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Asexual/Aromantic or just confused?


A Place With A Tree

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A Place With A Tree

Im 15 years old and not sure if im asexual. The definition is a person who does not feel sexual attraction, and it doesnt really help. I mean what is even sexual attraction? What i have understood its when you want to have sex or do something sexual with a person. Do you really just get urge to have sex when you see someone? In that case i dont feel anything, it just sounds like bullshit to me.

I do sometimes fantasize. I dont even know if this makes any sense, but when i fantasize its not about me. I dont see myself kissing or holding hands with anyone. Usually its fictional characters from tv and books. Like, i used to love numb3rs and watched every episode, i especially loved Charlie in it. He was sweet, kind and really smart. I thought that i would really like to know this person. I found him handsome, like the way i fould like to draw his potrait. Anyway, in the series Charlie is dating this other character named Amita. Amita was strong indepent woman, she was also a genius and i thought that they were really cute together. Sometimes i would imagine them kissing, having romsntic dinner and even having sex. I would get little aroused imagining them having sex, but i would be disgusted if i would actually watch them having sex. Does this make any sense? This only works when i like the way they look, act together and personality alltogether. It doesnt matter wich genger they are, male and male, female and female or male and female. I have no idea what this means. Does it make me sexual?

I dont reslly get urge to do anything with people. When i see beutiful woman i want take her picture or draw her potrait, same with men. I dont even get an urge to kiss or touch someone, i rarely even want to hug anyone. I think i have had crushes, but its always been hard for me to seperate romantic and platonic from each other. I have just thought that if its a boy its crush and if its a girl its just strong feeling of friendship. I never gotten celebrity crushes, or had this love at first sight type of thing never understood it either.

All i know that sometimes when i see someone i get this really strong want to talk to them, know everything about them and be their friend. Is that a squish? Because if it is then that means all my crushes have been squishes. Im not sure how to explain it, sometimes i get it at first sight (usually girl), and i get this feeling that i would really like being friends with this person, when i feel this with a person we usually are better friends than when i dont. Sometimes its after getting to know them (boys), and it just suddenly gets really strong. I just think that:"Wow, hes so funny and nice and we get along so great, i want know him more. How didnt i see that?", when this happens i have usually thought i developed a crush on my male friend.

It doesnt involve any urge to be physical with them, i get nervous sometimes when i see them, especially if i havent seen them in a while and i do get little jealous about their attention. I have tried kissing and hand holding with some of these crushes/squishes. Kissing on the cheeck was akward but kinda okay, holding hands was uncomfortable because of sweat and kissing on the mouth was just plain gross. Does this mean im aromantic too? Or have i been just too young to get it? Im confused, please help me.

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I can't prescribe any labels for you and how you identify is completely your choice. That being said, I completely relate to everything you said, and your experience describes me almost perfectly, so you might be aro ace like myself.

Im 15 years old and not sure if im asexual. The definition is a person who does not feel sexual attraction, and it doesnt really help. I mean what is even sexual attraction? What i have understood its when you want to have sex or do something sexual with a person. Do you really just get urge to have sex when you see someone? In that case i dont feel anything, it just sounds like bullshit to me.

Actually, yes, that's what sexual attraction is. It sounds crazy to people who have never experienced it, but yeah, most people get urges to have sex with other people.

I do sometimes fantasize. I dont even know if this makes any sense, but when i fantasize its not about me. I dont see myself kissing or holding hands with anyone. Usually its fictional characters from tv and books. Like, i used to love numb3rs and watched every episode, i especially loved Charlie in it. He was sweet, kind and really smart. I thought that i would really like to know this person. I found him handsome, like the way i fould like to draw his potrait. Anyway, in the series Charlie is dating this other character named Amita. Amita was strong indepent woman, she was also a genius and i thought that they were really cute together. Sometimes i would imagine them kissing, having romsntic dinner and even having sex. I would get little aroused imagining them having sex, but i would be disgusted if i would actually watch them having sex. Does this make any sense? This only works when i like the way they look, act together and personality alltogether. It doesnt matter wich genger they are, male and male, female and female or male and female. I have no idea what this means. Does it make me sexual?

Asexuals can fantasize about sex and many even masturbate, so certainly just imagining characters having sex doesn't make you sexual, especially if you wouldn't want to be sexually involved with either character yourself. A lot of aces fantasize about sexual activities but don't personally want to be involved in them. Some people use the terms autochorrisexuality/aegosexuality to describe this disconnect between the object of arousal and oneself that many aces experience.

I dont reslly get urge to do anything with people. When i see beutiful woman i want take her picture or draw her potrait, same with men. I dont even get an urge to kiss or touch someone, i rarely even want to hug anyone. I think i have had crushes, but its always been hard for me to seperate romantic and platonic from each other. I have just thought that if its a boy its crush and if its a girl its just strong feeling of friendship. I never gotten celebrity crushes, or had this love at first sight type of thing never understood it either.

Appreciating someone's beauty is called aesthetic attraction, and it is separate from sexual attraction and romantic attraction. If you just want to take someone's picture or draw their portrait, you may be aesthetically attracted to them but not sexually or romantically attracted. Aesthetic attraction is just like appreciating a beautiful garden. You can appreciate how the garden looks even though you don't want to have sex with it.

All i know that sometimes when i see someone i get this really strong want to talk to them, know everything about them and be their friend. Is that a squish? Because if it is then that means all my crushes have been squishes. Im not sure how to explain it, sometimes i get it at first sight (usually girl), and i get this feeling that i would really like being friends with this person, when i feel this with a person we usually are better friends than when i dont. Sometimes its after getting to know them (boys), and it just suddenly gets really strong. I just think that:"Wow, hes so funny and nice and we get along so great, i want know him more. How didnt i see that?", when this happens i have usually thought i developed a crush on my male friend.

That sounds like a squish to me. A squish is an intense desire to get to know someone platonically, so feeling a strong urge to get to know someone more as a friend would be a squish.

It doesnt involve any urge to be physical with them, i get nervous sometimes when i see them, especially if i havent seen them in a while and i do get little jealous about their attention. I have tried kissing and hand holding with some of these crushes/squishes. Kissing on the cheeck was akward but kinda okay, holding hands was uncomfortable because of sweat and kissing on the mouth was just plain gross. Does this mean im aromantic too? Or have i been just too young to get it? Im confused, please help me.

I've tried kissing and hand holding with a squish (that I thought was a crush) and I found it really awkward. I just didn't get anything out of kissing or anything romantic really. You might be aromantic like me. No, you're not too young to get it. You probably would've experienced sexual/romantic attraction by your age.

As I said before, I can't label you, but you sound a lot like me and I am aro ace. Feel free to ask me any other questions. :)

Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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A Place With A Tree

Thank you! It feels good to be welcomed somewhere. :D

I didnt know aesthetic attraction was a seperate thing, that explain actually a lot of things. Usually people think that finding someone handsome or beautiful means that they want to date or have sex with him/her. I think that has been the main cause of my confusion, because i do find people good looking, i just dont want to do anything other than look at them.

I do have some questions about squishes. Can they be just for momentarily? Like you feel for a while urge to talk someone and be friends with someone but it goes away if you dont act on it? Or if you do become friends with them can it wade away with time, become weaker? I do have one that have gone reaally long time. Like currently i have one on my close friends, it was the first sight kind and i met her when i was 7 1/2 and i still have squish on her. So, can they be both kind? Also can they go away if you realize the person is really mean and/or you dont get along after all? I know thats a lot of questions and you dont have to answer.

I feel really akward and uncomfortable about any romantic and/or sexual advances. And when i was dating my "crushes" i realized afterwards that my actions werent any diffrent from the time i was dating them from the time we were friends. Like, he had to be the one who holded my hand, and i was just "okay, i quess if you want to...", and when we kissed i actually didnt want kiss him, i just didnt want to hur his feelings by saying no. Both times we actually broke up after a week, him saying that i wasnt really into it and we became just friends again. That does sound like aromantic i quess.. And if someone tries to hit on me i usually get just really akward and think they do it because their friends made him do it and they will just laugh about it afterwards. Untill finding asexuality and aromantism i just thought i was too young to feel comfortable doing those kind of things, that it was just wrong people i was dating, or that i was just too nervous/unsure because i lacked experience..

Im more and more thinking im atleast gray aromantic asexual. Thank you for your help, even if you cant tell me my sexuality this has helped me a lot. I think im going to spend some time with this community in future.

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