that sort of sky rocketed the idea that sex is bad.Even outside of school, usually, at least during the growing up years, the general view and tones towards sex was that it was bad.

So I guess that throughout all my life, the only idea that I got for sex was that it was: BAD, BAD, BAD.

[Tarfeather]

Arousal isn't going to change anything about the way you think about and judge sex. It'll just make the raw physical component of it possible. I think you misunderstood that when doing your research on it.

[Lord Jade Cross]

It is possible. I suppose that I would need to change the way I view it in order to find a different meaning to it. Though I'm not sure if I even need to do that. I'm still sort of trying to figure that part of me out.

[Tarfeather]

It is possible. I suppose that I would need to change the way I view it in order to find a different meaning to it. Though I'm not sure if I even need to do that. I'm still sort of trying to figure that part of me out.

Oh, I can see where you're coming from. I think that is something that happens best on an inter-personal level. For instance, it might help you to make friends who are sex positive. It's also important to keep in mind that you can get a neutral/accepting view on sex, and still not want to experience it yourself. Anyway, good luck figuring yourself out.

[Lord Jade Cross]

That would probably help. Though I would have to find people who are sex positive and not sex obsessed, which I fear would only reignite the responses I have gotten so far in life. That seems like a thin line to distinguish and people around me seem to be sex obsessed rather than positive and accepting of anyone who is slightly (well completely in my case so far) different than them.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Sounds like we would share the same problem. Feeling bad about it would be like a symptom and the emotional perspective, the cause. Maybe if there had been exposure to a positive based view of sex, things might be different now as it was posted in another thread of mine.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Maybe that can still happen though I imagine that it would take a lot more effort and having people around that were not judgmental, like how tarfeather mentioned above, of the idea of not having had sex by X age or part in your life. Though that seems to be a low probability as many people seem to adopt this attitude of shaming anyone who hasn't done it by a certain age, which is ironic since they all had to go through with it a first, second, third and many times around. I guess its just human arrogance how they shame those who haven't.

[Lord Jade Cross]

That would of course have to part from the premise that we would actually want it for us and not because we felt that we had to do it,that it was an obligation, etc, which would be another barrier that may be impossible to tear down. At least,right now, if someone asked me "do you want to have sex?", my hones answer would be a big NO! without having to give it even a second of thought.

People have told me to get wasted and I would be fine but I suspect it would have the same results you have mentioned. Aside from that, the fact that I don't drink, would probably add yet another layer of guilt and shame to the already complicated sex guilt that would arise out of having done it under the influence of alcohol.

[EricK]

I think this does happen. People have a general disgust for bodily fluids - especially other people's - and this is clearly over-ridden when it comes to sex. As an example, people are quite prepared to passionately kiss an attractive stranger in a nightclub, but would probably be disgusted by the thought of using cutlery the other person had had in their mouth.

[~RedArcher]

This is totally true and there have even been studies that show women can be totally indifferent to sex during the day and in public, but once they're "turned on", their inhibitions slack slightly and they are known to be okay with things they probably wouldn't dream of when not in a state of arousal.

Hence why some people feel extremely embarrassed and awkward after having weird sex that seemed fine last night. XD

[Absol]

It is definitely true to some extent.

Possibly TMI

I have talked to several allosexual girls who have said that penises are gross. My immediate question is "Then why would you want one inside of you???!!!!" They all say that it's different when they are actually doing sexual stuff.

But that doesn't mean that people who feel no sexual attraction at all would suddenly want to have sex if they feel aroused. It can override some repulsion, but not change someone's orientation.

[Lord Jade Cross]

In present time, I can't really feel sexual attraction towards anyone, well not as its defined as a "I want to have sex so badly with that person right now". I can look at people and, at times, think they are attractive but its more of a "I can look but don't want to touch" kind of attraction. If I try imagining becoming sexually involved with a person, I can only last so long (couple of seconds) before the repulsion kicks in and I get that wanting to throw up feeling.