Sensual vs Sexual?

[Hellcat67]

Hey!

I am still getting to grips with the various terms and their definitions, so please bear with me!

I was wondering, hypothetically, if you saw someone and wanted to kiss them, would that be sensual or sexual attraction?

And where is the line between sensual acts & sexual?

Finally (sorry there are so many Qs!) I've heard that many aces/aros dislike sex, but are there any who enjoy it? Is it different from non-aces?

This is really jumbled, sorry!

[wipqueen]

Hey,

when people ask me about my asexuality and my feelings about sex, I usually tell them that while I'm pretty okay with doing sexual things to cause them pleasure and I enjoy sensual things like kissing, massages and caresses, it does nothing for me that could be considered sexual pleasure. I don't find people sexually attractive, not even my crushes usually. I can see that they're hot as the blazing sun, but I usually only want to pet them and kiss them and cuddle with them.

I see wanting to kiss someone as sensual attraction, because kissing doesn't necessary lead to sex, but there might be others who consider it sexual. My advice is don't over-think it. Wanting to kiss someone won't make you any less of an asexual, heck, wanting to have sex with someone because you're turned on, curious or whatever won't make you any less of an asexual either. Wanting to have sex with someone because you want to climb them like a tree you're so attracted to them on the other hand might be considered sexual attraction and would make you sexual.

I don't know if this helped you at all, but I hope it did at least a bit.

[Copper]

I think kissing could be classified as either. Like, heavy making out would probably be more sexual. But lighter kisses could be sensual? I think the line between sensual and sexual is mostly up to the interpretation of each person and can often overlap. What's sensual to one person will be different to someone else.

Some ace's do like sex. Depending on who you talk to on this site this isn't true asexuality though. AVEN's official stance seems to be that if you don't feel sexual attraction to specific people you are asexual. This is regardless of whether you enjoy the act of sex itself or your libido.

[Autumn Season]

It probably depends on your feelings. The same actions might make somebody feel sexual and/ or sensual (towards somebody).

This is just a theory, but I think that sexual feelings are more aggressive, exciting (and embarrassing) than sensual ones. For aces who enjoy sex and get turned on by touching, it might be more difficult to distinguish between their sexual and sensual desires.

There is a sentence I once read... forgot who said it, but it made quite an impression on me: Kissing is the desire to devour each other. I believe that people who experience kissing in this fashion are feeling sexual attraction towards the person they want to "devour".

[Guest]

''Sexual'' is anything involving sex. Partnered sex is partnered genital stimulation for sexual pleasure, or acts that one is doing with intention of leading to partnered sex.

Anything that involves pleasure in the genitals = sexual pleasure = sex. If it involves two people, it's partnered sex.

If someone is kissing you with the hopes of having sex with you and making you want sex with them, then that's sexual.

But many people kiss all the time just for the sake of kissing. It's a sensual act if there is no intention of moving on to sexual pleasure (ie getting into each others pants). Any intimate act is sensual if there is no intention of ''getting into each other pants'' .. If the intention to move onto partnered sex (oral pleasure, penetrative pleasure, any stimulation of the genitals for sexual pleasure) is present, then that's a sexual act.

[Mercurial Daydream]

There is a sentence I once read... forgot who said it, but it made quite an impression on me: Kissing is the desire to devour each other. I believe that people who experience kissing in this fashion are feeling sexual attraction towards the person they want to "devour".

But many people kiss all the time just for the sake of kissing. It's a sensual act if there is no intention of moving on to sexual pleasure (ie getting into each others pants). Any intimate act is sensual if there is no intention of ''getting into each other pants'' .. If the intention to move onto partnered sex (oral pleasure, penetrative pleasure, any stimulation of the genitals for sexual pleasure) is present, then that's a sexual act.

So, if I occasionally feel that devouring kind of desire in the form of wanting to kiss someone intensely, to feel them close to me, but do not experience a consequent desire for orgasm nor do I understand why others do, where does that fall?

For me it feel like things are getting intense in a nice sensual way, then they want that, and it's very disappointing. They want it to "go somewhere" as though this isn't good enough. All I can think is they're done and want these nice warm feelings to go away, so they want to get off, but I guess they get something else out of it?

[Star Bit]

First off, there are three forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic, and sexual. Technically the word sensual means any form of physical contact, but as we separate sex from romance, we also don't include it in how we use the phrase sensual attraction. The phrase sensual attraction by itself typically refers to platonic or romantic sensual attraction and refers to the desire for non-sexual physical contact. Romantic and platonic sensual attraction only differ by chaste kissing. Sexual sensual attraction involves non-genital physical contact that is done to arouse someone. So sex has two parts; the act of sexual intercourse and the act of sexual sensual things.

Sexual attraction is when someones presence sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to them. (indifference is not desire) Curious. What if someone only has an urge to do sexual sensual things. Would it still be sexual attraction?

Kissing is not sexual. Just because some sensual things can be sexually arousing, lead to sex, or happen during sex, does not make them sexual in general. What is sexual strictly involves genital arousal in any (direct or indirect) way. The only things sexual are sex and sensual contact done strictly for arousal. At that moment those sensual things are sexual; or to that person, but not as a whole. (e.g. kissing; it can be arousing to some people but the act itself is not sexual-- another example being a foot fetish; it can do all the aforementioned things but feet in general are not sexual) At the very least you could say your body thinks that sensual thing is sexual if it responds with arousal but you don't care for it responding that way, but that action should not be called sexual unless you want something sensual done because it is arousing. It's also understandable that they would make this assumption because they feel their attractions all at once. Some view romance in general as foreplay to sex, and thus view romance as sexual.

I hear a lot of sexuals think kissing is sexual. Probably because kissing can be arousing and i think it's more commonly so with sexuals. Someone even called it foreplay, which to him would then make it sexual. But they also purposefully do this to arouse their partner and to entice them in having sex, so to them it is validly sexual. But i don't think just because having a foot fetish is common makes it ok to label feet sexual as a whole. Sorry, kinda repeating the previous paragraph.

Asexuals can enjoy sex for different reasons. Moral reasons, a way to masturbate/strictly for pleasure, etc.

[Mercurial Daydream]

I'm interested in your model of seeing sensual attraction as having three distinct motivations and corresponding responses. But I don't see how you distinguish this case:

Curious. What if someone only has an urge to do sexual sensual things. Would it still be sexual attraction? Hmm, maybe not; having no romantic sensual attraction doesn't make someones romantic attraction invalid. Though that example works better if the original question's circumstances were switched, but you get the point.

To the exclusion of other sexual things? What would that mean? How can it be the sexual subtype of sensual attraction if it's devoid of any desire beyond the sensual aspect whatsoever?

[Star Bit]

What i meant was that the word sexual means sex-like (technically it's "relating to", but let's be simplistic), so technically having sexual sensual attraction is sex-like, and thus in a way sexual attraction. However, if you look at it as their probable intent of the word as strictly sex, and the -ual/like part being inaccurate or misleading, then no, and having sexual sensual attraction would not be a type of sexual attraction but typically associated with it.

[theCupsSong]

Sexual is having any type of sex

[Laika.]

I don't think kissing is sexual. I think it can lead to sexual actions, but I would not classify it as being sexual in and of itself. If you look at someone and have an urge to kiss them, but you do not have any desire to have sex with them, then to me it's more romantic attraction, not sexual.

I'm uncertain of the line between sensual and sexual. I think if something is sensual, it means that it's arousing you physically or sexually. Something that's sensual can be sexual, but it doesn't have to be, I think. I suppose it all depends on whether you are connecting it to sex. Some people see kissing as a doorway to having intercourse with the particular individual. That's sexual. Now me personally, I view kissing as a symbol of romantic attraction, and when I am kissing someone, I'm not trying to get it to lead to sex. The desire can be categorized as sensual, I guess, but it's not sexual.

[Mandarina]

Instead about opening a new topic, I'll use this. It's not directly linked while the other but I do believe that some things for someone can be sensual and for others sexual, but in my own personal experiences all this is very hard to differenciate.

Since I was a child (3,4 fiver years old) i was a very tactile person (i don't know if that is related also to the fact that i was born blind on one of my eyes) and always explored the sensations through my body, and I discovered that area, you know, down there, that is more sensitive than the others and if you rub it you get more "nice feelings" than if you rub other parts of the body. Of course, I had no idea what was that, i had now way to discover it, my body was developed enough to give it any other connotations. I've talked with my doctor about this and has told me that ADHD would usually explore a lot that (and the hipersexuality/hiposexuality related to the disorder) so somehow he has told me that was "normal" to happen. Anyway, I had the first mistake of being open about it as child, but after having bad looks and all that I just, learnt to shut up and keep it from myselft. And I've been keeping doing it for my whole life, I explored sensations, i made my own stories to be entertained with while i did that (those have ended up being sexual fantasies nowadays). In fact when i felt something orgasm like, i called it "the sensation", it was a very nice feeling, stronger than the others that i didn't always find it, but when i found it it felt really good but made me to stop afterwards.

So yes, that can be sexual,but i fin really gross to say what a children does is sexual, it can't be sexual because they haven't pass puberty yet. And there we go in my little story, I reached puberty and I just, continued doing the same with the exception that now my body had the bad tendency to wet everything, and if it wasn't for the school lessons on sexuality, sexology and all that, I wouldn't have any clue that what I did it was called masturbation. In fact, I knew about masturbation but I thought it was other complete different thing of what i did. But for the good part, realizing of it, enabled me to explore different different and try new "nice feelings". And when I do it for my own, nowadays, I do it for the same exact reason I did it as child, nothing has changed actually (well, that maybe now i watch some porn or read some erotica, but my inner reasons to do it, are the same), so I simply don't know where to put it.

Speaking about sex, yes I have sex, yes I do enjoy the "nice feelings of sex", yes I can se sex as an intimate act for a couple like some sort of connecting ritual or fun or sort of. But sex in real life, there's a point, that is boring, I disconnect completely from my reality, my partner has told me that more than once he had seen me like "out" and "not there", and because there's a point that I'm not really there, and if I want to take pleausre of the act itself I really need to only focus on me and what I'm feeling because if not, it doesn't work out.But yes, I end up boring, thinking about other things, or fantasizing which makes me feel pretty bad. I know that this isn't strictly related to the topic, but

[OrcArrow]

I think that people can perform the exact same actions and have completely different feelings about it, meaning that kissing can be either sensual or sexual, or even both. It really depends on what the persons intentions are by committing the actions are, whether they be sexual or just because they like the feeling. The line between sensual and sexual is different for everybody. Some people probably don't even have a line to discern the two. To answer your question Hellcat, wanting to kiss someone just for the sake of kissing is largely considered sensual attraction, but wanting to kiss someone with sexual intentions in mind would be considered sexual attraction.

[LadyNobody]

I think the difference between sensual and sexual is more in intention than in specific action.

If I saw someone and wanted to kiss them, then it would be sensual for me. I wouldn't want to have sex with them. Any kissing, cuddling or miscellaneous touching I wanted to do would simply be for the purpose of touching - just enjoying the feeling of having that person that close to me. Whereas, in the case of someone who's sexually attracted to someone else, kissing might serve a different purpose: a communication of sexual intention, a foray into sexual territory (in which the person hopes things will go farther), or for the purpose of producing arousal due to sexual feelings stirred by the kiss. To me, the line between the two is entirely mental; but things INTENDED to produce or alleviate arousal are what I would consider sexual, and anything that has no goal but the enjoyment of the touch itself would be (in my mind) sensual.

As for your last question, as a complete virgin I don't have much to say on how partnered sex is for me. However, I do have a libido, and... take care of it myself... fairly frequently. It feels pretty great. I think that if I did attempt partnered sex I would have too many mental hangups to properly pay attention and enjoy it at this point; however, in the off chance I did end up in a situation where I decided I wanted to try it (it's possible), I would probably enjoy it quite a bit on a pure physical level. I think allosexuals (non-aces) get more out of it with people they're attracted to, since there's more of an emotional reaction to the act and/or an actual desire being satisfied. Additionally, they likely find it easier to get/keep arousal with the person in question; in my case, I don't have a... physical reaction... to the presence of other people, so it would take more time and physical and mental effort to get me to a similar state.