Why do you identify as Gray-A?

[banananana]

I've noticed the definition of Gray-A isn't very specific, so I thought practical samples may help me understand Gray-Asexuality better. Thus I'm interested in knowing your experiences: why do you identify as Gray-A?

[Guest]

I always identified as sensual asexual (meaning I love sensuality, but have no interest in actually having sex) ..However I have noticed that some of my sensual needs are just too sensual for many fully-asexual people, but certainly not sexual enough for any sexual people. So I definitely fall in the grey area between asexuality and sexuality, hence: Grey-A

Also, for the first time in my entire life, I felt real sexual attraction for someone a few months ago. I didn't act on it or anything (by telling the person about it, which I could have) but it lasted for about a month and was very strong (by sexual attraction I mean, the desire to have partnered sex, to share sexual pleasure etc etc) Believe me I was completely blown away, and very confused, by this, but like I said it's gone now, and I never acted on it. One of the things that can make someone Grey-A instead of fully ''Asexual'' (asexual = no desire to connect with others sexually, ever) is feeling sexual attraction extremely, extremely rarely, and as that's the only time in almost 27 years I have felt it, I think that counts as pretty rare. So even without the stuff I mentioned initially in this post, I now believe I am Grey-A regardless . I also do not believe that comes down to fluid sexuality or anything.. I believe the capability to feel sexual attraction was always there, it had just never reared it's head. If that makes any sense.

Anyway, one of the really, really good things to come out of this, is that I now know exactly what sexual attraction feels like :P .. so now when I discuss it here, I can speak from a point of personal experience, instead of just basing my opinions around the experiences of others (I have known many sexual people very closely, and always loved talking about sexuality etc, so I already had a pretty good idea of what makes sexual people sexual in the first place, it's just that now I know first hand what it feels like)

Hope that helped at all? :)

(edit: not that it really matters, I think the label I already have in my A/Sexuality section, Asexy Pervert, sums me up perfectly :P)

[DandelionFairy]

I identify as grey-a as very very occasionally I have felt sexual attraction, but it's very rare.

[C-Lo]

perhaps the "definition" of gray-ace is not specific because the orientation itself is categorically not easy to define. Think of gray as the color between black and white. So it is between definitions of sexual and asexual. Halfway? Quarter of the way? Who's to say, because I don't believe it's quantifiable. "Demi" means half but in regards to asexuality it means "Only after an emotional bond..."

I'm sure we can go into this all day.

For an example in my own life, I have only definitively felt sexual attraction to one person... 15 years ago. My high school girlfriend. And yes, that was only after she had pursued me for the entire school year, and after I decided to date her, and after I fell in love with her. On a practical level... where as before we dated I didn't even think of having sex with her or fantasize about her in a sexual or sensual way... After I developed sexual attraction to her, I would fantasize about her sexually, and when we were together I did feel compelled to experience physical/sexual intimacy with her. However, it always felt a little awkward for me when we were intimate, especially for the first few months: I gained more emotional and mental satisfaction from pleasuring her than I gained physical satisfaction from she pleasuring me. Moreover, I could never bring myself to feel entirely comfortable having sexual intercourse with her. And so we never went that far. Was basically a lot "foreplay."

[KendraPM]

I identfy as gray-A because, whereas I don't feel sexual attraction, I enjoy being in a sexual relationship (although I'm coming to realize I don't really enjoy full on heterosex, just foreplay). So, on one hand I'm asexual, but on the other, I enjoy engaging in sexual relationships, which puts me on the very edge of asexual.

Gray-Ace is an umbrella term, meaning there's a lot that falls under it. Personally, I like the subset terms, they help narrow things down.

[Devil Kisses]

I identify as gray-A because I have a hard time knowing when I'm attracted to people.

[NobodyHerre]

Hey! New to AVEN :)

For me it because for a long time I was on different medications that skewed my compulsive behaviours, where I did crave sexual behaviour. (E.g. They caused a spike in libido which was normally absent). Because I was on them for so long, I simply thought I was sexual. But now that I've been off them for almost 2 yrs, I remember pockets of time where for example, I was switching to a new medication, and had to come off the old ones, and actually felt comfortable and happier without a libido. At the time I didn't really see the assocation with certain meds spiking my libido (and ironically they were types that had side effects of eliminating it in most people).

In any case, I'm not sex repulsed, but I also don't have much of a desire for it either. I have been in a relationship with a sexual for over 3 yrs, and not opposed to having sex nor does the concept of sexual activity bother me, however, since I don't really experience the desire to have it or act upon it we don't engage in it much. Until I figure out whether it was the meds causing the spike in libido, or just me experiencing sexual attraction at different points in my life, I'm using grey aro/ace since for now it seems like the best fit.

[Hellcat67]

Hi!

I think I use grey-a because I'm... A little scared of identifying as a complete ace. Not because there's ANYTHING wrong with it, it's just I hope that one day I will see someone and feel 'blown over' and experience the electricity and butterflies that are spoken of by so many.

[unravelling]

I found AVEN accidentally and to be honest, had no idea there were Asexuals and then grades within Asexuals.

From all I have read and researched, I am close to believing I might be in the gray zone.

Reason being sex is the last thing on my mind. I am a lesbian (in a 10yr long relationship) and while the no interest in sex can be put down to the lesbian death bed, when I think back, I've never really been interested in sex. I'm nearly 40, have been only with 2 women and enjoyed sex when we did it but I've never craved it. I see sexy women and note they are attractive/have great bodies but taking them to bed never crosses my mind. I do fantasize but its only in the days right after menstruation so that is purely biological, I guess.

In those days, I satisfy myself by masturbating. 1 min of masturbating once or twice a month is enough for me. I don't need anything more. I don't get turned on by sex scenes or lirature. I see my partner as the love of my life but not as a sex object.

I really wish I did though. I really want to have a "normal" sex life, want to enjoy and crave orgasms but my body just doesn't react the way I would like it to. To sum up, I think I'm a little more sexual in my mind but almost nil in my body.

[banananana]

Thank you for sharing your stories! It's been very interesting so far.

[crazypimpernelfan]

Hmm... I sometimes identify as gray-a, sometimes as bisexual. But overall, when I *do* feel sexual attraction, it's very fleeting and almost null. I tend to call myself "bisexual" because it makes more sense to people--even if I'm not sexually attracted to guys--but in the real meaning of the word? I'm gray-ace, with slight homosexual attraction and biromantic attraction. ^.^

[DiamandisQueen]

The way I like to put it is this:

A grey ace is someone who is not quite asexual but not quite allosexual, therefore in between!

Basically, you can feel aesthetic attraction towards someone but very rarely do you feel sexually attracted.

I think that grey-aces feel sexually attracted to people depending on certain factors and variables. :)

I hope this helped!

[Lewis Pavey28]

I consider myself a grey asexual because most of the time I don't want sex and don't get turned on but sometimes I see someone every now and again and would want sex with them but it is rare I don't see the point of it

[Rustmyer]

I go with gray because, while I do enjoy sex, I don't feel that way towards people in general. The best description I can think of at the moment is, I have a friend who watched Hunger Games and said the entire time she was thinking about what she'd like to do to Jennifer Lawrence, and while I agree she's good looking, I spent the entire movie wondering when she was going to do anything that merits everyone thinking Katniss is a badass.

[RK800]

I currently say I'm gray-ace because I'm not sure if I experience sexual attraction.

If I do its hard to notice and I still don't want sex.

[JohnDoe1995]

Gray-a is an umbrella term for all the sexual identities that fall on the gray area between asexual & full-fledged sexual (allosexual). People use this term for several reasons:

1. Their sexuality isn't exactly ace nor full-fledged, so using asexual or an allosexual term (hetero, homo, bi, etc.) doesn't feel right.

2. Gray-asexuals with a sexuality with no "official" name use this term because of a lack of a better word. i.e. before the term lithsexual was coined, people that fit to this sexual identity identified as gray-a.

3. Some people find the "official" term for their sexuality uncomfortable or limiting for them, so they use a term with the larger, less confining definition that makes them more comfortable.

4. Some poeple don't understand their sexuality yet & are still confused. They use gray-a to every possibility untill they'll be sure what term to use.

I don't identify as gray-a, but these are the reasons I've heard from other around the forum.

[KendraPM]

I go with gray because, while I do enjoy sex, I don't feel that way towards people in general. The best description I can think of at the moment is, I have a friend who watched Hunger Games and said the entire time she was thinking about what she'd like to do to Jennifer Lawrence, and while I agree she's good looking, I spent the entire movie wondering when she was going to do anything that merits everyone thinking Katniss is a badass.

I relate to that example so strongly. I can look at someone and see how others think they are attractive, but I'm not attracted to them, and I don't understand it when people are like "they are so hot, I could barly pay attention to what the movie was about." I get involved in the plots and storylines, character developement, etc. I don't see the how someone could be so attractive that it trumps anything else.

[Tessc]

I know for a fact that my version of grey isn't the actual definition, but I'll try to explain it.

I have never felt sexual attraction to any real person. However, the idea of sex intrigues me. I am open to it if I ever manage to find someone compatible enough with me for me to be comfortable enough to want to try it. I didn't want to say asexual because what if I do find someone on one of these kinds of sites (AVEN, acebook, etc) who is then incredibly disgusted when I say that I'm open to sex? If I say grey, then there's still the chance that it may happen one day.

[That asexual guy]

I've enjoyed this thread. I sometimes thought I may be considered grey but from seeing people's posts I'm not thinking that anymore. It always helps when people put things in their own words instead of using "approved" definitions.

[yomo]

Since lith/akoisexual is a type of grey ace, I figured I'd give some input.

I personally tend to feel sexual attraction sometimes to fictional characters (even if they are not animated), some celebrities, and my boyfriend. However, 98% of the time I get repulsed or annoyed if people make advances toward me. So even though I have experienced sexual attraction, it's usually not toward someone attainable, and even if they were, sex is not really appealing to me.

[Rising Sun]

I was completely asexual for a very long time, but as I experienced romantic and sensual attraction for the first time with my ex-boyfriend (and first boyfriend) when i was 23, and I was very sensual and sex-curious, I wondered if I was actually demisexual. The thing is that I started experiencing true sexual attraction and desire for my (second) partner at 27, and now I can say the difference with sensual attraction I felt for my first boyfriend is very important. I remember a very old post saying that when you feel sexual attraction, you know it, you can't have any doubts, and i confirm. The feeling is very easy to identify, both the feeling itself and its physical "symptoms". I can say that I've been truly sexually attracted to just one person in my life, who is also the person I've loved the most in my life too, and it feels quite special and unique But despite this, I'm still a person who can live without sex (but who can't live without love).

[HeartfulPeach]

To be honest, I'm somewhat confused about the matter. Technically speaking, I'm asexual since I don't desire any sexual contact with anyone. However, I do fantasize a lot and have a high libido. There's the extremely rare case where I picture myself in a sensual (not sexual) situation with someone else like kissing and other stuff but that's it.

I have to say, though, I have a really big imagination it sometimes scares me

[Francoise Wang]

I always identified as sensual asexual (meaning I love sensuality, but have no interest in actually having sex) ..However I have noticed that some of my sensual needs are just too sensual for many fully-asexual people, but certainly not sexual enough for any sexual people. So I definitely fall in the grey area between asexuality and sexuality, hence: Grey-A

Also, for the first time in my entire life, I felt real sexual attraction for someone a few months ago. I didn't act on it or anything (by telling the person about it, which I could have) but it lasted for about a month and was very strong (by sexual attraction I mean, the desire to have partnered sex, to share sexual pleasure etc etc) Believe me I was completely blown away, and very confused, by this, but like I said it's gone now, and I never acted on it. One of the things that can make someone Grey-A instead of fully ''Asexual'' (asexual = no desire to connect with others sexually, ever) is feeling sexual attraction extremely, extremely rarely, and as that's the only time in almost 27 years I have felt it, I think that counts as pretty rare. So even without the stuff I mentioned initially in this post, I now believe I am Grey-A regardless . I also do not believe that comes down to fluid sexuality or anything.. I believe the capability to feel sexual attraction was always there, it had just never reared it's head. If that makes any sense.

Anyway, one of the really, really good things to come out of this, is that I now know exactly what sexual attraction feels like :P .. so now when I discuss it here, I can speak from a point of personal experience, instead of just basing my opinions around the experiences of others (I have known many sexual people very closely, and always loved talking about sexuality etc, so I already had a pretty good idea of what makes sexual people sexual in the first place, it's just that now I know first hand what it feels like)

Hope that helped at all? :)

(edit: not that it really matters, I think the label I already have in my A/Sexuality section, Asexy Pervert, sums me up perfectly :P)

So what does real sexual attraction feels like? And is it the same as you've imagined before you felt it? Just curious.

About myself, I've considered about whether I should identify as grey-A, because I have many traits that are different from the majority of asexuals, such as I can feel that someone is "hot" (not pure aesthetic attraction like looking at a piece of art, I would feel a sudden jolt of excitement and butterfly in my stomach when I see someone attractive of my preferred type), and I desire physical intamacy (without sex) with people I'm romantically attracted to, and I would have some physical reaction (I think it's physical arousal) when I imagine some kind of sex situations, etc.

But no matter how many traits that makes me different from the majority of asexuals I have, I still never had any desire for partnered sex with anyone. So I think the label of "grey-A" would add more confusion to my situation. So I just identify as asexual, not grey-A.

And if sexual attraction feels like what Rising Sun described, 'I remember a very old post saying that when you feel sexual attraction, you know it, you can't have any doubts, and i confirm. The feeling is very easy to identify, both the feeling itself and its physical "symptoms".' Then I really don't think I've experienced this.

[Crowfather]

I identify as such simply because I can get aroused. I just never act on those sensations, because why would I?

[Snao Cone]

I feel like I'm often at the cusp of wanting to have sex, but I usually fall just short. I described my greyness recently as "I want to grope the concept of them, but not actually them." By "them" I mean specifically men, and it's distinctly different from aesthetic attraction that I have to all genders. When I do have sex, it's not necessarily about the sexual need as much as it is about the experience and spicing things up. This is why most of the sex I have is while traveling - I don't need to explain why I did that to them later because the chances are very small that I'll ever run into them myself.

I still have a libido and get myself off, which is another reason that greyness is an important modifier to me.