What is fair to her?

[LordPanzi]

As some of you know, my girlfriend of almost 4 months told me she is asexual.

To put the story on the short end, I'm torn.

On one hand she is exactly the kind of girl I've been looking for. She's smart, strong, funny, beautful, and into the same things as me

On the other hand, I don't want to go my whole life a virgin. I also don't want to stay at this awkward phase where I never know what she wants. One day she's willing to hold me close, the next we don't even hold hands.

I feel terrible, I really do. I was going to confess love in a couple weeks and now I don't know...

What is fair to her? Should I struggle forth an try to deny my own needs? Or should I end it now?

Please help me...

[Star Bit]

It sounds like her sensual attraction for you is off and on/not very constant. Some aces are turned off by sexual advances. You said some days she will and some days she won't; which throws out the posibility that she takes the gesture as sexually suggestive (that you want sex or the action will lead to sex), but she could be taking something before the contact as sexually suggestive and not want physical contact because of that. If it fluctuates for no reason then there is Gray-sensual. Like the other Grays, it is between having the attraction and not; having characteristics of both simultaneously or at different times (i.e. having sensual attraction but being repulsed by its real reciprocation or sensual desire coming and going). As well as Gray-sensual including having few sensual desires. Dunno if there are any threads on it though.

But relationship wise, if this is something you need and she's not willing to compromise (though both of you would be comprising) or have an open relationship, then yes; breaking up sooner is better than inevitably later. Though if you just don't want to die a virgin then maybe you can ask your girlfriend for an open relationship strictly for that. (i.e. once you lose it the open relationship is over) Also, there are different kinds of sex; someone can be a virgin in one way but not as a whole; so if she's not ok with vaginal, could you die a vaginal virgin but not a virgin in other ways? Many women are anal virgins so why would it be bad to die a virgin in one way but not others? Sex is sex and a virgin is someone who has not had sex in any way. My point is, would you be ok with a hand job, oral, dry humping, using body crevaces as a substatute insertion point (i.e. ass cheaks-- though oral and hand jobs are this too), or sex toys so she doesn't feel her body is actually doing what she does not desire.