Am I asexual?

[ChimericalSerenity]

I know this is one of the most overrated questions on here, but I've looked through several of the topics here, and none of them actually match up to my situation. I do have a perfectly normal sex drive, but the idea of sex is too intimate and too raw for something for me to enjoy. I'm a virgin and have not yet been in a serious relationship before. The idea of being in a relationship with someone or being sensual with someone is something I think about that sometimes and, on occasion, arouses me, but some part of me knows that intercourse would not.

Adding on, I do masturbate frequently and watch pornography to do so. Adding on, I feel attracted to and aroused at the sight of people having sex. However, the thought of actually participating in intercourse is something that turns me off. In a relationship, however, I seriously want someone who has an admittedly lower sex-drive or someone who respects my limits, and I have never truly felt sexual attraction towards someone I know. Usually, brief sexual attraction may occur when I see a stranger, but once I get to know a person, I never truly think about them in a sexual way. Thinking about someone I know in a sexual way kind of disgusts me, in a weird way.

I know that my sexuality can only be determined by myself, but right now, I'm struggling to find a definition for it. Is this asexuality, or something else? I had have thoughts that I may be self-asexual, but I do feel sexual attraction, though rare, so I'm not too sure.

Anyone going through a similar situation or someone willing to give some help?

[Archon]

A lot of asexuals masturbate and/or watch pornography, so that alone doesn't make you sexual.

Experiencing arousal from thinking about or watching other people engaging in sexual activity, but not wanting to be involved yourself, happens for many asexuals. This experience is often described by the terms autochorissexuality or aegosexuality.

You said that you have never felt sexual attraction towards someone you know. Do you mean that you only want to have sex with people you don't know very well, or that you don't want to follow through on any sexual activities with anyone?

[FoxEars]

Welcome to AVEN, darling! ^_^ :cake:

For sure, I can't determine your sexuality for you -- but to me, parts of this are very ace and parts of it are quite not-ace. Given that, my best guess is that you're grey-asexual of some sort, maybe somewhat sex-repulsed as well.

As Archon said, even a full-blown asexual can (although doesn't necessarily) have a normal or even above-normal sex drive, experience arousal, masturbate, appreciate pornography, etc..

Given that you experience sexual attraction only with strangers, I'd like to present the possibility -- of course I don't know this and I'm not trying to convince you of anything -- that what you're experiencing is more of an æsthetic attraction, and is simply mistaken for sexual attraction because according to most of the world, æsthetic and sexual attractions are the same thing (although they're not). This would probably put you more in the 'asexual' category rather than 'grey-asexual'. The only reason I suggest this is that it seems a bit more consistent with your other experiences of sexual attraction, and you certainly wouldn't be the first asexual to have that confusion. On the other hand, I'm not trying to invalidate the sexual attraction you do experience, if in fact it is sexual attraction.

^ FoxEars ^

[ChimericalSerenity]

Hmm. Is there any possibility that I'm not actually asexual? I'm still pretty young, so I'm hesitant to label myself as an 'asexual' yet because it might be because at this stage, I'm just not ready for sex yet. I'm not too sure if other peers feel the same way, because the people that I'm friends with don't really talk about sex. It's not really interesting to me or any of my friends. At least, conversation-wise. Does that make sense?

[ChimericalSerenity]

I'd like to present the possibility -- of course I don't know this and I'm not trying to convince you of anything -- that what you're experiencing is more of an æsthetic attraction, and is simply mistaken for sexual attraction because according to most of the world, æsthetic and sexual attractions are the same thing (although they're not).

I kind of get where you're coming from, but I do feel aroused sometimes when I interact with strangers. I'm not sure if this shows that what I'm feeling is sexual attraction, and I'm hesitant to label it as aesthetic attraction because I do feel arousal for them. However, I've never felt this towards people I know well.

Adding on, I'm kind of uneasy about this; it's hard for me to like anyone in a romantic sense. It's been around two, three years since I've ever had any romantic inclinations towards others. I think being in a relationship too intimate, and I'm scared of people hurting me if I trust them. But a part of me still wants to be in a relationship.

Maybe there's a psychological part of me that doesn't want to get too close to people because I'm scared that if I take things further things will end badly. Eh.