Has being asexual affected your life goals?

[Jamie_]

Hi,

I know this is a slightly weird question, but it seems like for most people, having a relationship and a family is the ultimate goal/ideal of life (just look at the end of most films/books etc...).

I was wondering what people focused on if they know that's not for them.

I mean there's obviously the people who get obsessed with money/work, but apart from that.

[SkyWorld]

Well, I can't speak for everyone, but myself as an individual, being asexual hasn't affected my life goals at all. In fact, it made me more comfortable with the choices that I want to make and how I want to live my life and that it's completely okay even if it may not be the norm (such as getting married or having children). Apart from a career and money, my goal is to get as much experience with the world as possible. So I would like to travel a lot and try new things while I can. It seems like a lot of fun and an incredible journey ahead. ^_^

Although, being asexual doesn't stop people from having a family or getting married. I know of plenty of asexual people who are married and may have children. Some of them are actually pretty happy from what I can tell.

[Ricki]

That's actually a interesting question... At first I sort of dismissed it but then I realised it actually kinda had, though not sexual-wise or anything. I think that by finding this forum then the people on here have helped me change my life in a much more positive way :) The bulk of my personality is the same but I approach things slightly differently than I did before :P

[Larkaloke]

I don't think so. Not exactly, anyhow; not any more than any other aspect of who I am has.

My only real goal in life is to enjoy it as much as possible. Since I need to be able to make a living, I want to be able to do that doing something that I like doing. I'd like to see the world, learn about as many different things as I can, and then have time to goof off and play computer games. If I can have a positive impact on the world or the people around me, that's great, but I'll admit it's only a secondary sort of goal for me. Obviously, my interests and personality in general have a great effect on exactly what it is that I like doing and what I consider to be enjoying life.

[~RedArcher]

Nope! ^^

My asexuality hasn't affected my life in any way other than how I felt about myself.

I'm very ambitious and I love to learn new things, so I have so many goals to aim for in the future!

Im learning:

~ Two new languages (Spanish and Swedish, hopefully more in future!)

~ Horse riding with the hopes to climb the career ladder in the Equine industry.

~ Graphics and Design, leaning towards Cartoonism and Comics.

~ Fictional Writing and hoping to publish in the future.

~ 2D Animation.

~ Traditional Crafting.

~ Dressmaking in the near future.

~ Reacquainting myself with the Saxophone (I played for four years in school when life got in the way)

Sorry if that seems a little boastful.

Really, I don't have TIME for dating XD My worries stemmed from believing that I'd HAVE to settle down one day, so the fears of having to deal with all of that is what caused my problems. But then I realised that Asexuality was a thing and it freed me. Now I can concentrate on my life's goals without worrying about having to look to settle down, despite what I felt.

That's all that changed for me. My life is still the same as it was before, only now, I'm not afraid.

[butterflydreams]

If anything, it freed me up. Instead of half-assing my way through life, trying to fake being interested in relationships and all that stuff and feeling horrible that it wasn't working out, I can just do my own thing now with my whole ass. Not saying I don't get lonely and wish I did have a companion, but there's certainly a huge amount of pressure that's been let off. Less pressure is something almost anyone can get behind :)

[Visenya]

My asexuality made me face the fact that the chances of me being in a relationship are pretty much zero, but other than that, no. A romantic relationship was something I wanted, but it wasn't a life goal. I have lots of other things I want to do (live alone, have a black cat called Rasputin, move to Europe, see snow, travel, learn German and maybe Russian, learn to draw, have a small garden, etc).

Lack of time, money, energy and discipline affect my life goals much more than my asexuality. :p

[Tanzanite]

Nope, the only thinking stopping me is my brain fog.

[Boo Cat]

My asexuality definitely made me change my plans for the future. I used to expect marriage and babies because that's what other people did, but now I know it's not right for me. With that out of my way I am free to do what I'll really be satisfied by. Since I've accepted that dating and marriage is not likely to be part of my life, I've completely changed my view on the future. I used to dread growing up... now I can hardly wait for it! I'm determined to spend my life in a little off-grid home in the country, writing books and songs and recording my music and making things and learning all kinds of new ways to vent my creativity. I want to keep progressing and gaining new skills. That's what life's about, doing what makes you happy, right? There are so many options for me. It's gonna be sweet, guys!

A-hem. I think I'm a little too excited now. Sorry.

[LeaveOnYourColours]

Not really...? I'm on the aro spectrum, but I still want a close relationship with someone. A really great qpp or romantic partner or something. I've never ever wanted kids but that's not something special to asexual people.

I want a job where I help people and improve the world in small ways. Even if it's just buy improving the quality of life for a few people. Working for an environmental nonprofit would be awesome but I'm leaning more towards nutrition and dietetics. I love learning! Always have.

I don't actually comprehend sexual attraction and barely even sexual desire. Is it bad to say that maybe not focusing on that helps me gear towards my life goals better? I would never know that for certain but it's a feeling. Unless it's ignorant then I will dash it.

[TrAse]

I've been asexual all my life, so it's pretty hard to say. Asexuality did shape how I look at life though. Most importantly, I've never thought relationships were possible for me, which meant not caring about social connections aside from people I was lucky enough to befriend with minimum effort (well, I'm an introvert). I knew I would have to get a home on my own and cook and clean and all those things, because no one would be there to help. I don't think of getting a pet because it would spend too much time by itself. I didn't care when I put on weight or didn't shower or... anything really, because there is no reason to care about my attractiveness. Life is pretty simple for me, except for the part where I know that I'll have to support both my parents in their old age as I am an only child with no other relatives. For this, I'll need a better job. It's hardly a "life goal", just something I will need for practical reasons.

Would I have had life goals if I weren't asexual? I think so. Attracting a partner is powerful motivation for improvement, for being more interested and interesting. (Yes, I know some asexual people have relationships and get married. When they describe their experiences, that is just not me.)

[Prairie]

The question sounds odd, as if asexuality is a physical substance rather than a mental way of categorizing people. Being categorized by others as asexual doesn't affect my life goals except in the minor ways they might respond to me differently than if they didn't categorize me that way. As I experience it, I was born myself, and that is a unitary thing which has unfolded as all aspects of my life, within the flexibility offered by the situations I've lived in. I never imagined that I was going to be or supposed to be a particular way, nor had any plans or goals for the future, never had any realization of being asexual, so there was never anything in the future to "change", just the future to create as I move forward. If I had a desire for sex in my life, it would be different and probably include romantic relations with people, and all sorts of relationship trouble due to being broken from growing up in a broken home.

[Absol]

Honestly, yes it has... quite a lot. I always used to expect that I would have kids, but in a very vague way, like if I was mad at something my parents did I would vow in my head to never do that to my kids. I still catch myself doing that, but then I think, "no, you don't have to have kids", and it's actually kind of exciting. I sort of dreaded the idea of kids to be honest.

But on the other hand, I worry more about ending up alone. I think that ideally, I'd like a monogamous QPR, but I only really realized that after figuring out I'm asexual. It'll definitely be harder than being allosexual and finding a husband, but oh well, that's life. But discovering my asexuality has definitely made me less scared of the unknown future. (but that's not saying much, I used to be absolutely terrified. :P )

[Otohime]

This question is strange because how would I know if I would have different goals if I was sexual? I don't THINK I would, but maybe. If I was sexual, it's possible that romantic relationships, including marriage, would be more important to me, but I can't say that for sure. Society is what says marriage should be a life goal, not being sexual.

My life goals include adopting kids, so "having kids" I guess is still a "normal" goal that I have. But it's not the most important thing I want to do. I want to learn and experience.. I'm a writer and illustrator, and I want to be inspired for the rest of my life.

[Poots]

My dream of being a prostitute.....ruined :'( ;)

[Autumn Season]

It made me realize what I want and need more quickly than if I had kept thinking I was sexual. So yeah, there was a change for the better. Even just being on AVEN is influencing my life in a positive way.

[Asexy Void]

Not really. It made casual sex -and casual dating to some extent- a big no-no for me, but those things were already big no-nos to me before I discovered my lackofsexuality. XD

[petquack77]

Last time I checked ? Getting my degree, my recent job promotion and my new house didn't require any sex whatsoever : ;)

[Peachyy]

I feel it. The stuff I want to do.

And you know, before you realize you're ace or aro, and you don't imagine your life with another person/children/etc. you assume your life goals are underdeveloped and missing but they... aren't. My idea and sense of direction has always been hard because I never once was able to reach a comfortable scenario involving marriage, or physical commitment/closeness (sexual ish-ness).By nature I don't feel comfortable making long term goals.... because what if i change my mind? Checking off boxes is fun an all, but goals are tiresome in general to live up to if you're as flaky as I am.

But in general, I don't feel as bad as I used to. Considering that romance and sex (as far as procreation, because being a bed rocker isn't what they teach in school) is always used as example for motivating someone towards the golden standard, I'm not surprised that I would feel good about myself now that I've realized my own goals don't need to match up.

Pretty much... my goals have included: a job, many plants, rats, and a bed just for me: I'm at the top of my game so far and so happy I'm not trying to find a soul mate to complete me.

[cheeringselenator]

All I've ever been sure of that I wanted for my future or "when I grow up" type of thing, is I wanted to be a mom. I still want kids one day. The only difference is, when I was younger I always pictured a husband but it was just because I wanted kids. Not anything romantic, just soley to be my kids dad. A guy was always part of my plan because I thought that was the only way I could become a parent. As I got to like high school I kept thinking one day I will meet a guy that I will be attracted to for the first time and he will be "the one". Once I learned about asexuality, I realized I wasn't the only one like this and it might not just be a "phase". I thought I was just a late bloomer. But now I am comfertable with my sexuality. So they only thing that has changed is I want to raise my future kids one my own. I realized I don't need a husband just to have kids.

[GoosePeelings]

I don't really have life goals. Maybe getting married, having a kid or two. It does affect those.

[WreckerChick]

So they only thing that has changed is I want to raise my future kids one my own. I realized I don't need a husband just to have kids.

You don't even need to have sex!!

[HeartfulPeach]

Well, I can't speak for everyone, but myself as an individual, being asexual hasn't affected my life goals at all. In fact, it made me more comfortable with the choices that I want to make and how I want to live my life and that it's completely okay even if it may not be the norm (such as getting married or having children). Apart from a career and money, my goal is to get as much experience with the world as possible. So I would like to travel a lot and try new things while I can. It seems like a lot of fun and an incredible journey ahead. ^_^

Although, being asexual doesn't stop people from having a family or getting married. I know of plenty of asexual people who are married and may have children. Some of them are actually pretty happy from what I can tell.

This^

I'm open to new experiences and I live to do the things I like to do :)

[SeriousCyclist]

Asexuality has always been synonymous with my life goals. For example, when I was 8 years old I knew I never wanted to be married, and I never wanted to have kids. I didn't know anything about asexuality then, but my feelings and perspective were obvioulsy asexual (aromantic)...and not antisocial, I'm one of a handful of asexuals who are extroverts.

[Charlie777]

Asexuality has had a very major affect on my life goals. My top priority was to have a "celibate marriage." So I spent a huge amount of my time, money, and energy trying to find a woman who wanted a relationship without any sex. I found a number of very unstable women who have had a lot of problems with men. I finally ended up spending 8 years with a woman who hates all men and is now filing frivolous lawsuits against me and telling everybody how I have horns and a tail! I should have listened to the warning from one of her ex-boyfriends but I was determined to have a relationship with a woman who didn't want anything to do with sex.

[KuraiTsuki]

Being asexual hasn't had any effect on my life goals at all. My goals never focused around getting married and having kids. They are more about getting a good job and finding a nice place to live. So when I realized I'm asexual it didn't really change anything. My typical responses to questions about the future were and still are:

What do you want to do in the future? "Become a vet."

Marriage? "I don't know, maybe."

Kids? "Heck no!"

[Guest]

I have two main goals: have time for myself during my working years, and retire comfortably

I paint and play flute, and I like being near nature. I'd also like to build a house someday

[Jamie_]

Hi,

Thanks for all the replies, I was curious because I guess I've grown up with the idea that I would "meet the right person" one day and all that stuff (especially since I'm female, it's the idea everyone tries to sell you).

I guess there's also the option of altruism for those who don't have dependants, since saving would be less important and you'd have more time, so you could work for a charity or work part-time and volunteer. Or form a political party and fix the mess the country's in :D

[verily-forsooth-egads]

Even though I did intend to have kids before asexuality made me reevaluate that choice, I still wouldn't say it's affected my life goals, because the idea of having kids was never really a goal so much as an expectation. But ignoring that, yes.