BlakeQuinn00 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I want to start dating and am intereste in trying a online dating site to help it along. Can anyone who has had experiance tell me what they think of OkCupid? Is it good/bad, safe? Link to post Share on other sites
DigitalBookDust Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I don't know how old you are, but I found it to be a complete waste of time. Perhaps it's different for younger folks. I went there to find someone in my area for casual dating/friendship/queerplatonic relationship. I set my parameters so that men couldn't contact me, which did weed out a lot spammers/scammers. I liked that you could do that. But once I indicated that I was asexual, I got not a single response. Of course, I refuse to write a cookie-cutter generic profile full of the usual BS about being "honest, a good person, and an animal lover" and "enjoying long walks on the beach" (gag-plus I don't!), and this puts people off. Heaven forbid they actually have to THINK a bit to respond! I've found most OLD to be sad depressing places and frankly not worth much at all. I wish you better luck than I had! Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I liked it. (late 30s back then). Good? / safe? - depends mainly on you! OK its made from user generated psycho tests, computer generated "matches" and profiles of those matches. - No clue if its efficient or if its wise to leave a soul-strip tease connected to your mug shot online. <- Toss a coin question? - Anyhow to me it seemed exciting / nice pass time back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Agape Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's alright... I've had some good dates from OkCupid, and a six month (or so) relationship. Have yet to be killed by an axe murderer. I know the experience is wildly different depending on your gender and race though. Ladies get a lot of creepers... Link to post Share on other sites
DeletedUser Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I love it! You can choose asexual (and various other sexual identity options). My profile cannot be seen by straight ppl, so that's a safety measure you could take. And I'm very explicit about my identity so assholes don't message me lol. I'm just interested in some solidarity and having online convos, though, so idk- your mileage will vary depending on what you're looking for. There are definitely more young adults ID-ing w non-normative sexualities and genders if that impacts your decision. I think it's fun to learn about people and meet others with similar identities and interests! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's alright... I've had some good dates from OkCupid, and a six month (or so) relationship. Have yet to be killed by an axe murderer. I know the experience is wildly different depending on your gender and race though. Ladies get a lot of creepers... Everybody gets lots of creepers. I found it to be full of shallow people who all had the same cookie-cutter profiles with the same old crap. When I tried to be different and really talk about me, I did even worse. The most I ever got out of it, after years of on-and-off trying was one fizzled friendship. People continue to swear by it though. Including my old boss who met her now fiancee there. So who knows. It is what you make it I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
""" Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Oh dont get me wrong, but I feel like okcupid is for desperate people :lol: just an opinion lol :P Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Try the meetup groups instead. You'll still get creepers, but the nice thing about meetups is it's harder for people to pretend to be something they're not. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeze Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 After explicitly stating that I'm ace, I haven't had any issues with it. I also haven't had any success. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Oh dont get me wrong, but I feel like okcupid is for desperate people :lol: just an opinion lol :P how rude. Aseuxals have a very limited dating pool, asexualitic costs money, and acebook is dead. There are a lot of asexuals on Okcupid, and actually plenty of interesting sexual people too you just have to do the searches right to filter out the riff-raff. Maybe you have a huge dating pool in your area, in which case you'd have no reason to use OKcupid, but not everyone does. it's no more desperate than joining any other site specifically for the purpose of meeting people online. and that's not desperate at all, just different. Okay? different, not desperate. Not all of us want to go out to parties and bars to socialize with other people. You shouldn't be so quick to judge others. I've met lots of interesting people on OKcupid and get contacted (mainly by men) who are genuinely interested in learning more about asexuality etc. You gotta have good pics (not hot necessarily , I mean good, interesting pics) and make sure you have your profile info filled out. And you have to answer questions (just skip the ones you don't like) because that builds your personality profile (mine is spot on) and increases your match points. Every time you answer question, your profile becomes visible on main feed, so that's a great way to more visibility too. And just don't reply to any one-line messages (hi how are you? - they clearly haven't read your profile and just send generic messages to every person who matches their orientation) or to guys who are clearly from Uganda etc (I'm not being racist, literally 99.9% of those men are scammers and you need to stay the hell away from them) and to people who don't have much profile info. Those people are a waste of time pretty much. Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I say good. I met a girl on it Link to post Share on other sites
012 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 "Asexuals have a very limited dating pool" - possibly the understatement of the century. And try being 40-something... I've probably got a better chance of winning the lottery. Link to post Share on other sites
ponz Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Terrible site. The questions are shallow and mostly meaningless, and about half (if not more) are extremely personal sex questions. The matching is a joke. Also, they've publicly admitted to lying to members about their match percentage and performed other unethical actions as an experiment. I wouldn't trust that site. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnCarizma Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I 've never tried the site but it has good reputation out there ,OkCupid (OKC) stands out because it is one of the biggest dating sites out there. It's has 30 million active users, with a million logging in every day. So, even if you think there’s only a million to one chance someone will date you, in theory, there’s a man/woman/omnisexual on here for you. Sound promising? Well, strangely, it's actually one of the immediate problems with OKC. The site as an absolute hive of polyamorous kinksters, furries and other assorted people at the odd end of the dating site pool. It seems that the world's more extreme sexual daters have found safety in the OKC numbers game and gathered in one place to pester each other Link to post Share on other sites
MissLunarWolf Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I tried it, and I got WAY too many messages from people I'd call incompatible (but they didn't have an asexual option, at least when I checked (or maybe I just didn't see it))... I might reopen my profile.. maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Ooops, after 7 years I managed to reconstruct my password (yay for lack of creativity) and noticed: OKcupid isn't what it used to be. - With the user generated tests gone its just your average meat market. Anyhow, I wouldn't know why others should be any better.. Link to post Share on other sites
wakeywakey Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I had a period where I would go on an okc date every week or two. They were always fun and the people really interesting, I can't think of any that were bad experiences. I never followed up with someone after a date, though. While nothing every came from it, all I really wanted was a little socialization so in a way it worked out for me at least. That said, I have yet to receive a message from someone since I bothered to change my orientation to asexual. Well, other than the ones where the person obviously didn't read the profile. -Linde Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 It worked for me! I've made several posts about this topic in other threads: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/112253-asexuality-and-online-dating-sites/?p=1061036745 http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/32900-dating-sites/page-14#entry1061143088 http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/114303-thinking-about-dating/#entry1061098263 http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/112253-asexuality-and-online-dating-sites/#entry1061037065 Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 For me I have bad luck on dating sites so I will be deleting my account soon. I just attract weird men for some reason. It's good that it works for some people though. Link to post Share on other sites
if-indeed Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 My profile on OKC states several times that I'm asexual and only looking for friends. While I do sometimes get weird messages, I've also met several people through OKC who have become good friends to me! I'm not sure what it's like if you're looking for someone to date, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Touchofinsight Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 From my experience its better then most. It has a lot of good tools and then just a lot of run of the mill defaults. One thing I have found however about online dating in general is just how often people use the sites as a streamline for relationships. The users on these sites are far more likely to want to speed up the getting to know you process and get into the relationship phase. I won't put a negative connotation like "Desperate" on it but I have often felt like people were rushing towards their objective whether that be sex or an actual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleN Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I joined years ago and got flooded by a whole lot of nonsense messages that you usually expect from Okcupid. I rejoined yesterday when I heard there was a "asexual" portion. There were so few people in that section though but oh well! Feel free to check out my profile and laugh http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Dorkasour?cf=profile So far I am still getting messages with "Hey," but still getting "likes" so yay? Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I've been using OKC for a month now and it's been fun so far. I'm using it from the computer, ignoring the quickmatch. My profile is set to purely asexual, so people cannot find me after searching for a heterosexual or other kind of sexual woman. People who contact me are usually respectful. Those who obviously haven't read my profile or behave in a way I don't like I tend to ignore. I don't need them. :) By now, I have found several people, including allo- and asexuals, whom I like chatting with. Also, I'm going to meet a person next weekend for the first time on a date. :) He's hetero, but I don't mind trying in his case. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I'm using it from the computer, ignoring the quickmatch. That's quite important indeed - manual selection ftw, gives you the necessary control Link to post Share on other sites
Apostle of Carlin Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 OKCupid is better than most of the other dating sites out there. On OKCupid, at least, you can openly set your orientation to asexual, and that right there will probably improve matches (assuming OKCupid's not psychologically experimenting on you.) I've had a couple good dates from OKCupid interactions. But for the most part, Internet dating has some problems. The guys will most likely be sending a lot of messages out and getting few responses, and the girls will get flooded, and have to deal with creeps. And then there's crap like catfishing... And I've never had enough patience to deal with that. Being ace, I don't have the motivation. Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeQuinn00 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Wow these responses are great an good varitey of opinions for me!! Now i am wondering about getting some advice on my profile photo cause i am very reluctant to put my image up, so any photo safety tips? Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 A lot of women find themselves getting harassed by creepy men, and a lot of men find it almost impossible to get a woman to write back -- there are exceptions of course, but these are the stories I've heard most often. It doesn't work for me, I don't "compete" well with other guys on paper/on profile, etc. As for the questions being lame, I used to think so, but now I've found that even the dumb questions are useful, as they weed out the people you wouldn't want. Lots of sex questions? Cool, choose the most asexual of the answers, and you'll weed out the horny people. Ignore the ones that somehow have absolutely nothing in the answers that you like or hate, that's why there's an option to skip. But yeah, ridiculous questions are still useful, because someone out there is answering them in a way that would be incompatible with you, all too often. I suspect that there's almost no danger of putting your picture up unless you used your real name, or are afraid that your profile will be seen by someone you know in real life (and don't want this to happen.) People won't somehow magically track you down with evil intent just because they saw a picture online unless somehow it can be connected to your name/address. Link to post Share on other sites
IvoryStardust Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 It's ok (no pun intended), but I just deactivated my acct because I don't feel I need it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Ana Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think with any dating site, you will get an few odd messages. Just delete, maybe block. Don't meet in person until you have spent a certain amount of time chatting, and have a friend at least know where/when you are meeting some internet person in case he turns out to be an ax murderer, but most creepers can be ruled out easily, and blocked. You can also browse invisibly, so fewer see your profile. I like that they have a lot of search options as well as a wider set of sexualities because you can search more for things that are important to you in a relationship (I found it to have one of the most developed search features like this at least a couple years ago) and then chat to see how authentic they are. If it catches your interest, you can set up a profile with only some information and see if it looks promising before you start writing much about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Now i am wondering about getting some advice on my profile photo cause i am very reluctant to put my image up, so any photo safety tips? I enjoy costumes, so, I originally had skeleton make-up on in my main photo (less recognizable to anyone who may know me offline) and then had a regular photo of me in the "photos" section. Link to post Share on other sites
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