What exactly am I?

[HeartfulPeach]

Hi everyone! I hope I can get some insight about my sexual orientation since I think it's kinda complicated (at least, for me it is)

I'm a guy that has never had sex before and doesn't want to either. However, I am attracted to other men. I don't have any qualms about fantasizing about other men sexually, I even get aroused but at the end of the day I don't see myself interacting with someone else sexually. Like, for example, I see a lot of men at the gym everyday and it's impossible for me to not check them out BUT if one of them were to ask me to have sex with them I would undoubtedly refuse (even if I was thinking about them in a sexual way). On the other hand, I wouldn't refuse a date because sex is not necessarily implied. And, even if I were to be in a long-term relationship with someone else, I would still refuse to have sex with them.

Although I am not interested in sex, I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship with someone else. I often picture myself with either a male or a female doing stuff that a couple would do like cuddling or having a picnic together. I'm ok when it comes to romantic stuff like that.

So, to sum it up:

- I haven't and don't want to have sex with anyone, regardless of gender. Nevertheless,

- I am sexually attracted to men and

- I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship with someone else, regardless of gender (I have never been in a relationship,by the way)

So far, I have identified myself as panromantic (leaning more towards men) but I'm not sure about my sexual orientation. And, considering I'm panromantic, I am not entirelly interested in being romantically involved with someone else. I'm like "if it happens, good; if it doesn't, it's all good too".

I hope someone will be able to help me understand more about this :)

[CosineTheCat]

First off, we can't tell you what you are, you have to decide on your own everything about yourself.

Secondly, you can be romantically attracted to people without being sexually attracted to people, the image I'm posting below is a wonderful visual aid to help understand the different types of attraction. People can have amazing platonic relationships that don't include sex at all. Hopefully this helps :)

[TheLycanthrope]

Well, as the AVEN member above me said, it is up to you to ultimatley do some research, reflect upon yourself, and then come to a conclusion that you think suits you well. Just because you identify as something now doesn't mean that it is set in stone and cannot be changed! Somewhere down the line you may end up dating another man and having sex with him, who knows! Nobody here is going to ostricize you for finding out who you are.

By what you have said I would say that you are someone who is possibly asexal but desires a platonic relationship with another man. So possibly asexual but romantic with a leaning towards those of the same sex as you? :P

[LKR]

So you say you are sexually attracted to men but don't want to have sex with them. The definition of sexual attraction is a desire to have sex with that specific person. What I think you mean is that you get turned on by men but don't want to have sex with them. That makes sense. A lot of asexuals masturbate but are asexual because they don't desire sex with the other person.

I have a thing with women that turns me on but no desire to have sex with a woman. So I wouldn't call myself sexually attracted to women because I don't want to have sex with them. Basically my sex life is that I go to bed, have my little fantasy in my head for 10 minutes, orgasm and go to sleep. That's it. I have no reason or desire to add a real person to the mix. I recently experienced a romantic attraction to a guy and would love to have a relationship without the sex. Like the cuddling and picnicking sounds good to me. I'm a woman btw;) I could see how you could be confused.

So I definitely think you are asexual. You can be asexual and still have those romantic feelings. Sounds like you are a biromantic asexual that gets turned on by men. Just because you are turned on by someone doesn't mean you are sexually attracted to them. Hope this helps.

[HeartfulPeach]

First off, we can't tell you what you are, you have to decide on your own everything about yourself.

Secondly, you can be romantically attracted to people without being sexually attracted to people, the image I'm posting below is a wonderful visual aid to help understand the different types of attraction. People can have amazing platonic relationships that don't include sex at all. Hopefully this helps :)

Its not that I want someone to decide what I am, its more like I am looking for a word (if there is) that defines the way I am. I didnt know what a demisexual was until just recently so I thought there may a term that closely describes how I feel, thats all. Also, thank you for that image, it is super helpful! (I have to admit, I usually feel aesthetically attracted to many people, as if Im admiring the external beauty of people but not really wanting them haha)

Well, as the AVEN member above me said, it is up to you to ultimatley do some research, reflect upon yourself, and then come to a conclusion that you think suits you well. Just because you identify as something now doesn't mean that it is set in stone and cannot be changed! Somewhere down the line you may end up dating another man and having sex with him, who knows! Nobody here is going to ostricize you for finding out who you are.

By what you have said I would say that you are someone who is possibly asexal but desires a platonic relationship with another man. So possibly asexual but romantic with a leaning towards those of the same sex as you? :P

You may be right, who knows what could happen in the future. Since I have not yet been in a relationship with someone I may be a demisexual but havent realized it. And yeah, if I were in a relationship, it would be platonic more than anything.

So you say you are sexually attracted to men but don't want to have sex with them. The definition of sexual attraction is a desire to have sex with that specific person. What I think you mean is that you get turned on by men but don't want to have sex with them. That makes sense. A lot of asexuals masturbate but are asexual because they don't desire sex with the other person.

I have a thing with women that turns me on but no desire to have sex with a woman. So I wouldn't call myself sexually attracted to women because I don't want to have sex with them. Basically my sex life is that I go to bed, have my little fantasy in my head for 10 minutes, orgasm and go to sleep. That's it. I have no reason or desire to add a real person to the mix. I recently experienced a romantic attraction to a guy and would love to have a relationship without the sex. Like the cuddling and picnicking sounds good to me. I'm a woman btw;) I could see how you could be confused.

So I definitely think you are asexual. You can be asexual and still have those romantic feelings. Sounds like you are a biromantic asexual that gets turned on by men. Just because you are turned on by someone doesn't mean you are sexually attracted to them. Hope this helps.

Oh, thank you very much! You hit the bullseye! "Sounds like you are a biromantic asexual that gets turned on by men" pretty much defines how I feel. I thought it didnt make sense, but its a relief to know Im not the only one that is that way. I also read this on an administrator's signature: "Not all asexuals define asexuality in terms of sexual attraction. Some just do not desire sexual interaction.". Which would also make sense, I think.

Thanks for the replies, they helped me a lot! I think I can now say with confidence that Im asexual, without a doubt :)

[shockkkk]

Sounds like regular asexuality.

For better or for worse, sexual attraction is defined by AVEN as a feeling that causes someone to desire someone else sexually.