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OkCupid? good or bad site


BlakeQuinn00

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MichelleN

Are there any other dating sites that let you choose your sexual orientation to Asexual, etc? I know there are sexual dating sites but I like that places like OkCupid sort of opens it up to more orientations .

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Someone Else

Okcupid is probably larger than any of the others and it allows for a wide variety of orientations. There's stuff like acebook, but those are nearly dead compared to okcupid.

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WakingDreamer

I actually just saw on OKcupid that "Asexual" is now an option, as well as "Demisexual". Does anybody know when these became options? I think it's awesome they're finally available; before now I always just had to explain myself in the "about me" section and choose an orientation that didn't quite match. Anyway, I've gone on two or three dates before thanks to OKCupid, and nothing horrible happened, but nothing amazing either.

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I have a profile on OKCupid, it's my third time trying the site becuase I've never had any luck. Never get messeges, never get responses. I keep trying though because I don't really get out in the real world too much so I have to do something if I want to find someone.

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allrightalready

i had poor results, i set it up so men could not contact me so at least it is safer than most sites and i only ran into 4 scam artists there which is a much better result than any other site i ever tried even ones i paid for.

very few interactions lasted more than 4 messages and i never ended up meeting anyone in real life.

even with 4000 questions answered the "matches" were quite poor. one messaged me saying we were a good match and it only proved she only looked at location and gender and not the questions. she was a racist and thought that since i was white it should not be a problem for me but had she read the questions she would have seen that was one of my many deal breakers.

in conclusion, go ahead take the time since odds of getting hurt are low but don't hold your breath

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DigitalBookDust

I put a profile back up once "asexual" became an option. I have it set so that men can't contact me. But, pfft! All I've been contacted by are scammers and s few weirdos. No-one bothers to actually READ your profile. I'm leaving mine up strictly for entertainment value, since it's clear it's not going to serve the purpose of me meeting someone local for casual dating. (I'm ace and aro so NOT looking for a relationship. I just wanted someone with whom to go out to eat, go to a play, etc.)

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Someone Else

The more questions you answer, the more worthless the system is. They don't seem to realize this about their own system.
Let's say that I answer only one question; that I don't like people who are racist, and I list my answer as "very important." If it's the only answer I've done, racists who answered that question unacceptably will show up as a zero match. If I answer a second question, and they get that one "right," their match with me may now be 50%. And so forth and so forth. If I answer 4,000 questions, the racist question might end up worth less than 1% off a match score! I could end up with a 95%+ match with someone I would hate.
My best matches were when I'd only answered a handful of "very important" deal-breaker questions, and then used their profiles to wrangle out who I liked from the list.
And then -- it didn't work anyway. ;)
So many women complain that only idiots, etc contact them -- well, contact some of your favorites on your own. Not that this works for me so I wonder why I keep advising it. ;) It's just that waiting for others to make the first move will mean that you'll meet more often than not certain sorts of people -- often the ones who are absolutely unafraid of rejection or can't imagine their greatness being rejected -- that being, many scammers, jerks, arrogant bastards, and sex-obsessed people looking for something impersonal.

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DigitalBookDust

I can't find anyone in my area I'm even remotely interested in contacting. Everyone seems to be heavily into the great outdoors. If I found another profile that even mentioned reading, I'd give her a try. Sigh. Camping just isn't my thing.

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Frigid Pink

I'm ace and aro so NOT looking for a relationship. I just wanted someone with whom to go out to eat, go to a play, etc.

Did you make that clear in your profile?

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Someone Else

I'm told that it's "phone culture" that is leading more and more people to not read long profiles, and just go by the pictures. Has something to do with the okcupid phone app, apparently. I don't get it myself but I can't see myself using a phone as my access to okcupid. I still remember when the internet was all text.

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bookaccino

I've made more friends on OKC than "relationships", but I have yet to succeed in dating a fellow ace because of the app. Its nice that there is now an Asexual option. Just beware if you ever label yourself "Bisexual" because you're biromantic You'll become targeted by couples trying to find a unicorn. There's also two reddit communities /r/OKCupid and /r/OKCupidlgbt that will critique your profiles if you ask them too.

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allrightalready

I'm ace and aro so NOT looking for a relationship. I just wanted someone with whom to go out to eat, go to a play, etc.

Did you make that clear in your profile?

i have been explicit in both the written profile and the questions but no one reads and the match formula messes up no matter how i list as very important, they need another option "deal breaker" that automatically filters the wrong people out.

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Someone Else

They used to have a "mandatory" setting along with the "very/somewhat" important. It wasn't sadly actually mandatory,but was weighted a little more than "very." Taking it away hurt the system and creates hundreds of bad/false matches -- they needed not to get rid of it, but add a "super ultra mandatory." They went in the wrong direction.

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  • 4 months later...
Katarina0815

Thanks MichelleN for the link to your profile...lol... It helps me a lot, when I was thinking "should I or should I not"?

Now I think I will try it on OkCupid

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I had only bad experiences there - but that could just be me.

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It's a huge site, so it has the pro of having a huge pool to pull from, but you'll need to do a lot of the work yourself. But that's not really unlike real life, it's just everyone's dirty laundry is aired instead of you having to go on a couple of dates to find out the person is not for you.

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OKCupid was an interesting experience in the past. There really don't seem like a lot of ways to connect with other asexuals at the moment, so I've been thinking of rejoining, now that I know myself better and asexual is an option there. And because now I can be 100% honest about what a nutcase I am. XD I wonder how many people I can scare away with my dolls...

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I've never used it so I can't give any personal experiences. I've heard a bunch of bad things about it but I've also heard quite a few good things about it too. The bad stories definitely outweighed the good stories though. I suppose it has its pros and cons just like everything else.

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My profile is set to purely asexual, so people cannot find me after searching for a heterosexual or other kind of sexual woman

I think your profile can be found by anyone despite of the asexual setting. I tried it: If somebody is looking for:

Men looking for Women

the asexual profiles are shown as well. Or a I missing something??

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El-not-so-ace

Love it. :) If you answer truthfully, you'll be more likely to be matched up with less sexual people if that's an important aspect. Plus, you can search with the asexual keyword and find people that way too!

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The_Halfmoon

It's alright. Skews very young.

Which would be ok with me, but they don't let you message users who have their age limits restricted

Since I'm a creepy ageist, this is bad for me. But it's probably a great feature for women who get messages from creepy ageists.

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Wendy Testaburger

I met the person I'm in love with on OkCupid (though we're not a couple now)

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Someone Else

As flawed as profiles and match questions are, it seems like it _should_ be better than just randomly 'flailing" at the local bar or something, picking people at random and trying to hit on them. In fact, the "real life" hit on people thing seems beyond insane. People really do that? Ask someone without the aid of match questions and a profile? Detecting deal breakers takes moments on okcupid, which might take several dates at least in real life wtihout such aids. Crazy. ;)

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HORRIBLE. Have dabbled on and off since 2008, met a few guys, only led to meaningless flings and brief relationships with weirdos. I'm off permanently now, because I work in a field where I know a fair amount of people in my community, and I don't want my clients seeing me on a dating site. It only works for a certain kind of person, of which I am not. I've had girl friends tell me, "Oh, I get like 30 messages a day." For me, I had about 5 a week, even when I had attractive professional photos up. Without those I'd have maybe 3 responses a week, and from inarticulate people who couldn't spell or write more than 3 words. It's a WASTE OF TIME, DON'T JOIN.

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3 responses in half a year would be fantastic for me, and I'd have throw out dozens and dozens of (I hope) thoughtful, personalized messages to my highest matches. I'm clearly not a good catch, and it's never fun to have this reinforced so thoroughly, so, at best, I have a love-hate relationship with okcupid. :p
But in real life, all I've got are "u r pretty" since they don't have profiles in real life obviously. I barely understand okcupid-style dating, and I don't understand real life dating at all. How does that even work, randomly hitting on strangers until something works? I wish we had profiles in real life. ;)

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I met the person I'm in love with on OkCupid (though we're not a couple now)

...so you're stalking them or just broke up?

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Autumn Season

Can I just add something I've been noticing - imo disturbingly - often? There seem to be a lot of people on okc who id as asexual and require sex in their relationships. There are actually aces on okc with whom I'm less compatible in regard to sex than with heterosexuals. Just this week two aces looked at my profile and I was like "Cool, slowly but surely more aces register in okc!". Then I looked at their profiles and meh. Need sex 1-2 times a week? Why? I thought we were compatible! TT^TT

I don't know if it's important or not, but only men look at my profile. (Even though I'm searching for friendships.) So I almost only know about what male aces on okc are doing. Women might or might not behave differently.

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