Thinking you're attracted to someone when you're not

[Devil Kisses]

Has anyone else felt like thi?. I dated a guy I wasn't attracted to for almost a year. I didn't know whether I was into him or not. I enjoyed holding his hand and cuddling. I didn't have any desire to kiss him. Looking back I had no romantic or sexual attraction to him. I still sometimes think I'm attracted to him, but I know it's a trap.

[Ficulnean]

This describes a lot of my experience before realizing I was asexual.

[Star Bit]

Did you just enjoy the holding hands and cuddling, or did you desire to do that with him. Perhaps you're only feeling sensual attraction; the urge to have non-sexual sensual contact. Platonically having sensual attraction qualifies as a queerplatonic relationship.

Queerplatonic relationship (QPR): a platonic relationship that has characteristics of a romantic/sexual relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one's feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone you platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.

nerdperson777 didn't exactly explain what a squish is. It's a play on the romantic word crush because it is essentially an aromantic's crush/platonic crush, and it just means a strong desire to know or befriend someone. The urge typically goes away once the desired relationship is reached (not that the friendship does). Many aromantics confused their squish feelings for romantic attraction before they knew their orientation.

If you want a sensual queerplatonic relationship some ppl use the base word sensual; homosensual, heterosensual, bisensual. Unfortunately there is no official title for someone who desires a QPR but these seem to suffice. The other being homoplatonic, heteroplatonic, biplatonic. Imphasizing that they desire a platonic relationship that would probably be void of platonic sensual attraction, or at least for the most part. Though technically the platonic title can be applied to desired friends. But it typically refers to a QPR here. AVEN wiki puts desiring QPRs in the Gray-romantic umbrella but i disagree because the relationship is platonic. It's like confusing gender expression with actual gender (i.e. being a tomboy or butch vs a girl actually feeling that they're a guy).

[nerdperson777]

When I had squishes on not-so-close friends, that happened. I didn't know they were squishes at the time but I kept thinking about the person outside of their presence. I'm not sure why, but I always had the desire to rescue them in a dangerous situation, whether it be dragging them out of a building that collapsed on top of them or some shady person grabbed and dragged them into an alley. And once they are rescued, they are barely or not conscious, and I try to return them to a safe place. At that point I feel trustworthy and then hide in the shadows for the friend to thank and appreciate me.

I realized they weren't crushes when I had no desire to do anything romantic or sexual with them. Sure my dreams might accidentally conjure something but I don't actually feel that way.

[Philip027]

Never had issues with this. On the (comparatively rare) instances I experience attraction, it's pretty obvious.

[Guest]

Well, yes. I am a very curious person and at younger age I would get into a relationship with anyone that said they liked me because "oh, I must like them back", I'm quite surprised that it went so well considering the fact that I didnt care for them at all. Those were pretty obvious to me though, I knew pretty quickly that I had made a mistake and that I wasn't inlove with them.

However, and these were confusing to me: people that I didn't know at all but that looked/moved/talked the way someone in my head did (in my fantasy) would make me insanely interested and I thought those were crushes. Those "crushes" would die the moment I tried to interact with the person in question. As soon as I realized that they were nothing like the person in my head = they were not interesting anymore.

[dissolved]

... I would get into a relationship with anyone that said they liked me because "oh, I must like them back", I'm quite surprised that it went so well considering the fact that I didnt care for them at all. Those were pretty obvious to me though, I knew pretty quickly that I had made a mistake...

This is me, pretty much. I've started a lot of relationships in the hope that at some point I would end up caring/feeling something or even trying to force it, but of course it never works out and I never feel anything for them. And ironically I have cared for people etc but never really managed to have relationships with them for other crappy, unrelated reasons.

[Queen Under the Mountain]

However, and these were confusing to me: people that I didn't know at all but that looked/moved/talked the way someone in my head did (in my fantasy) would make me insanely interested and I thought those were crushes. Those "crushes" would die the moment I tried to interact with the person in question. As soon as I realized that they were nothing like the person in my head = they were not interesting anymore.

This happens with me too! For a long time I thought this means I liked the person in a romantic way but, as you said, as soon I knew the person a little more I got bored and lost the interest. But nowadays I already know I will lose the interest soon and don't even have doubts about whether I have a crush on the person or not, I already know I haven't.

[Cherry_Muse]

This has happened to me a few times before as well. I was never initially attracted to the person (romantically or sexually), but something about them seemed interesting at the time. I could never figure out what though which was really frustrating. I spent time with them and went out with them, but I still didn't feel all that attracted in the end. Even when I realized I didn't like them (in that way) early on, I still felt obligated to put just at much effort into the relationship as them.

Perhaps you were experiencing a squish, or slight sensual attraction? That could explain why you still feel a hint of attraction, even though you know it's not physical/romantic in nature.