secretattoo Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 ok heres the thing...i think i might be asexual but i keep thinking "how can i be sure if i never had sex" im 18 and im a virgin and the thought of having sex with anyone is just one big ??? for me. im not sure what people mean by ~sexual attraction but i do feel physical attraction? like ill see someone hot and ill be like woah and i can drool over boys with abs and facial hair but i dont ever think of having sex, i just find them attractive. i never want to have sex with them its more like "i wanna look at you for hours and hold your hand and cuddle" so anyway what i mean is that all of my friends are having sex and i have no interest in it whatsoever even with people that i find attractive but i keep thinking that maybe its because im a virgin? but then i dont want to stop being virgin. then i think maybe it might be because of my anxiety maybe im scared? im confused all i know is that everyone around me is having sex and i have absolutely no desire to,( i dont even masturbate because the thought doesnt appeal me) im sorry if this makes maybe someone will recognise themselves in it and will want to share their experience with me?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm 100% sure I'm asexual and I'm a virgin. Although, there are have been some asexuals who aren't a virgin and they're still 100% sure they're asexual. It's similar to like, say a homosexual person. They don't need to have sex with the opposite sex to know that they're homosexual. A heterosexual person doesn't need to have sex with the same sex to know if they're homosexual or not. Besides, sexual attraction is not the same as your behavior. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheWheatOne Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Probably the same way someone doesn't need have to have sex with their dog to know they're not into bestiality, despite otherwise sleeping with it, hugging it, and giving so much of their life and finances to keep the dog healthy and happy. Same way we know we're not gay, or engage in unusual fetishes. Its just outwardly unlikeable, or at least, not even considered as a course towards pleasure. It doesn't even need to be sexual pleasure. Say we like to lick that ice cream. But how do we know we won't like licking cement? We've never tried it right? Its simply because we don't think about it as something to do, or when we do we find it disgusting or odd. Not natural. Not what its made for. Do we need to eat everything to know our limits in taste? How about rock-climbing? Or sky-diving? How do we know we're not missing something core to ourselves without ever engaging in it? Its relatively simple. As tool-orientated species we have a huge range of what we can do, from being a combat medic to a computer programmer. In order to filter everything, as sapient, not just sentient species, we have the ability to visualize (not literally) in our mind what we want, what we can do, and plan how to get there. Words and images. Beliefs and motivation. We have this all in our brain and nerves. We don't need external situations personally met upon us to know what we do or do not want. For example, I don't need to know that falling off a cliff for no reason will likely meet an end that I want. We visualize the situation in our mind first. And back to asexuality, we can also visualize sex with someone. Is it appealing? Will it lead to things that we want? Results that we want? The answer is personal. For most sexual people, the answers are relatively standardized to value our animal instincts to reproduce, to want that pleasure that we innately know we want to lead our lives. To those who don't feel that pleasure, its easy to see how far less in value sex is. So we know we don't have a libido for it. Its pretty innate, to the point we can notice our absence in the same way the blind or deaf can understand they are missing something that others normally have. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Absol Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 100% agree with SkyWorld! Also, the "physical attraction" you are talking about is more commonly known as aesthetic attraction, which is appreciating the way a person looks. This is not necessarily linked to sexual attraction or orientation: any person of any gender and orientation can feel aesthetic attraction to someone without wanting to have sex with them. The same way someone can think a Siberian Husky is a beautiful dog and want to pet and cuddle it for hours, without wanting to have sex with the dog. So it is totally normal to feel aesthetic attraction without sexual attraction! ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amoeba-Proteus Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Asking myself "how do I know I'm asexual if I'm a virgin" feels like the same thing as a heterosexual asking themselves "how do I know I'm heterosexual if I haven't tried with someone of the same sex" in my opinion... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 You don't need to do something to know that you don't want to do it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lost247365 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Only we can truly know our own likes and dislikes. We spend our entire lifetime living in our bodies and by the time we reach adulthood we have a good idea of what we like, and what we don't. Further, we also have the ability to project ourselves into various hypothetical situations to allow us to get a fairly decent idea of what our reactions can be to differing circumstance. It is not that much different from a sexual knowing that they are interested in having sex while they themselves are virgins. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 As a person who generally knows which things she wants to do, I can say that I do not want sex. No need, no craving, no excitement, no feeling whatever towards it (or towards another peron in a sexual way). I wanted to go to China really badly in the past. My close family told me this is not something I should want, this is the worst idea ever, I will regret it. But I wanted it so bad, that I went anyway. For a whole year. There were ups and downs, like there are with any decision, but I regret nothing. Because this was something I really wanted to do, I enjoyed my stay a lot in spite of the several bad experiences that came with it. In fact I want to go again. It doesn't make sense, I just want it. Before I went diving, I had very big doubts about it (which were only based on emotions). My friends told me this is the best things ever, since I had the chance I should definitely try it, I would definitely love it, they themselves would regret it if they let the chance slip by to go diving. So I ignored my negative feelings and went anyway. To be really honest, I didn't enjoy it. I wished I didn't go. Even though nothing bad happened, the only thing I remember are my anxious feelings, nothing else. I don't ever want to go diving again. Do I want to have sex in the way that I wanted to go to China? No. So I won't. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ashmedai Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Basically, you don't have to have sex with someone to know who you are or aren't attracted to. Asexuality is about the lack of sexual attraction to any gender, not whether or not you like sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I wouldn't be a virgin if I wasn't asexual. simple. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Selasphorus Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Orientation is not action. Action isn't necessarily useful for figuring out your orientation. Part of how I figured out I was ace was realizing that I never, ever under any circumstance, look at a person and go "I would like to horizontal tango with that one". It never crosses my mind. That's just how I function. I hope you don't feel pressured by the people around you to try sex. Don't let them tell you what you want! They don't know. If you want to try at some point, that's cool (just make sure your motivations are in the right place and be smart about it!) and if you never do, that's cool too. To thine own self be true, and be awesome. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 There are people who know they are sexual before they lose their virginity. It works about the same way, in my mind. Welcome to AVEN. *offers traditional greeting of * Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Elluna Hellen Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 people generally know they're attracted to boys/girls/both/all genders/*enter sexuality here* before they have sex, so why can't you know you're ace without having tried it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Aesthetic attraction- a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannerisms; having a pull to look at them. It is different from recognizing good looks/ what is "aesthetically pleasing" with no fixation. This does not automatically mean a romantic or platonic relationship is desired but attractions can be felt with other attractions. Physical attraction is an inaccurate word and can be intended and interpreted as three different attractions; aesthetic, sensual, and sexual. What they mean by sexual attraction is that someone's presence sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person. You don't need to experiment to find out what you desire to do to someone else with something so impulse/desire driven as this. Virgins who are nervous still know what they want; they're just nervous about preforming right, their parts looking appealing (as size and shape down there can vary for both sexes), it hurting for women, etc. An asexual who does not masturbate can go by the additional title of non-libidoist. If you want to be proud. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I can say I have never understood why are people around so much excited about sex and anything sexual. Like, what's actually that exciting in it? Why does everyone around want to do it? For me it's like a black magic, but I've never cared about that and so I never bothered. There are so many things to do that are much more interesting. If you feel similar, there might be an answer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Same way I know I don't want to hug a cactus. Just not really something I desire doing and I certainly don't have to do it to be certain. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The 50-Year-Old Virgin Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Why do you need to confirm a label? If you don't want to have sex, then don't have sex. Maybe someday you'll change your mind; maybe you won't. Just be comfortable with yourself where you are , how you are right now. And if you don't like the label "virgin", then just call yourself a not-yetero-sexual. :D :D :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 And if you don't like the label "virgin", then just call yourself a not-yetero-sexual. :D :D :D LMAO that's great :D <3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Laika. Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm kind of in the same boat as you, 18 and virgin. But I think you can kind of sense it, you know? In the way a homosexual knows they're sexually attracted to those of their own gender, or in the way a bisexual knows that they're sexually attracted to both genders, without needing to have sex to find out. I mean, if you read the description of asexual and think "wow that's me", and if you can feel within yourself that you're not drawn to have sex with others, then I feel like you don't need sex as a confirmation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Elluna Hellen Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 And if you don't like the label "virgin", then just call yourself a not-yetero-sexual. :D :D :D OMG, lol xD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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