-CLOSED-

[hyperbole--]

- I'm going to attempt to summarise my thoughts and words into shorter verses and to be more direct. I know how tiring it can be to read huge chunks of words. At times, it doesn't go easy on the eyes.

.

.

Not too much background information on me. I am in my mid-teens, and have recently classified myself as asexual and gray-romantic. I'm not going to go into elaboration on it; it's pretty similar to many other members here. However, I am still not too sure about the 'grey-romantic' part; due to several questions sitting on the top of my head.

Now, I don't think I am 'too young' to say I'm this or that. Puberty, for me, began when I was 9. I know, rather early, isn't it? In addition, people of my age are able to know themselves well to say they're straight, etc. So, I think I have that right, as well.

I wouldn't consider myself 'out'. In my country, same-sex marriage and relationships are illegal; yes, there are laws against such. I don't think the people are too homophobic, but they generally do frown upon it. Following that, I don't think there's a need to reveal to others of my sexuality, but I do feel pressured when people ask me relationship/sexual/etc questions and opinions.

I digress. Onward to the questions! They've been answered. Thanks to the different threads here, I have been able to understand and clear my mind.

.

.

SQUISH...OR CRUSH? SQUISH

When I was much younger, I experienced a lot of feelings towards many people of the opposite gender. Yet, though I think it may have been of romantic nature, I'm still not certain of it.

Let me explain further. At that point of time, when I was undergoing those emotions, I pretty much had the typical, usual 'symptoms'. Pounding heart, sweaty palms, being overly-conscious and whatnot. Sounds romantic, doesn't it?

Not only that, I too would imagine holding hands, hugging, and other forms of physical intimacy (not much of kissing and any other related actions). Yes, yes, it may seem to others that it's the green light for it being romantic feelings.

However, I have thought about it on a deeper level, and now ask myself, "Did I really envision myself to be in a relationship with them?" Again, do let me elaborate.

I didn't think of the usual mechanics of a female/male relationship, back then. I only thought of holding hands, and being all happy. I never delved deeper into the thought of being committed. It sounds as though all reveries were conjured up to cater to merely feelings, and not the bigger picture - about emotional connection. Sounds a bit strange, I'm aware; it's hard to explain.

Moreover, there was this one time that I even imagined me getting married to this one person. Yet, it was more of the thrill of getting married than being married. Any images of after the wedding never hit me. At all.

Is this a squish that has been taken up a notch? Or, rather, a genuine crush?

If it is a squish, are there such things of squishes involving extreme, passionate feelings?

The lines between the definition of a squish and crush sure are blurred, aren't they?

.

.

AROMANTIC...OR GREY-ROMANTIC? AROMANTIC

Now, this will be straightforward.

If the answer to the first question is a crush, doesn't that make me grey-romantic?
If it be a squish, I'd be considered aromantic, yes?

I don't have any recollection of having any thing that I can truly label as 'romantic'.

Besides, I don't exactly know what romance feels like; I always wonder how relationships work and what exactly do each feel towards the other.
I feel that if I did experience romantic attraction, I would know the answers. But, I don't. Besides, 5th grade (see next qn.) wasn't that far away.

In addition, I've always felt more comfortable with 'Aromantic' than 'Grey-romantic'.
Just something inside that nags at me that I'm not grey-romantic.

.

.

WTF OCCURRED, AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION JUST BECAUSE.

This is probably the most crucial and foremost question.

Ignore whatever questions I'd asked you before.

Just now that, by the end of 5th grade, my feelings stopped.

Halted.

Yes, even 'froze' can be a suitable word.

I have no explanation, or the slightest hint on why this occurred. It just did.

Any ideas on why this happened? I've just accepted that at times, strange things happen with little reason.

Up till now, I have not experienced another squish/crush. I do not know whether this will change, but currently, it has not.

Yet, I do feel a certain attraction, preference or pull towards certain people. Sometimes, I even hope that the attraction would be reciprocated. But then, I instantly repel from the possibility of getting into a relationship. I guess I just enjoy the 'chase'.

However, despite that, it does not consist of anything that can be considered romantic in nature. Besides, it's usually on good-looking people. Hence, my second question.

Is it just physical attraction? Yeah, it is.

.

.

OTHER MINI-QUESTIONS

• can an aromantic/grey-romantic person find r/s sweet? and even desire it, at times?
• despite ^, can an aromantic/grey-romantic feel, at times, repulsed by 'fluff' and other annotations of affection?
• is it fine if an asexual does not feel extreme revulsion towards sexual acts? but, just slightly disgusted and uncomfortable?

​.

.

That should be all... should.

Thank you for taking the time to read! An even bigger thanks if you had decided to help me out!

[SkyWorld]

Hmm... I'll try to answer some of your questions, but I honestly don't think I'm the best person to ask whether what you feel is a crush or a squish as I myself struggle to figure out such things... I'm not completely sure, but I do recall having my feelings more "intense", I guess you could say for lack of a better word, than other feelings what I would have for people. Some of my feelings are very brief and last for just about a week or so, some last for months, some lasted for a few weeks, disappeared for a few months, and then eased back in with more "intense" feelings.

I mean, I would think about the person I have those feelings for more frequently and I would imagine bonding with them, talking with them, or cuddle with them. Sometimes I imagine kissing them, but that's really not that frequent at all. I don't really imagine marrying them... then again I don't really plan on getting married in the future anyways, but I do sometimes imagine a life with them under the same roof, like roommates or something, and really just do nothing more than just more talking, bonding, and cuddling. I've also felt that way about one or two, maybe three people in my life so far. Other than that, the not-so-intense feelings are nothing much more than just wanting to get to know them. I guess those "intense" feelings would be a "crush", but I'm not completely sure if it's anything romantic or just some kind of queer-platonic relationship.

I also want to mention that only you can identify with what you want, not others. Of course, you probably already know that, but I'm just saying just in case. Aromantic or grey-romantic? I'm not completely sure... I identify as quoiromantic (aka wtfromantic) because I fail to distinguish my feelings between romantic and platonic attraction. I'm not saying that you are or are not quoiromantic, but perhaps check it out. Even if you don't think that fits you, perhaps it can lead you to another label that could fit. Also, it really is just a label. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against labels, it's just really not something to worry too much about. You own the label, the label doesn't own you. You don't necessarily have to choose (haha, sorry to break the seriousness inappropriately here, but I just made a typo "cheese" and just corrected it... just thought it might be a good little giggle) a label if you don't want to.

I used to identify as grey-aromantic because I pictured it as some kind of scale and I tend to lean more towards aromantic than romantic because I didn't experience that "romantic" attraction much and it was really rare. I guess it's still somewhat true because I rarely feel that "intense" attraction and so far they seem to be about a year or so apart from each other. Yet, I still struggle to realize if those feelings were romantic or platonic... thus I just go with quoiromantic. Though, from what you told me, I suppose romantic orientations can be as fluid as sexual orientations. I mean, I don't see why not. Just that... fluidity is really really rare. Really, it's up to what you feel and what you think about yourself. I obviously can't do that because I'm not you. ^_^ And I don't want to assume anything.

Most people just use the term "aesthetic attraction" rather than "physical attraction" because it's kind of a confusing term since physical attraction is sometimes referred to sexual attraction and such. Otherwise, yes, that does sound like aesthetic attraction, feeling attraction to people who are aesthetically pleasing.

Er--what is r/s? I tried googling it, but it didn't come up with anything useful or even related to this subject. Do you mean romantic/sensual? Yes, some aromantic people want a romantic relationship, they just don't feel romantic attraction, aka cupioromantic (right?). To your second and third mini-question, yes.

No problem! This... probably wasn't too much help.. but just going for that slight chance that it may just be a little bit of help. And if not, at least you know that you're not alone. ^_^ Good luck!

[hyperbole--]

The differences between a squish and a crush is probably one of the hardest questions to answer, ever.

I actually do desire a r/s (r/s means relationship!), but like you, I'd prefer it to be platonic. Basically, just having a close, great bond with that other person. It'd be best if we became roommates, too. How fun would that be?

Oh, for me, I have not experienced another squish/crush for years.

Hmm, I don't think I am Wtfromantic. Something tells me that I definitely can differentiate romantic and platonic feelings; even though I have not experienced little to none of it. Cheese is cute. :)

Ah, aesthetic attraction? Yes, that's what I meant. I know for sure that I'm asexual, so sexual attraction doesn't apply to me. In fact, the idea of seeing someone and going, "Damn, I'd like to ___ her/him.' sounds unrealistic and improbable.

Yes, sadly, it doesn't answer my questions, but it has helped me rule out being Quoiromantic! For that, I'm grateful! ^^

[SkyWorld]

but like you, I'd prefer it to be platonic. Basically, just having a close, great bond with that other person. It'd be best if we became roommates, too. How fun would that be?

Actually, I just prefer it to not be anything sexual. Romantic or platonic is fine with me... sometimes I guess you could say that I picture myself in a relationship and being a "couple" and being boyfriend/girlfriend, I just kind of feel uncomfortable with that gf/bf label. Either a romantic relationship or a QPR is fine by me, I just say roommates because... I don't want to say a married couple. Really just living under the same roof. It really does sound like fun! ^_^

[hyperbole--]

I feel the same! Sexual relationships make me want to hide beneath a blanket. Yes, sometimes even people like us tend to daydream. :) However, when given the opportunity to make that image real, I would much rather not. The 'chase' seems much more appealing, but I find I tire of it easily and lose interest.

If I ever have to marry...I'd marry another person similar to me. It'd be like a pairing between best friends. Of course, marriage means an eternal bond...so, no. I don't think I'd want to marry, ever. I have certain commitment issues; embarrassing to say, haha.

[Star Bit]

If you don't want to be in a romantic relationship despite the romantic emotions then you can go by Aromantic, but if it's the reciprocation that turns off your emotions or you're indifferent of the reciprocation then that's called Lithromantic aka Aporomantic. Aromantics and romantics can have squishes, but squishes are only a strong desire to know or befriend someone.

According to AVEN "Romantic attraction is a very difficult thing to pin down. Put as simply as possible, it is a distinct fondness or affection toward someone that differs from what you would feel toward friends, family, or people you admire. It may be characterized by a unique, almost surreal anxious-euphoria when sensing or thinking about this person and is distinguishable from hero worship. It typically involves butterflies in the stomach, heart fluttering or “melting” when interacting with them, some obsessiveness, all over warm and fuzzy feeling, and being swept into a dreamy state of mind, but experiences may vary depending on the individual and intensity of the case. Desires such as wanting to bond or be physically close with them are extremely common when experiencing romantic attraction, but there is no desire exclusive to romantic attraction, nor are desires necessarily present at all when being romantically attracted to someone."
So with all the wants and unwants that are possible in a romantic relationship, it's left up to an emotion, and emotions don't translate well into words so it's then left up to your own interpretation. But it at least involves soft/fuzzy feelings and a fixation which can differ in intensity by person.

Nor does your romantic relationship have to measure up to other romantic relationships. A squish that's "been taken up a notch" could be categorized as queerplatonic. Romantic attraction can be fluid; fluctuate, and who knows for how long.

Queerplatonic relationship (QPR): a platonic relationship that has characteristics of a romantic/sexual relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone you platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.

Aesthetic attraction: a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannerisems; a pull to look at them. Never heard of a desire for that to be reciprocated though. It's different from recognizing good looks; with no fixation.

Physical attraction is an inaccurate word and can be intended and interpreted as three different attractions; aesthetic, sensual, and sexual.

With r/s in the mini questions, do you mean romance and sex? Seeing your following post, you can have a relationship that doesn't have to be sexual or romantic; friends, best friends, or a queerplatonic relationship.

An aromantic can like romance, they just can't feel it toward anyone. An aromantic who wants to be in a romantic relationship/act romantically is called a Cupioromantic. They have love to give but unfortunately can't feel romantically so they'll act without it. Just like before, an Asexual just can't feel sexually attracted to ppl, nothing more. It doesn't mean they can't watch porn or write their own sexual fan fics. Aromantics can even write romantic fan fics. Romantic preferences differ by person. Certain things can even repulse romantics, so it just depends. If you're repulsed by romance in general then some ppl add romance-repulsed or romance-averse with their aromantic title.

[hyperbole--]

Thank you for clearing up many things. Especially on the first paragraph. Perhaps I have had felt romantic attraction - who knows?

Yes, a queerplatonic relationship is probably the best word to describe what I prefer.

Aesthetic attraction - forgive my careless use of physical attraction; most people that I speak with usually associate it with aesthetic attraction - may not be attraction, after all. After reading what you've typed, I've thought a little deeper, and realised I have no fixation. I would just prefer that person over others; possibly due to the looks. I don't think about that person, and generally don't bother about what the person does. I do look over sometimes, but then forget about it.

Indeed. I meant by romantic relationships. The typical relationship between a girl and boy.

Interesting. I myself have no interest in getting into a relationship. In fact, I feel unnerved by the thought of someone liking me. I almost dread it, and when this does happen, I tend to become colder and distance myself from that person. Strangely, though, I would too feel flattered and satisfied. After a while, I just tire of it. Once again stating, I just like 'the chase'.

I have no qualms on others being together, but I tend to find that at certain points, it makes me uncomfortable and almost repulsed. I do enjoy certain parts of romance, though. But usually, it's in fictional books/online videos (vloggers/etc - where I don't view it in person). Other than that, I'm pretty indifferent to romance in general; as long as it does not concern me too deeply.

Thank you for your reply! To be honest, your reply made me ever more certain that I am indeed aromantic.

Once more, thanks.