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Very new to it all


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Hi everyone, good to be here. I'm new here, as well as realizing my sexuality.

It's taken a long time to realize who I was, but I always knew I was different.

I learned about Asexuaity from a friend of mine who also is, and everything began to make sense but when I looked it up I disagreed with a few things that didn't fit with me, then I also learned about factions within Asexuality.

I'm still not 100% sure who I am but I know that I do fit somewhere in there.

Took a test on one of the threads and it said I was self-sexual which is only half right, I suppose...you see it is rare for me to feel attraction to someone but when I do it's not really sexual, it's more romantic and fluffy. But when I do self-satisfy, sometimes I do think about the person in question I feel romantic towards/if there's someone I have feelings for

When I do meet someone I end up liking it's sort of like a love at first sight reaction, and boy do I get strong romantic feelings. If nothing is done about it, I do get over them though.

But I just feel that I won't really meet someone who is perfect for me because most people do want a sexual relationship, I have had sex, it wasn't very enjoyable, only enjoyment was making them happy (in the end they were not very nice anyway)

Even when I've done foreplay, I've felt sort of dirty afterward? Even when I've flirted with guys there's that thing inside that feels...this just isn't right, ergh!

I GUESS I could have sex with someone if I love them and know they love me, but there's that fear that makes me think they won't wait long for me, because I have to know they are about me, which takes time.

Before I realized my sexuality, I wondered if maybe it was because there was a terrible incident that happened when I was 12 when a guy tried to rape me. He didn't get very far thankfully but it was scary. Thing is I got over that pretty quickly. But I always used that as an excuse, and maybe for a time it was a legit one but now I'm 29, I don't feel that what happened has effected my life much, so I had to think hard about what all this could mean, my lack of sexual drive?

I feel ashamed sometimes because when I do like someone and they are very sexual...I've done things that have made me feel uncomfortable in the end, to make them happy. And I think why did I do that?! Was I trying to hide the fact I was different? Trying to be "normal"?

So it's sometimes still pretty emotional for me, that's why I joined this site, to connect with people who are the same.

Wonderful to be here =)

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Moving this thread from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Asexual Q&A.

Naosuu, Asexual Musings and Rantings co-mod

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Self-sexual just means you masturbate (the word sounds kinda like an insult to me), and Asexuals masturbate. If you want to be proud of it you can go by Libidoist Asexual lol. Romantic attraction being rare is a type of Gray-romantic. In your sexual fantasies, if you're sexually attracted to someone but dont care to actually act in real life then that's a type of Lithsexual aka Aposexual. Sexual attraction being this person's presence sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to them.

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