Sexuals drain me?

[Otakon]

25 year-old virgin demisexual here. Lately I've noticed that the stories I hear about the casual encounters sexuals experience sort of leave me feeling sick. These are not even graphic in detail, yet I've often literally felt like puking. I'm perfectly OK with sex jokes and flirting(as long as it remains respectful), and watching porn, but the prevalence of hook-up culture is getting to me. I've been thinking of distancing myself from sexuals to avoid listening to it as it's slightly depressing to hear.

[IHasCupcake]

Yeah i feel like that sometimes too. Especially since some sexuals have NO FILTER and say whatever comes to mind. But i dont try to distance myself, i just quietly thank myself for being ace and move on.

[LenaLuthor]

While I don't care what two or more consenting adults do, I understand how you feel.

[ZUT]

The culture of casual sex has always seemed super risky, scary, and just plain stupid. I don't understand how two people Who might be casual acquaintances or even strangers can go... undress and be intimate. I just can't understand it and I hate hearing about it from friends.

[Otakon]

what two or more consenting adults do

I think that we say we don't care what consenting adults do because what they do hasn't been scientifically demonstrated to negatively affect us severly enough to push us to care in the 21st century societies. Past societies have cared so much about the "private" lives of others because due to the limited population, the actions of each member of society had so much of a magnified impact on their society in relation to our own they had to care. In other words, it is all connected and their life styles do affect everyone eventually. They are not.mutually exclusive events.

[WhenSummersGone]

The culture of casual sex has always seemed super risky, scary, and just plain stupid. I don't understand how two people Who might be casual acquaintances or even strangers can go... undress and be intimate. I just can't understand it and I hate hearing about it from friends.

I feel the same way as a Demisexual. Just thinking about one stranger plus another stranger, or two people who aren't connected, having sex doesn't make sense to me.

[Visenya]

It doesn't annoy me much when people talk about sex (although I would prefer to avoid that subject) but the way some people talk about it bothers me a lot (if they are being vulgar, bragging about it or being disrespectful/sexist). In my experience, most people who do this stuff are usually the ones who are into casual sex, so...

Also, I dislike it when people engage in casual sex, but don't know how to handle the casual/no-strings-attached part of it, and then complain to me that they're being used/objectified, because the hook-up didn't turn into a relationship. I mean, isn't that the point of it being casual?! It makes no sense to me at all. O.o

[WhenSummersGone]

Also, I dislike it when people engage in casual sex, but don't know how to handle the casual/no-strings-attached part of it, and then complain to me that they're being used/objectified, because the hook-up didn't turn into a relationship. I mean, isn't that the point of it being casual?! It makes no sense to me at all. O.o

I think this depends if the person knows it's just something casual. My past has made me realize that I really need to know what someone's intentions are.

[Tessc]

Thankfully, I am now old enough that most of my friends are either happily married or in committed relationships, so I don't have to listen to stories of them hooking up anymore. What always surprised me and grossed me out is the amount of women who go into vivid detail about their sex lives with their friends. Everything from what "he" did to them to exactly what reaction they had. I know incredibly intimate details about my friend's bodies and their husband's as well because apparently it's perfectly normal to go into detail about their sex lives! Bleurgh!

[Crowfather]

I don't puke, but I might just visibly roll my eyes.
Maybe I'm a hypocrite for not desiring sex, but I believe that sex is an intimate act that should only be done between people who actually love and deeply trust each other.

[Shakiness]

I don't believe it, I eventually no longer feel like an alien on this planet! Thanks to you :)
I totally agree with you socratees. It leaves me an emotional wreck to hear people do that, not necessarily friends. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick&depressed. But, I have the same reaction with people making out casually. Few times when my friends convinced me visit nightclub are still traumatic memories to me - seeing people do this, realising that these are not just stories... Even modern style of dating scares me completely - how can it be a norm to have sex on 1,3,5,10 date?? :( It's simply sad.

[Fire & Rain]

I feel the same way but when people talk about their romantic endeavors. Romantics drain me.

[Custos]

I never get so much as repulsed but bored and confused. It can be pretty dull knowing you're about to sit through another edition of "what I did on the weekend" when it's the last thing you want to know. I agree with the exhaustion derived from "hook-up" society. But I guess it's up to them. It'd just be nice if they kept it to themselves ahaha.

[thatotherguy57]

I accepted long ago that I do not understand the majority of people. In general, the hook-up culture doesn't bother me, so long as I am not hearing details of people's sexual encounters. The only time I take an interest in it, is when I foresee problems for a good friend, as I usually am the one who has to deal with the fallout if it turns into an ill-advised relationship.

What does bother me, is that something in my demeanor invites people to open up to me with information that I don't want to hear. In the case of friends, I don't judge them (unless they do something incredibly stupid), as they make their own decisions, I don't make decisions for them. In the case of everyone else, I just don't care, unless it's something that law enforcement needs to be notified of.

I think that we say we don't care what consenting adults do because what they do hasn't been scientifically demonstrated to negatively affect us severly enough to push us to care in the 21st century societies. Past societies have cared so much about the "private" lives of others because due to the limited population, the actions of each member of society had so much of a magnified impact on their society in relation to our own they had to care. In other words, it is all connected and their life styles do affect everyone eventually. They are not.mutually exclusive events.

Now, this is an interesting thought. I've never seen or heard this view before, and I study social sciences heavily. It makes perfect sense.

[Otakon]

seeing people do this, realising that these are not just stories... Even modern style of dating scares me completely - how can it be a norm to have sex on 1,3,5,10 date?? :( It's simply sad.

Yeah, same here.

How does zero dates sound? I used to talk to this girl who I really liked. She was *very* intelligent, very polite, educated, attractive, seemingly respectable. After a while of knowing her she casually spoke of this one encounter. I learned she had sex with this guy, and later happend to meet him again by accident on the street on different occasion. When she spotted him walking up to her, her biggest fear was that she didn't know his name. The question 'how could you not know the name of a person you had sex with' was hammering in my head.' It almost sounded like she was proud of it. I don't know if this is a result of modern feminism, but a lot of women in the U.S seem to equate going out of you way to be promiscuous for its own sake with being "enlighted", empowered, and educated. All I sense in those people is confusion and immaturity.

[Otakon]

Now, this is an interesting thought. I've never seen or heard this view before, and I study social sciences heavily. It makes perfect sense.

I think a lot of what we find in modern textbooks about the social sciences are influences heavily by politics, namely the feminist movement and our desire for agency. If it isn't popular with your colleagues,bosses, spouse - don't right say. I bet a lot of social scientists see this but they are too afraid to risk whatever position they currently hold to go against the current and express their findings. I tend to rely more on Evolutionary Psychology over Modern Psychology for answers for our behavior because, although the former is still in its infancy, the latter is too often plagued by bias.

[Omitted]

seeing people do this, realising that these are not just stories... Even modern style of dating scares me completely - how can it be a norm to have sex on 1,3,5,10 date?? :( It's simply sad.

Yeah, same here.

How does zero dates sound? I used to talk to this girl who I really liked. She was *very* intelligent, very polite, educated, attractive, seemingly respectable. After a while of knowing her she casually spoke of this one encounter. I learned she had sex with this guy, and later happend to meet him again by accident on the street on different occasion. When she spotted him walking up to her, her biggest fear was that she didn't know his name. The question 'how could you not know the name of a person you had sex with' was hammering in my head.' It almost sounded like she was proud of it. I don't know if this is a result of modern feminism, but a lot of women in the U.S seem to equate going out of you way to be promiscuous for its own sake with being "enlighted", empowered, and educated. All I sense in those people is confusion and immaturity.

Yay, people who are also weirded out by this! It's so great to not feel alone.

I would absolutely agree, a lot of the girls I met in undergrad appeared to be of the opinion that going out to parties and sleeping with guys they'd never met before was the "enlightened" and "adult" thing to do, so much so that I was basically the "child" of the group for not engaging in any sexual activity. I would absolutely agree with Sockratees as above, I think it's a sign of immaturity and confusion about what being an adult means (I have a huuuuuge rant about "adult" dating culture that I'm trying to hold in). Just because you are able to shove your genitals into anything that moves doesn't mean it's the right or wisest course of action. But we were in *college* studying *ideas* and *thinking* so clearly we were old enough to decide for ourselves how much sex was reasonable. And that answer for a lot of people was every weekend. Hiding behind my religion was more acceptable than flat out not wanting to engage in sexual activity--not wanting to was unthinkable for many of my friends. I got a lot of flack from my "enlightened, mature" peers for being a virgin.

However, the looks on their faces when they realized I went through all four years of college without having sex were absolutely priceless.

[thatotherguy57]

Now, this is an interesting thought. I've never seen or heard this view before, and I study social sciences heavily. It makes perfect sense.

I think a lot of what we find in modern textbooks about the social sciences are influences heavily by politics, namely the feminist movement and our desire for agency. If it isn't popular with your colleagues,bosses, spouse - don't right say. I bet a lot of social scientists see this but they are too afraid to risk whatever position they currently hold to go against the current and express their findings. I tend to rely more on Evolutionary Psychology over Modern Psychology for answers for our behavior because, although the former is still in its infancy, the latter is too often plagued by bias.

This is true, especially in history. This is why, to find the truth, you have to look at all sides, find where the claims overlap, and discard the rest. Then look at what most likely happened between points A and B, B and C, etc. There's a lot of bias in social sciences, especially history. Some of it is due to cultural or social sensibilities, some due to political ideologies, and some due to sheer prejudice. Histories are purposefully coloured over to make societies look superior to other societies, or at least not as inferior. The key points are usually all you can trust as true (key term: usually), and the details are painted in favour of the society or culture that wrote, or benefits from the alterations.

[IcyIsis]

I completely agree with you sockratees!

[deleted_account]

Yeah, I get kind of bored with the whole "having sex makes me enlightened and anyone who doesn't love sex is just sad and repressed" attitude. I don't call you a slut, don't call me repressed. It's not a big deal.

And yeah, I also don't like having to hear all the gory details of things people do to each other. I feel like that stuff should stay between the people who did it. It's one of the reasons I'm not especially eager to jump into a new relationship. I don't think most people can be trusted not to kiss and tell.

Most of the time I just avoid people because when there is too much of that behavior around me I start to feel uncomfortable and tired. I think it's a PTSD reaction, to be honest, and it's not fun.

[Residentshadow]

I understand where you are coming from, This is a constant in my life too. The sad fact is we live in a world of compulsive sexuality, since everyone is assumed to be sexual people don't think twice about drowning others in there sex life. That's one of the many reasons I love coming here; I can vent and people get it plus, it beats locking myself in my room all day with the TV, Radio, and Computer off and the blind shut.