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Hi.


karros

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I'm not sure how to start this, but i guess some kind of introduction is a good way.
I'm Swedish, 21 years old, and a female who identifies as a homo-romantic asexual.
I'm not really new to asexuality, it's something i've felt as long as i can remember, but it's also something i've struggled with for a long time.
I didn't want to be different from all my friends, (adding to this is also the fact that i'm a female who is romantically attracted to other females, causing me to make up crushes on boys from as early as the age of 7) and i didn't want to not be able to join in the discussions that seem to come up as soon as i meet anyone.
I'm not sexually attracted to people: i can appreciate the aesthetic beauty of a lot of people, but anything other than that is still a mystery to me.
[Trigger Warning] (I guess i should also mention that i was sexually abused by a male relative when i was 13, and when my sexuality was apparently forming, and my aversion to anything sexual might stem from that, but i can't know for sure since i didn't feel any sexual attraction before that either.) [End Trigger]
This placed me in the sex-repulsed part of asexuality, feeling nauseated at the mere thought of (anyone) having sex (but of course not judging anyone based on their sexuality or if they choose to have it. Each to his/her own).

I've had boyfriends before, i guess i would just call them beards at this point, and girlfriends, but it was only in my latest relationship that we got to the point of sex.
I don't mind kissing or cuddling, but i wouldn't go further than that again.
(idk if i should put some kind of warning here(?), but if it's triggering for anyone; there's mentions of sex ahead)
The first time i had sex it was pretty fascinating. since i had never felt any sexual attraction, seeing someone experiencing it (and because of me) was pretty cool (though i made it clear from the start that i don't want to be touched). but as time went on i pretty much just went through the motions, and i might as well have been reading a boring book.
Then i started getting nauseated at the thought of meeting her because it meant sex, and i had to eventually break it off because i couldn't be near her without being scared and nauseated.
(I didn't tell her anything about this because i was still not ready to come out, and i'd imagine that she still hates me for how horribly i handled things, i'm not proud of any of it.)
Since starting to come out to friends over the last 6 months I've lost a lot of friends, not because they don't accept the thought of my sexuality, but because they keep making me uncomfortable with jokes and mentions of sex.
Being the only homo-romantic in my circle of friends has made me feel pretty alone at times when my friends talk about their boyfriends or boys they find hot, and being the only asexual only adds to that, making me feel like i'm the only one. But obviously this isn't true, which is why i'm here now :)
What i've seen of AVEN so far, it seems like a very open place, and i hope i can fit in here better than i do in real life.
(also since i saw it was good manners to bring cake, i bring a typical swedish one)
swedish%2Bbirthday%2Bcake.jpg

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Hi Karros,

Welcome to Aven, I hope talking and finding friends here will let you know you aren't alone!

:cake:

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Valar Morghulis

Welcome, karros. Sorry to hear you went through some rough moments, hopefuly you can have a nice time here and make some friends that dont annoy you with sexual stuff ;)

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Hello, and welcome to AVEN!! :cake: :cake:

I'm also sorry to hear that you've been through some tough stuff in the past, and that your sexuality is causing some problems for you. I know what it seems like to feel alone in who you are, and it's not a good feeling at all. However, no matter how much it might seem like to at the time, you aren't alone, and there are tons of people here willing to understand and support you. You are very right in that this is an open place to discuss identities and experiences, and I hope that is in some way helpful to you.

Anyway, welcome again, and I hope you enjoy being a member here! :)

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Hi and welcome to AVEN! It does sound like you've had some difficult times. I hope that everything from here on out it much better. I'm glad you joined, and I hope you love being part of this awesome community!!! :)

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