KittiesSong Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I was browsing the forms tonight, as a little one last check before sleep. When something someone said caught my eye. They said they had basically made their own category of a relationship because their "soul mate" was actually their mom. It resonated with me so strongly because one of the things I want most in a "relationship" is a motherly figure. My best friend fits this role perfectly but I've been struggling with this concept of not fitting in and feeling a bit upset for "holding her back" from exploring relationships. Or at least that's how I feel internally. She has assured me that she cares about me and does want to live with me but there is always that hanging question of what if someone else (romantically) comes along? But perhaps I am thinking of this in the wrong light... maybe it's ok not to "fit in". It's still hard because I don't want to stand out... I'm very shy and don't often take teasing or bullying well. But I'm happy just to dream about living with her and it being more of a mother/daughter or sisterly relationship. Perhaps one day I will feel ok admitting that she isn't "just a friend" and that it's not romantic but it's still very very vital to me. It would be nice to not care what others think though. PS: if this post seems a tad scrambled, it's because it's super late and I'm tired but I needed to get something off my chest before I dissolve into a puddle of tears. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Wow. I'm happy to see my words touched some one in such a helpful way. I like to bring out the soul mate thing a lot when it comes to asexual relationships because we do have to make them differently than others, but some people have a hard time breaking out of the molds. When I first realized my mom was 'sleeping around' as it were (she has very strong sexual appetites, and no one 'steady' boyfriend) It bothered me for a while...I felt like she was having a connection with others that I couldn't even fathom, let alone be part of, and it bothered me that there was some aspect of her that couldn't ever be part of our relationship. As soon as I realized this in words, I immediately realized how silly that was. What we had was what we had, and it didn't have to be more or less than that. The heart does not have a finite amount of love to portion out among dear ones. The love we have grows to encompass all we care about in all ways. Your friend having other relationships, even romantic ones, doesn't have to get in the way of what you and her share...unless the two of you let them, which you may struggle with as you say you have trouble doing things that make you stick out. But if you and your friend can both wrap your heads around this relationship which falls through the cracks of societies structure, then I'm sure you can make it a long and mutually fulfilling whatever-you-wanna-call it. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors. Link to post Share on other sites
KittiesSong Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Thank you very much. I know that I know that our friendship will stand the test of time. It is simply a matter of realizing that not only is being different ok but also coming to the realization that because we love each other so much and care about each other that neither of us is likely to drift apart or abandon one another as I have experienced in the past. I think that is where a lot of the fear is coming from.... I have so few friends and quality relationships that when something this wonderful and deep has come along it kinda scares me! I mean not in a bad scary way but in the kind of vulnerability and trust I'm simply not accustom to. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnCarizma Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 i really feel you but i think you don't to be an obstacle or to get in her way nothing will change you will relmain the same as you were nothing to be worry about Link to post Share on other sites
if-indeed Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 No two relationships are the same, no matter what we choose to call them. I think it's actually better to acknowledge that a relationship is what it is, than to try to force it into a box it doesn't really fit in. It can be hard to explain non-typical kinds of relationships to other people, I know, but what matters is what you and your best friend feel. If other people refuse to understand, they're the ones missing out! Do what works best for you and for the needs of your partner and your specific relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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