Undateable?

[FinallyReadyToBeHere]

This has kind of been on my mind lately but have you ever thought that you were the type to never end up in a relationship?

The more I look at people and couples around me and then I look at myself, I don't think I'll ever really end up in a relationship mainly because I look at myself and wonder who exactly would be in a relationship with me in the first place. This isn't necessarily negative thinking (well, as a person who would like a relationship, it's slightly disappointing to think about) because I think of certain things that I do now for school and what not and kind of about how I look (which can range anywhere from "wow, I look sexy" to "... meh."). I've always thought it was because I set my standards too high but now I'm wondering if it's really just the fact that I don't think I'm dateable.

I never really let anyone close enough to me to even know if that is the case when I DO date someone but I can never imagine a future with a particular person or I can imagine a future but I know that, somehow, it's not possible.

[Tarfeather]

Hm, my girlfriend also always thought relationships are for other people. Proved her wrong, didn't I? :> Anyway, I don't think anyone is undateable, but statistically some people may never find a matching partner in their life. Which is sad.

[Blakrana]

Pretty much how I approach the whole thing.

Would it be nice? Yes. Do I believe it likely to happen? Not really.

Trick is to not worry about it, I find. Course, it perhaps doesn't help that when pressed my argument revolves around 'impractical as of this time' and 'nobody thinking clearly would bother'. Been in a relationship before, and it was nice...but it ended as I predicted it would, for the reasons I predicted it would. Even the fallout followed my predictions.

Maybe folks will find someone, maybe they won't. Right now, personally, it just isn't a priority.

[Kate1]

Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I feel similar - that I'm undateable and that relationships are something that happens to other people. It makes me sad. I don't think that you are undateable - it's easy to believe this for other people. I think it's good to focus on things that you do well or enjoy (as you seem to mention things you do for school) because positive self-esteem generated by these can only be good all round and may contribute towards being in the right place for a relationship if you do meet someone you get on well with. I hope you find what you're looking for, relationships and in all else.

[Frigid Pink]

Sounds like a low self esteem problem.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/100-tips-thoughts-for-better-self-esteem-because-if-you-dont-like-love-you-youll-choose-people-that-reflect-this/

[an18059]

That sounds exactly like me! I remember being like 10, and I asked my dad when he first had a girlfriend, and he said it was when he was 15. At the time, I thought that sounded ridiculously old to first be in a relationship and have your first kiss etc, but as it got nearer and nearer the time I kind of realised that I wasn't going to have any of that stuff any time soon. Dating in secondary school is pretty much for the cool people, or the people who think they're cool at least. It's for the girls who have perfect hair and wear makeup and like dance and sports, and for the boys who mess about and make dirty jokes and flirt with all the popular girls. And that definitely doesn't include me. In fact, I'm now kind of shocked that my dad managed to get a girlfriend at only 15 xD I mean, who on earth was that girl? xD

Anyway yeah, I can't really imagine myself being in a relationship with anyone. Firstly because I can't imagine anyone ever finding me attractive. But also because I can't imagine myself being that close to anyone in that way. Like, when I'm near some guy I vaguely like, or a random person I think is cute, I really can't imagine hugging them or anything. And definitely not kissing them, but I dislike the idea of kissing anyway; it just seems so random and unnecessary. I always used to sort of assume that it would be different as I got older though, and I would get a boyfriend at university. But now I kind of think, well, what magic thing will have changed between now and then? I'll still be the same weird person that I am today, who's totally awkward around people I don't know. And just awkward in general. The thought of anything relationshipy just seems... alien.

[Visenya]

I've always considered myself a very undateable person. I mean, even my mother said so, and my sister once said I will die alone because no one would put up with me (and they weren't even angry when they said that, they were just casually pointing it out). Besides, I think I might give an aro ace vibe, since most people almost never ask me if I'm seeing someone or anything, which makes those horrible family dinners less unbearable, at least.

Anyway... I think I'm too "prudish", introverted, and boring for a relationship, and I'm not even sure if I would want one. It seems suffocating to me. Besides, I have 378,259 problems to deal with (mental issues, for example), and the idea of not having enough money to do the things I want (live alone, travel, move to Europe, have a cat, etc) scares me A HELL LOT MORE than the idea of not being dateable. So I'm pretty much ok with being single. ;)

[TheLycanthrope]

Even when I thought that I HAD to be in a relationship by societable standards I have always found myself to be undateable. I'm almost 20 and I still think this way, but now it doesn't bother me as much because I don't want to be in a relationship anyways!

I've never known had to get in a relationship anyways. I've only been in one, and that lasted a month because a girl engaged me and liked me only for who I was while I was depressed (weird, I know). When people are constantly looking for relationships I just don't get it. How they go about it just baffles me. Even when I am just talking to women, the rare times that I do, they look at me like i'm a circus animal

[TheLycanthrope]

I've always considered myself a very undateable person. I mean, even my mother said so, and my sister once said I will die alone because no one would put up with me (and they weren't even angry when they said that, they were just casually pointing it out). Besides, I think I might give an aro ace vibe, since most people almost never ask me if I'm seeing someone or anything, which makes those horrible family dinners less unbearable, at least.

Anyway... I think I'm too "prudish", introverted, and boring for a relationship, and I'm not even sure if I would want one. It seems suffocating to me. Besides, I have 378,259 problems to deal with (mental issues, for example), and the idea of not having enough money to do the things I want (live alone, travel, move to Europe, have a cat, etc) scares me A HELL LOT MORE than the idea of not being dateable. So I'm pretty much ok with being single. ;)

I'm sort of like this as well. I seem to give off the aromantic vibe or, at the very least, the vibe that I am not interested. My parents, especially my father, used to ask me when I was going to get a girlfriend and my dad even tried to set me up on dates. Last year they just stopped trying and we don't talk about it. We get along very well and have a good relationship my parents and I, I think they've accepted that they should not push me on this issue.

[Zash]

Well, I consider myself undatable, but, that is sorta the plan for me. I don't want to date anyone, so it kinda shows up in my aura/personality/whatever.

[Kaiieda]

When I was in high school I felt pretty undateable. I tried to pursue relationships but they didn't ever really work out. I have this idea that back then, kind of like you mentioned, that I had high standards and that they people around me could sort of sense that off of me. Here I am a few years later married. I don't really think that anyone is undateable though. There's someone out there for everyone I believe.

[Tarfeather]

When I was in high school I felt pretty undateable. I tried to pursue relationships but they didn't ever really work out. I have this idea that back then, kind of like you mentioned, that I had high standards and that they people around me could sort of sense that off of me. Here I am a few years later married. I don't really think that anyone is undateable though. There's someone out there for everyone I believe.

Statistics suggest that there are even multiple someones, though for some of us it's highly likely that we're never going to meet any of them. :>

[Jarndyce]

I tend to think myself undateable, but I think that motivation is the key. If I actually liked someone enough to want to be in a relationship with them, I suspect I'd make a great partner.

It's all fairly academic though; I put no effort into meeting women, so tend to meet hardly any at all (or people in general for that matter). Out of a tiny 'pool', it's hardly surprising that I haven't met anyone with whom I feel motivated to pursue a relationship (not to mention I haven't a clue how those things start).

[Sage Raven Domino]

I'm undateable in the sense that I don't wanna do anything stupid in order to create a 'romantic' atmosphere, which most people would demand :p I'd prefer moving in immediately after the online messaging phase, on rational grounds like reduction of rental expenses per capita :D But that likely wouldn't work because I need a personal room anyway.

[LaMaestra]

There's someone out there for everyone I believe.

I sincerely hope not! I don't want (or need) anyone!

[Valja]

I think of myself undateable, I don't want a relationship and never wanted, it seems so strange to me, I did try to date, but always changed my mind in the last moment because it didn't feel right and refused everything. My best friend and I always laugh saying we are undateable and forever alone.

[Elluna Hellen]

Yes. I still don't see myself in a relationship. Being aromantic, I do not mind this.

[SorryNotSorry]

I blame the epidemic of narcissism.

If there's a someone for me, she's going to be a robot.

[Sage Raven Domino]

I wonder how people can get so close together at all, it seems to require mutual hard and unnecessary work :D

[SorryNotSorry]

All of this is good news for manufacturers of life-size dolls.

[FinallyReadyToBeHere]

Relationships just seem like something for other people. I have never acted like an actual girlfriend to be honest-- I tend to act like a friend who so happens to be a girl. I know I want one at some point it's just that I cannot imagine someone wanting to have a long term relationship with me. I kind of shut myself away because, like tonight, I'm having the kinds of feelings and doubts about myself that make me question my worth as a human being. I don't hold myself in high esteem or regard and I don't know why exactly; I am afraid of people seeing the flawed parts of me that I see too. This isn't modesty, this is me genuinely thinking that I am just not really worth the time of other people.

I mean, I still wonder why people I know actually like me or believe in me-- do they just do it out of societal courtesy? Am I actually really annoying and they talk about me behind my back? Do they really believe in me or do they pretend to because they think that is what I want to hear? All of the positive things people say I am, is any of it even true?

So, if I feel this way about people I know and have no romantic interest in, how can I ever expect to be in a romantic relationship? I don't think I'm too good for anyone, I think people just deserve someone who is actually worth something.

... that came off a lot angstier than intended. O_O;; Ignore that, I'm having one of those crisis moments and needed to kind of get it out.

[Bard King]

Sounds familiar! I know that feeling... Or rather, I would describe it as not deserving what is "normal" for the rest of the people...

Maybe, as Frigid Pink suggested, it's related to self-esteem issues. Trust me, I know those too. I'm starting to wonder maybe, just maybe, one must learn to love oneself before other people start considering spending the rest of your life with you... Let's work on that!

[Ruqiah]

I consider myself undateable for these reasons:

1. I'm not interested. Maybe one day, I will be, but for now, I'm content as I am.

2. I'm not in a time in my life where it would be beneficial. School. No money to do stuff with people (friends included). Bills.

3. I'm a cold, rather unfeeling person. Put it this way, I have a hard time caring about people enough for it to get to that level of intimacy.

Maybe that will change (it has before). Maybe not.

4. I enjoy the freedom singleness offers me, without the social conventions and obligations that seemingly come with "dating".

5. I don't subscribe to the world view that claims that "you must have a romantic partner to be happy."

6. The "I don't want sex/masturbation/kink/whatever" thing would be troublesome for those who do want sex/masturbation/kink/whatever. Which is probably quite a few people.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'm undateable in the sense I've never desired a relationship, I've never even tried. Being obsessed with one person is unhealthy and the thought of even sharing a bed with someone on a regular basis freaks me out. I love my friends and family but I need personal space, something a lot of romantic relationships seem to lack (from what I've seen/heard).

[Mikasa]

Yeah, I honestly don't see myself being in a relationship. I'm rarely attracted to someone and I value my alone time too much. Relationships seem exhausting, I'd probably go crazy if someone would constantly want to spend time with me. Maybe a long distance relationship would be nice, but a traditional relationship... Not for me, I guess.

[Rustmyer]

I want a relationship very much, I want someone to spend my life with. Unfortunately I seem to give off some kind of pheromone that makes people only want to be friends. I don't think I'm undateable per say, just unable to get a date.

[Squirrel Combat]

After twelve consecutive failed attempts now, this thread is definitely food for thought. I might just be undateable and thus sharing my life with someone just isn't for me. I want to...but can I really?

...I want to. :(

[A380]

Relationships just seem like something for other people. I have never acted like an actual girlfriend to be honest-- I tend to act like a friend who so happens to be a girl. I know I want one at some point it's just that I cannot imagine someone wanting to have a long term relationship with me. I kind of shut myself away because, like tonight, I'm having the kinds of feelings and doubts about myself that make me question my worth as a human being. I don't hold myself in high esteem or regard and I don't know why exactly; I am afraid of people seeing the flawed parts of me that I see too. This isn't modesty, this is me genuinely thinking that I am just not really worth the time of other people.

I mean, I still wonder why people I know actually like me or believe in me-- do they just do it out of societal courtesy? Am I actually really annoying and they talk about me behind my back? Do they really believe in me or do they pretend to because they think that is what I want to hear? All of the positive things people say I am, is any of it even true?

So, if I feel this way about people I know and have no romantic interest in, how can I ever expect to be in a romantic relationship? I don't think I'm too good for anyone, I think people just deserve someone who is actually worth something.

I really want to hug you right now! You're not alone in this -- that's the exact same shit I'm going through myself. :( I wish I could cheer you up somehow, but I suppose you wouldn't believe any compliments nor words of encouragement right now... Hey, PM me if you want to chat or get some things off your chest, ok? I'm here for you!

[Pandilla]

sorry to bump this, but ive been told numerous times by numerous people (most recently yesterday) that im undateable... its depressing because I shouldnt even be bothering with people anymore because I know its all downhill from this point on but I still care about someone which hurts alot that they say that... I want to prove her wrong some how...

[WhenSummersGone]

I have low dating confidence so I know how this feels. It sucks :( I've been told negative things about me that turn guys off or I just don't have the skills to attract people. I don't have any quick advice but I'm seeing a therapist so I hope she can help me.