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Physical reaction during sexual situations and asexuality


Francoise Wang

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Francoise Wang

(TMI warning)

I'm female and I identify as heteromantic asexual. And only had relationship and sex with men.

But recently I found out that when I imagine myself in a situation of heterosexual sex (like when I'm reading a book, and there's description of heterosexual sex, and I think about what would be like if I were character in the book), I would have some physical reaction on my genital (it feels like a twitch on my clitoris). But my body won't have any reaction when I imagine myself in a situation of homosexual sex, or masturbating, or using sex toys. I really don't know why.

I still don't think it's sexual attraction. Because imagining that wouldn't make me mentally excited, I'm not interested in fantasizing about sex. And who the men is in my imagination is not important, he can be any men I know in reality, or just a nameless and faceless body with a male genital, or even imagine I'm the man doing sexual things to a woman, and my body would have the same reaction. Also I won't have an urge to do anything (such as to masturbate, or to try that situation in real life) when I'm having this physical reaction (although I masturbate regularly).

I've thought for a while about "would I want to be in this situation in real life?" when I'm imagining those situation of heterosexual sex, and the conclusion is "meh, I'm indifferent to that" (I've always been sex-positive). Also I've actually been in situations of heterosexual sex a lot, but so far I've never had that kind of physical reaction (also never be mentally excited, aroused, or have an urge to do anything) when I was in situations of heterosexual sex in real life.

But the question is, I'm afraid that if oneday I have that physical reaction when I'm in a situation of heterosexual sex in real life, would that make me "not asexual" (even if I don't have an urge to do anything)? I think it's not impossible to happen in the future, because I really don't know how my genital functions and why it functions this way, I can't control my physical reaction (and it's annoying to me, because I'm not excited by the imaginations of sex, but my body has physical sensations, although it's not physically uncomfortable, but it's disturbing).

Is there any asexual who also have some kind of physical reaction during certain sexual situations in real life (not just by directly stimulating their genitals)? Or people would be sexual if their body reacts that way?

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It's just sexual arousal (an erection). Studies show that asexual women experience it when they watch porn, just like other women. It's physiological, nothing more.

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Autumn Season

Why would you be "afraid" to not be asexual anymore? Would that be a bad thing for you?

Also, reacting to sexual stimulation and wanting to have sex with a specific person are two different things, as far as I know.

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Hm.. I get the argument that sometimes you just get aroused randomly without "trigger" and that's entirely physiological. However, when the arousal is a reaction to something you imagine, read about, look at, etc.. doesn't that, by definition, mean it's also mental?

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What stimuli can trigger a reaction varies by person. Some require the actual touching. Some are so sensitive to touch even their clothes can do it. Some are triggered into arousal by a smell. Or a painting. Or even anxiety can cause arousal in some people, so any time they're fearful or anxious it happens. This is why I hate the attraction definition... most people would say looking at someone (or fantasizing about someone) causing arousal = sexual attraction. But, if you do not (innately) desire sex (partnered sexual interaction, not just PiV), I don't think arousal towards people, porn or fantasies really matters.

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Francoise Wang

Hm.. I get the argument that sometimes you just get aroused randomly without "trigger" and that's entirely physiological. However, when the arousal is a reaction to something you imagine, read about, look at, etc.. doesn't that, by definition, mean it's also mental?

I'm not sure, because I also have experience what I think is "mental arousal". But it's very rare, only a few times a year. And I won't feel a twitch on my clitoris, but would suddenly feel a strong urge to masturbate (it's like an itch on my genital), and also my genital would become very sensitive so I can have orgasm much easier than usual. And it has never been triggered by sex-related reason. It can only be triggered when I'm under a big stress. Before I identify as asexual, I've always thought it's strange, because why would being under stress make me want to masturbate? Now I define "mental arousal" as having the urge to masturbate (not sure if my definition is correct).

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Francoise Wang

Why would you be "afraid" to not be asexual anymore? Would that be a bad thing for you?

Also, reacting to sexual stimulation and wanting to have sex with a specific person are two different things, as far as I know.

I think I'm afraid to not be asexual because I have no innate desire for partnered sex (no matter being asexual or not).

So if I'm asexual, it's very reasonable that I'm this way.

But if I'm a sexual person who have no innate desire for partnered sex, I would feel that I'm just "a weird person".

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Mental arousal? I think what Tarfeather meant was hormonal arousal and arousal from a bodily reaction to erotica (which does not automatically mean sexual attraction to the people in it but can be a bodily reaction to the suggestion of sexual pleasure; you see the implication of G-spots being hit so your G-spots want to be hit too). Both of which technically happen through the brain. Calling it mental is misleading. Sexual attraction is toward another person; their existance sexually arouses you and you desire to do sexual things to/with that person. Strong emotions and stress can triger sexual desire; for sex or masturbation; your mind is overwhelmed and sex is a calming release so a desire for it is trigered to counteract that. It can make your arousal and release stronger than normal.

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This happens to me often. For me it's a sort of female erection that I can't control.

TMI:

If I see scenes with sex in movies, read about it, or even look at pornographic images I feel stimulated but my mind itself has little to no interest in acting on that stimulation. I often have a lot of sex dreams, almost every night in which I wake with orgasm or female erection but almost always shrug it off as it seems like no big deal to me. For me it's almost like anything else in my life "Well I experiences a sex dream this morning," is the same thing as "I just went to the bathroom and peed"

I am not repulsed when I wake up, I don't become repulsed when I look at pornographic images I just have so little interest in what is happening but my body thinks otherwise.

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Francoise Wang

This happens to me often. For me it's a sort of female erection that I can't control.

TMI:

If I see scenes with sex in movies, read about it, or even look at pornographic images I feel stimulated but my mind itself has little to no interest in acting on that stimulation. I often have a lot of sex dreams, almost every night in which I wake with orgasm or female erection but almost always shrug it off as it seems like no big deal to me. For me it's almost like anything else in my life "Well I experiences a sex dream this morning," is the same thing as "I just went to the bathroom and peed"

I am not repulsed when I wake up, I don't become repulsed when I look at pornographic images I just have so little interest in what is happening but my body thinks otherwise.

I'm curious about what does female erection feels like. Because female erection is not as visually obvious as male erection, so I always don't know whether I'm experiencing female erection or not. Is there a certain physical sensation while having female erection? Just curious.

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Calling it mental is misleading.

I don't know what should be misleading about it. For us sexuals, sexual attraction also is not something we consciously want or make happen. It just happens - as you say, through hormones, subconscious processes, etc. Sometimes I literally just stand there and suddenly get a desire to do something to a woman and consciously hate it. I don't see how that would be any more or less "mental" than what the OP was describing.

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Francoise Wang

Calling it mental is misleading.

I don't know what should be misleading about it. For us sexuals, sexual attraction also is not something we consciously want or make happen. It just happens - as you say, through hormones, subconscious processes, etc. Sometimes I literally just stand there and suddenly get a desire to do something to a woman and consciously hate it. I don't see how that would be any more or less "mental" than what the OP was describing.

It may be off the topic, but just curious, why would you consciously hate it when you feel sexually attracted to some women?

And if you consciously hate it, would you wish you were asexual?

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It may be off the topic, but just curious, why would you consciously hate it when you feel sexually attracted to some women?

And if you consciously hate it, would you wish you were asexual?

One example: Because she's not a woman at all, but a girl, and it's not socially acceptable to be attracted to her at my age. Another example would be when she's not my type, but she dresses in a very revealing way that draws my attention anyway, despite not finding her beautiful. Or when I simply have other things to do, and don't want to be distracted by such things.

Hm, at the age of 13 I never wanted anything to do with the whole "love" thing. Back then, I would have wished to be asexual if I had had any idea what it meant (at that time I only knew about the concept of love from stuff like Disney movies and struggled a lot to understand my own feelings). But then I fell deeply in love and was rejected, and I think since that time I've always been trying to experience that great feeling that I thought I had missed, and wouldn't want to lose the ability to experience it. But yeah, at certain times, I do wish I was aro/ace.

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Mental arousal doesn't make sence to me. If you're saying mental sexual arousal then no. Being aroused by erotica does not mean you're mentally turned on; it's just your parts turning on after you see the suggestion of it's pleasure. Just getting aroused wouldn't be that, but masturbating could maybe be mental arousal because arousal just means an enticement; and some ppl are mentally enticed to satisfy their sexual arousal, the OP isn't.

Though i agree with Tarfeather's newest comment; many sexuals seem to understand Asexuality (the type that have arousal but no desire to have sex), or at least Lithsexuality, to some level with not wanting to be aroused by certain people.

@OP about female erection, here's a link; Graphic Warning. If you want a more precise answer to if you have one, then i suggest you look at that one.

Also, it takes females more time to find out what sexually works for them, so looking up where the G-spots are could help. "Unlike males – most of whom can 'come' easily from the moment they reach puberty – females will often spend a couple of years experimenting with their sexual feelings before they eventually learn how to climax regularly and reliably." The time it takes to reach orgasem also differs by person; some come within a few minutes and others an hour. Everyone's body is also different, so some G-spots can be more or less sensitive than others.

Otherwise, more simply put, Male arousal will lead to an erection and in female arousal, the body's response is engorged sexual tissues such as nipples, vulva, clitoris, vaginal walls and vaginal lubrication.

Female physiological response[edit]

The beginnings of sexual arousal in a woman's body is usually marked by vaginal lubrication (wetness), swelling and engorgement of the external genitals, and internal enlargement of the vagina.[5] There have been studies to find the degree of correlation between these physiological responses and the woman's subjective sensation of being sexually aroused: the findings usually are that in some cases there is a high correlation, while in others, it is surprisingly low.[6]

Further stimulation can lead to further vaginal wetness and further engorgement and swelling of the clitoris and the labia, along with increased redness or darkening of the skin in these areas. Further changes to the internal organs also occur including to the internal shape of the vagina and to the position of the uterus within the pelvis.[5] Other changes include an increase in heart rate as well as in blood pressure, feeling hot and flushed and perhaps experiencing tremors.[7] A sex flush may extend over the chest and upper body.

If sexual stimulation continues, then sexual arousal may peak into orgasm. After orgasm, some women do not want any further stimulation and the sexual arousal quickly dissipates. Suggestions have been published for continuing the sexual excitement and moving from one orgasm into further stimulation and maintaining or regaining a state of sexual arousal that can lead to second and subsequent orgasms.[8] Some women have experienced such multiple orgasms quite spontaneously.

While young women may become sexually aroused quite easily, and reach orgasm relatively quickly with the right stimulation in the right circumstances, there are physiological and psychological changes to women's sexual arousal and responses as they age. Older women produce less vaginal lubrication and studies have investigated changes to degrees of satisfaction, frequency of sexual activity, to desire, sexual thoughts and fantasies, sexual arousal, beliefs about and attitudes to sex, pain, and the ability to reach orgasm in women in their 40s and after menopause. Other factors have also been studied including socio-demographic variables, health, psychological variables, partner variables such as their partner's health or sexual problems, and lifestyle variables. It appears that these other factors often have a greater impact on women's sexual functioning than their menopausal status. It is therefore seen as important always to understand the "context of women's lives" when studying their sexuality.[9]

Reduced estrogen levels may be associated with increased vaginal dryness and less clitoral erection when aroused, but are not directly related to other aspects of sexual interest or arousal. In older women, decreased pelvic muscle tone may mean that it takes longer for arousal to lead to orgasm, may diminish the intensity of orgasms, and then cause more rapid resolution. The uterus typically contracts during orgasm and, with advancing age, those contractions may actually become painful.[9]

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