confused gay lady, am I ace too?

[DanceOfSwords]

So ace-spectrum stuff has been at the back of my mind for ages and now I've recently settled on the fact I only like girls romantically, I finally have room to breathe and work this out ^_^ I relate a lot to what I've read about asexuality, especially to people's experiences of growing up unable to relate to the more sexual things that friends were interested in.. buuuut I'm thinking that could also have just been a gay thing because all they talked about was interest in men, so?!?!? I keep worrying I'm just overthinking, or maybe I DO have sexual feelings for girls but I'm subconsciously just trying to sidestep that or something (like I convinced myself I was bi for years too hahaha) Basically I'm having a p hard time trusting myself on this so any opinions would be realllly great :D

I've never wanted to actually have sex with anyone as far as I can understand (so no sexual attraction? but a bit wobbly on this as u will see later). Any physical act involving genitals just seems gross but while I'm totally repulsed by men, with women this isn't as strong.. still it just... I feel like something's not clicking still?? If I just focus on the emotional side of things though then it becomes more & more something I'd actually like to try with someone I was really close to (demisexual?), but this is just a vague 'maybe in the future' thing..

I've had little crushes on lots of girls & their looks have played a part in that because I find them cute in every way, but sex with them never crossed my mind (is this just average for crushes tho?) There is a blurry case- I've had vvverrry strong romantic feelings for 1 person which popped up after being best friends with her for 6 years and suddenly I was head over heels :P And as well as really wanting to be with her romantically I started wanting to do more physical things pretty intensely.. buuut lik.e.... I really don't know if that was sexual attraction or not and I'm not sure how to draw the line :o The most physical thing I actually pictured in my mind was making out but at the same time I'm pretty sure now that if she'd wanted to then I'd have been happy to go further too (grey-ace???? as in low level sexual attraction?) Still, pretty much every other form of romantic and physical affection is more appealing than sex.

Finally tho here's a few things that make me think that maybe I'm just a 'not very sexual' sexual person: I rly like boobs like I get distracted by them prooobably a bit more than a straight girl would I think haahaha :lol: Also when I'm drunk I can get urges to kiss girls and push them against the wall which doesn't sound very asexual (although it's just like a flash of something, it's a pretty strong feeling) so idk if I'm just a lot more reserved normally and.. feel sexual attraction without wanting sex??? is that just a contradiction? Ehhh :')

Just say if any more details would help! Thanks for reading this jumble <3

[Star Bit]

There's no way of telling someone is Demisexual prior to them feeling it for the first time. For sexuals it is not the norm to not have sexual thoughts for a crush (unless they're demisexual). Sexual attraction means they turn you on and you desire to do sexual things to/with them. Sensual attraction includes desiring non-sexual sensual contact. Being willing to have sex does not mean you are Gray-Asexual/Gray-A; which is having sexual attraction and no sexual attraction simultaneously (i.e. desiring sex but not in real life) or having both at different times (i.e. Demisexuals are asexual prior to their needed bond); Asexual is no sexual attraction; it's not the same as consent. Just because some sensual things can be sexually arousing, lead to sex, or happen during sex, does not make them sexual in general. What is sexual strictly involves genital arousal in any (direct or indirect) way. The only things sexual are sex and sensual contact done strictly for arousal. At that moment those sensual things are sexual; or to that person, but not as a whole. (i.e. kissing; it can be arousing to some people but the act itself is not sexual-- another example being a foot fetish; it can do all the aforementioned things but feet in general are not sexual) Your body responding with arousal and doing sensual things to get arousal are two different things. The latter being the one that makes it sexual. Though you could say your body finds it sexual if it responds with arousal.

Asexuals can also have fetishes, so you liking boobs or even liking to touch them does not disqualify your Asexuality. Asexual is just toward sex, not making out.

[DanceOfSwords]

Ah thank you very much!!! That definitely clears some things up. Maybe it's actually pretty likely that everything I'm feeling counts as sensual attraction then :O I felt like I had too many outlying feelings to identify as asexual, which seems like a very final label I guess, but maybe I just need to look around here more to see how people experience it in different ways ^_^