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Under what Category should i put myself? Newbie Questions


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Hello im new to this community and currently trying to sort out where i should belong and yeah before i go like: "OMG IM ACEEE!!! "insert fangirlsquee here"

I just need to know if people can regonise themselves in the following things i have been thinking about for a few days now so i can have an idea under what category i can place this.

Soo under wich category do you fall if you are

1 Not being able to understand why people are making such a big deal when you dont feel the desire to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at the moment and enjoy being single for years.

2 constantly being bothered by people who make fun of you when you say you dont have sex for years/ keep yourself safe and sane for when you meet "the one"

and dont miss it in your life at all at this moment.

3 Can have romantic feelings/fall in love but dont feel like OMG i wanna do that person so bad

4 Dream about that romantic guy who wants to take you out for dinner /play video games with you or hang out with you instead of having a guy that prefers a sexual relationship with you besides hanging out/doing other fun things with you

5 Not being able to understand sexual remarks/jokes or anything that falls under that category or get annoyed/walk away when people around you do that.

6 avoid conversations where other persons try to convice you you should go to a dating site or them trying to hook you up because they feel sorry for you by walking out or trying to change the subject because they dont need to know you dont really need a boyfriend/girlfiend, I remember having these moments quite alot fo times.

I know that there are alot of things you can fall under like asexuality or being aromantic but i dont really understand where i should put this under im way too confused, it all sounds like algebra to me, also if you have any other pointers/advice then please let me know i can use all the advice to find out where i could place these things

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CosineTheCat

Hello there, I would love just to point out that, we can't tell you what you are, here you must decide what you think you are. Congratulation of figuring out you're an ace! That seems to be half of it to accept it! All the points make you sound very normal in the asexual community. It's completely okay to be here and not know where you fall. Personally, I don't know where I fall although I'm quite active on this site and help others come to understanding that it is okay not to know. The best thing to do is just to self reflect and be natural around everyone you can. Most of us dislike the idea of labels just because they can be so confinding. I like to say that especially when you give yourself a label and you outgrow it, it can be just as hard to come to terms with who you are again. I know this isn't exactly the answer you're looking for but I hope I was able to answer some of your questions.

To finish this off this is a picture of the different types of attraction, It's just a nice visual cue:

27somql.jpg

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Selasphorus

I'd just add that you can just adopt a label and take it for a test run if you want, see how it feels, if it fits or doesn't quite work and why, and that might help you figure out where you stand. There's no shame in changing your mind if you find something else that fits better.

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1) You don't need to have a drive to find a partner to validly have romantic attraction. You'd still go by a normal romantic orientation. Unless you feel it's rare for you to feel romantic attraction, then that's a type of Gray-romantic.

2) Dunno if you're saying you don't experience sexual attraction, celebate, or rarely experience sexual attraction.

3) Sexual attraction is when someones existance sexually arouses you and you desire/have the impulse to do sexual things to/with that person. Indifference is not desire.

5) Many asexuals have a hard time connecting things like sexual enuendos and what not to sex.

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GwendolynAngel83

Hello and welcome to AVEN :cake: :) I hope you like it here, I know I do.

Like the others have said we can't give you a label, only you can do that. I agree with Selasphorus, you can always try something and see if it works for you and change it if it doesn't.

Cosine the Cat, can I use that image?! Please?! I love it and it explains things so well!!

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Welcome! :)

I can relate to all 6 of the things you pointed out, and I regard myself as a heteroromantic asexual. Of course, it's up to you to come to your own conclusion. Feel free to message me if you ever fancy a chat :D

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To answer some of the questions: It wasnt my intention to have people label me i am well capable of drawing my own conclusions when im done figuring things out but i just wanted to have a clear idea of under what category i could put these things that i was thinking about lately so i can see for myself what i can do with this information, I also wanted to see if people could relate to the points i described earlier just to make things easier for myself.

Im new to this and all these terms like for example aromantic,asexual and so on sounded like algebra to me, I didnt know where to place all that but now im slowly understanding things and yes i very well could be asexual but i just didnt want to have that label on me just yet so thats why the questions.

I can fall deeply in love with someone but i dont feel any sexual attraction to the person i would fall in love with it just doesnt interest me, and i cant remember i ever was interested in it, in a matter of fact i never had sex before and i dont miss it in my life i can last more years without it and i never understood why its such a big deal for other people to have a sex life, dont get me wrong: Im not against it, when it happens a few times in my life it just happens but im just not interested in it.

I can have romantic feelings for someone and do nothing with it its just a phase and it wears of as fast as it comes sometimes, same counts for falling in love i can be in love but when this person wants more then i want these feelings i have are over or maybe ill go along for a while and then i just get tired of it, I can look at a hot guy with a six pack, shrug and move on while others can keep on staring at him while imagining what they could do in bed with him and also: Sex talk just irritates me and i rather avoid these type of convo's then being a part of it, same count for sexual jokes i dont understand them and i dont understand why they need to take something as simple as for example a banana and say something sexual about it.

I do dream about getting married to "the one" but im not in a hurry, I can easily move on with my life and wait for when it is the right time to meet "the one" from wich i hope wont be having too high expectations from me when it comes to having sex.

I had a boyfriend before but the relationship only lasted for a few months because my feelings for him were just innocent and i hated going over to his place where he could touch me, i just wanted to hang out and do fun things but all i got was being lauged at, it just doesnt interest me to do other things so i broke up and i still feel this way only its hard to find someone who thinks the same way i do so yeah forever single here.

Im glad to see some of the answers here they really gave me a clearer idea of what this can mean for me

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banananana

Welcome into the community~

Many of the points you've listed - i.e. 1, 2, 4 and 6 - are not prerequisites for any sexual orientation, because they are behavioural aspects or personality traits. They may be linked to your sexual orientation, but they may also not be linked to it. What really matters is to whom you are attracted. From what you've written, you sound asexual because you don't feel sexual attraction.

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