Responding to Questions about Ace Ring

[HS2NAce]

Hi all!

I've been lurking around the forum for a while now, but this is my first post.

My ace ring came in the mail today! And while I'm super excited to wear it, I anticipate a lot of people asking me about it, as I don't usually wear jewelry. I'm really torn on whether I want to come out to everyone or even just some of the people who ask.

While I know that a response of, "It's a cool ring, and I like it" is perfectly fine, I feel sort of ... obligated to explain to people who ask, because the ace community really needs visibility (at the same time, the idea of coming out to such a potentially large group of people within a short time span intimidates me).

So how do y'all respond to questions about your rings?

[CosineTheCat]

It really depends on who the person is and if I want them to know something personal about me. I'm normally very honest and I'll tell people the truth but at the same time if someone makes me uncomfortable for any reason why tell them something that is that personal about yourself.

It's really all up to you, if you're okay answering people's questions and some wholehearted criticism because people don't understand. If you're not okay with talking to people about personal or informational information then I suggest just answering with the "cool ring" story, but if you're fine with talking and explaining to people, it's still up to you. :)

[deltaX]

I used to worry about this too, but I've been wearing the ring for about 10 months now, no one has said anything about it. I'm not usually one to wear jewelry unless it has a meaning either, so it was kind of surprising that randomly wearing a black ring all of a suddenly attracted essentially zero attention from everyone else. So it's totally possible that no one will say anything about your new ring either.

If they do though, it's totally up to you on how you want to respond; you aren't obligated to come out just because the ace community needs visibility. Personally I think if I was ever asked about my ring, my response would depend entirely on the person asking- There are some people I would come out to in a heartbeat if they gave me the opportunity, and others that I will probably never tell.

[Vega91]

Nobody's ever said anything about my ring either, so it's completely possible that you won't even get any questions. I think a lot of people just tend to assume you like the ring for whatever reasons as opposed to it having significance.

I pretty much agree with the above. Nobody is obligated to come out just for visibility. If you feel comfortable telling the person and answering questions about asexuality, then go ahead. But it's perfectly fine to lie and say it's just a ring. I've only told two people about the ring and both of them already know I'm ace, I probably wouldn't tell many others about its significance. But as has been said,it's all up to you.

[lostinfiction]

I was nervous wearing it at first, but the only people who have ever asked me are my family, my friends just sort of go with it. Even with my family I am selective about who I tell- thus far I have only told my parents and my sister what it means. All the rest who have asked I gave noncommittal answers and changed the subject. Most people just don't recognize it as a symbol.

[Skywolf]

If I trust them enough, I explain it. If I don't, I say I just like the ring or that it's important to me.

[SkyWorld]

I had a couple comments about them.

One, this girl asked if my boyfriend bought it for me and I said that I didn't have a boyfriend... then after an awkward silence, I knew that she thought that I was a lesbian. I didn't really care though and since then, she didn't really treat me much any different... or at least I can't tell much if she has.

My mom asked me if it symbolized anything and I was kind of hesitant to tell her, but I didn't want to lie to her. Her phone rang before I could tell her and I was like, "Yes, saved by the bell!" But no... she still wanted me to answer the question. I told her that it was an ace ring and she asked me what that meant. Then I confessed that it was short for asexual. She picked up her phone and said that she would talk to me about it later. Which kind of made me uneasy... it's been about a week since then and she hasn't gotten to me back about it either. It's kind of confusing because... she knows that I'm asexual. She herself guessed that I was asexual before I even told her. She even knows what my ace flag scarf means. I guess she just doesn't seem to happy with me being asexual and hopes that I would "get over it".

[Jarndyce]

I've noticed that women tend to wear rings more often and often more numerously than men. You may find that few people ask you about it at all, particularly as black isn't a showy or attention-catching colour (mostly).

That aside, I only tend to ask people about rings that look like they have some meaning, rather than being worn purely aesthetically. So yes, some people who know you better than most will probably ask you about it (but don't be upset if some don't notice or just don't ask).

I think others have fairly well covered how to respond, and as I don't wear an ace ring myself I can't help much. You may wish to be warned however, that swingers also wear a single black ring on the middle finger of the right hand as a symbol. There's a slight chance that you might get a rather surprised question at some time about it..!

[DigitalBookDust]

No-one has asked me about my ring. I must say I'm sightly disappointed. I was all set to use it as an awareness-raising tool about asexuality. Sigh.

[deltaX]

You may wish to be warned however, that swingers also wear a single black ring on the middle finger of the right hand as a symbol. There's a slight chance that you might get a rather surprised question at some time about it..!

Although it is possible that some people might not recognize the difference, wearing a black ring on the right hand is only a symbol for being a swinger if it is worn on a finger that isn't the middle finger. From what I'm seen, they're pretty respectful of the ace community and try to leave the right middle finger for us.

Source: http://www.lifestylerings.com/faqs.html

[Jarndyce]

You may wish to be warned however, that swingers also wear a single black ring on the middle finger of the right hand as a symbol. There's a slight chance that you might get a rather surprised question at some time about it..!

Although it is possible that some people might not recognize the difference, wearing a black ring on the right hand is only a symbol for being a swinger if it is worn on a finger that isn't the middle finger. From what I'm seen, they're pretty respectful of the ace community and try to leave the right middle finger for us.

Source: http://www.lifestylerings.com/faqs.html

Interesting. Unless I'm just remembering incorrectly, they used to use the middle finger too. I do recall reading previously that they're quite respectful of asexuality, which I also thought was rather decent of them.

[BlueButterflies]

I've been wearing a black ring for about three months now and I've never had anyone ask about it. Even if I don't wear my other rings, I wear that one. Either I'm not around people who know what it means, or no one I'm in contact with really cares. Probably both.

[gayasanaro]

I made my friend a ring and when her (straight) mom saw her wearing it she asked about it. They had this conversation (I wasn't actually there but heard about it later):

Christina: My friend made it for me.

Her mom: Ooh, a boy friend or a girl friend?

Christina: *smiles a little bit bc I'm nonbinary*

[Skycaptain]

I have worn an Ace ring for 6 months and nobody has asked me about it. I have told people who know that I am asexual what it means, as like others here it is the only jewellery item I wear

[Wonderment]

Y'know I've never been asked about my ring at all, and before I started wearing it I didn't wear jewellery apart from earrings. I would assume I'd say something along the lines of "I like it, it's very pretty"

[Ann4Q]

I have a question, how do you guys feel about wearing t-shirts with ace references? Do you think it's corny and too much of a "novelty", or fun and clever?

[deltaX]

I have a question, how do you guys feel about wearing t-shirts with ace references? Do you think it's corny and too much of a "novelty", or fun and clever?

I think a lot of the t-shirts I've seen with ace references are fun and clever, but I don't think I'd have the courage to actually wear one. I'd be nervous about proclaiming my asexuality that openly. If you want to though, then go for it! :)

[Jaylah]

I've been looking for one lately and, to be honest, I decided I wanted to wear one for me, not as any kind of sign to anybody else. Like it would be my own little secret. "Haha, it's right in front of your nose, but you don't know it." I base coming-out on who the person is and why I think they need to know, so if anybody asked me about it (once I get one), I'd probably just say something like, "Oh, do you like it?"

But I already wear opal rings on the 4th finger of both my left and right hands, so I doubt anybody would really even think about it if I started wearing another one.

[Trolley Girl]

I usually just respond by saying simply that I like it and that I think it is cool.