VicFury Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Hey AVEN! I'm in a bit of a tough situation here and I need you wise owls to give me some advice on what to do. Essentially, I'm asexual (biromantic). My best friend is pansexual. I know, polar opposites more or less. But the phrase "opposites attract" rings true here, because my issue is that I'm romantically attracted to this friend and would probably even go as far as to say I love them. They are newly single and have questioned me on what our relationship would be like if we dated as they are "just curious". I really do like this friend but I think I would feel wrong or selfish if I dated them because I can't necessarily give them everything they want, yet I feel like I would kick myself if I didn't because I think about them literally all the time :( What would you guys suggest/what would you do in this situation? Has anyone experienced anything similar? Thank you for reading this! Link to post Share on other sites
FoxEars Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I would definitely recommend pursuing a romantic relationship with this friend; right from the outset, though, you have to explain very clearly that you know there may be some sexual incompatibility, and you understand that most likely both of you will have to make compromises / sacrifices of some sort in order to make things work (and also be sure to specify how much you personally are or aren't willing to sexually compromise, if you know. If you don't know, make that clear); however, there have been successful 'mixed' relationships before, so if they're willing to give it a go, you are. ^ FoxEars ^ Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Hmm, at this point in my life I am realizing time goes by. I think as much as it sucks to have love turn to heartache, it better than dealing with the pain of regret. Another way to look at it is to get it over with. I think once we do what we feel you want to do, it takes the pressure off. Like when you have to give a speech, all the pressure is there, but once it is over, good or bad, you can move on with your life because you got it done. Plus a date is a nice safe alternative to other things. You test the waters. If it doesn't work for you, be honest, with yourself and the person, and tell them it just didn't feel right. I it does, enjoy your time together, and take it day by day. I hope some of this helps. Have a beautiful day. Link to post Share on other sites
Zash Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's better to know something will never be than to wonder if it could have been. I would say tell her how you see the relationship working, and where there is wiggle room. What your best case scenario would be, and areas you are willing to compromise on (amount of sex, willing to let them go outside of the relationship for sex, etc). They sound interested, and they are trying to feel out your position on the whole dating thing. Though, one thing that you might want to keep an eye on... They have just broken up, and may be rebounding, so, perhaps you should give them a bit to sort themselves out. I'm not saying ignore them, but, be there for them as a friend first, and maybe in a week or two (I have no idea how long it takes someone to recover out of the rebound stage), have a more serious discussion about it. Link to post Share on other sites
VicFury Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 It's better to know something will never be than to wonder if it could have been. I would say tell her how you see the relationship working, and where there is wiggle room. What your best case scenario would be, and areas you are willing to compromise on (amount of sex, willing to let them go outside of the relationship for sex, etc). They sound interested, and they are trying to feel out your position on the whole dating thing. Though, one thing that you might want to keep an eye on... They have just broken up, and may be rebounding, so, perhaps you should give them a bit to sort themselves out. I'm not saying ignore them, but, be there for them as a friend first, and maybe in a week or two (I have no idea how long it takes someone to recover out of the rebound stage), have a more serious discussion about it. Thank you Zash! This is good advice, I will wait a while and if my thoughts haven't changed I will discuss things with them. I guess I'll have to be honest anyway at some point. I do kind of hope they are interested but at the same time I don't want to mention anything because I'm scared. Oh well, maybe I'll work up the guts at some point! Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
VicFury Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I would definitely recommend pursuing a romantic relationship with this friend; right from the outset, though, you have to explain very clearly that you know there may be some sexual incompatibility, and you understand that most likely both of you will have to make compromises / sacrifices of some sort in order to make things work (and also be sure to specify how much you personally are or aren't willing to sexually compromise, if you know. If you don't know, make that clear); however, there have been successful 'mixed' relationships before, so if they're willing to give it a go, you are. ^ FoxEars ^ Thank you FoxEars! I think I would like to pursue a romantic relationship with this friend and I think I will have to emphasize that because it would be the first time a situation like this has happened for me, I don't know how much I would be willing to compromise (or not). I just hope we would be able to work something out! Link to post Share on other sites
VicFury Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Hmm, at this point in my life I am realizing time goes by. I think as much as it sucks to have love turn to heartache, it better than dealing with the pain of regret. Another way to look at it is to get it over with. I think once we do what we feel you want to do, it takes the pressure off. Like when you have to give a speech, all the pressure is there, but once it is over, good or bad, you can move on with your life because you got it done. Plus a date is a nice safe alternative to other things. You test the waters. If it doesn't work for you, be honest, with yourself and the person, and tell them it just didn't feel right. I it does, enjoy your time together, and take it day by day. I hope some of this helps. Have a beautiful day. Thank you Argar! I will let myself think about this for a little while and then decide what to do but I think I will end up going ahead with it and telling my friend how I feel about them. Have a beautiful day yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
JohnCarizma Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 i see to let her know what are your feeling towards her and what you 're really afraid of to happen have the guts and tell them what you have it will make thinks clear don't be scared have a serious discussion that's will really be helpful hopefully Link to post Share on other sites
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