AmoebicMe Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Right. So I need to rant about this, because it's running around in my head and keeping me from sleeping. Probable TMI ahead. Sorry 'bout that. So it's my 300th post (w00t!), and I thought that I'd get something off my chest from tonight. I basically spent the day with a friend of mine as a precursor to our going out later. And I like her and whatnot, but ever since she's changed her major, she's been driving me up the freakin' wall. Guess what she changed her major to? Sexology. Yeah, I totally thought that she was joking when she first told me, but apparently it's a legitimate major. So whatever. She's so into sex (LES EWWWW) that she's decided to major in a psychology subcategory where she can study it. I can deal. Or so I thought! Now like, everytime I see her in a social situation (ie not just us), she brings up sex. Whether it be about her recent class trip to the local strip joint (whyyyyyy details? whyyyyyyy), or her family dinner-table discussions about her upcomng pap-smear (#1 why at the dinner table with your family?! #2 yes I know that, because you're under 25, this means that your sexually active with your decade-older-Marine-boyfriend, and I know that you know that I don't want to know), she feels the need to inform me. What, am I supposed to be jealous? It just bothers me because I've always been squeamish about hearing about sex explicitly, and I just don't care about hearing it anyways. And ever since she's aquired a penis in her life and has started to study teh sex0rz, she's all "OMGZ listen to me talk about sex!" And I think that's she's doing it especially around me because she *knows* that I'm an statistical anomaly (well, we are), and I think that she's trying different triggers in order to figure out what's "wrong" with me or something lame like that, 'cause I know that if she knew about asexuality she'd just be like, "oh. ok." And though at this point it'd seem logical for me to like, tell her or something cra-zay like that, just telling her would result in a conversation I'm not ready to have yet, as well as me being her eventual conversational fodder (probably not with friends, though highly possible in one of her crazy sex classes, where I'll no doubt be labeled as being disturbed or some shit like that). I like having her as a friend, as she's quite groovy when she's not all "OMGZ sex!" But aside from confronting her or ignoring her, I can't see a way to shut her up. Right now I've just been zoning out, but then I miss entire conversations and then she just repeats it. Grrraaaaaaaagggghhhh!!! WTF do I do? It's just soooo annoying and boring and played-out. She knows what my reaction to her comments will be, so why does she keep triggering me? /external rant. Link to post Share on other sites
Jael L Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 That sounds hellish, you have my sympathies. Have you thought about feigning interest in a colossally dull subject (just pick something that you know will bore her rigid) and droning on at length about it whenever she launches into her sex-spiels? She doesn't sound overly-bright but she may eventually make a connection between the two and stop harrassing you. (NB. I've used this method as a last resort to prevent someone hitting on me and it may work as a deterrent in your situation too.) Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 It's just soooo annoying and boring and played-out. She knows what my reaction to her comments will be, so why does she keep triggering me? Tell her this. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Heartilly Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Ouch. Something similar happened to an old friend of mine. We stopped being friends shortly after. Not saying this will happen to you, but does she know your feelings on the matter of sex? Link to post Share on other sites
hyperfine Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I have a friend who I swear sometimes tells me things to get a reaction from me but your friend sounds way more extreme. You have my sympathies. Link to post Share on other sites
Shoes Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Confronting her doesn't have to mean telling her you're A; just tell her in no uncertain terms that you think it's cool she's majoring in something she's interested in, etc, but that you REALLY don't want to be hearing about sex at every turn. If she agrees and then continues right on, start pointedly leaving or very unsubtly changing the subject whenever she brings up sex. Also, throwing around your theory that she's trying to trigger reactions in you might give your argument momentum, but i get the feeling that may be too confrontational for your liking. PS: Love the writing style. Link to post Share on other sites
Wineblood Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Confronting her and telling her the reason why you're so squeamish about sex (you're A) wont solve the problem. I think she genuinely excited about how sex has become a major part of her social life and studies, and she wants to express it because she's now oh so happy. And when sexuals talk about sex, there's not much you can do to stop them. [/psychology] Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 err I had a similar problem in the spring. One guy, bless his poor little no brained heart, kept talking abotu hsi girlfriend and then fiance over and over and over. I had friend who got in a sex relationship about the same time. I would complain to each about the other until they finally got the hints... both no longer talk to me .. hmm Link to post Share on other sites
AmoebicMe Posted October 15, 2005 Author Share Posted October 15, 2005 Hmm. Colossally dull subject matter? I'll try it. I think that I'll just start talking about my cat. Or my hamster. Or like...shoes or something. Maybe it'll work... And I'd totally tell her that cijay, but I doubt I'd manage to say it in a way that wouldn't be confrontational and ultimately friend-losing. And yeah, M'Lady, she totally knows how I feel about sex being brought up in conversation. I doubt that my disinterest and dislike could be more obvious. Though I could try (with possibly comical results! Stay tuned, kids!) Hmm. Last night my favorite conversational transition was, "Oh man, I do love pie!" as an escape from the sex convo. It worked a little. But I may have to try the actual "telling her that I don't need to hear it" thingie. And thanks for the compliment! This is actually like, how I talk. Which is hi-lar-i-ous when combined with my hand gestures. Oh how I wish that hand gentures could translate into the internet... Hmm...yesh. Interesting ideas my fellow AVENites... And new plans for me! Huzzah! Thanks everyone! I think that I'm gonna tell her to STFU (except like, not mean and junk) the next time she brings it up. I may even employ the Big Doe Eyes and the Sad Quivering Lip if she continues. Maybe even toss in some Sad Tears if she doesn't get the hint. Or something like that. ::plot plot plot:: Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Hmm. Colossally dull subject matter? I'll try it. I think that I'll just start talking about my cat. Or my hamster. Or like...shoes or something. Maybe it'll work... Talk about me talking about my cat LOL. I mean, when you consider you don't know me and neither does she, what could be more boring than telling her about ME telling YOU about my cat LOL. And I'd totally tell her that cijay, but I doubt I'd manage to say it in a way that wouldn't be confrontational and ultimately friend-losing. Tell her the exact same way you said it here. Either that or just say "Y'know (friend), I really appreciate our times together and I'm glad your studies are going well but could we...go back to talking about things we did BEFORE you went to school?" Link to post Share on other sites
AmoebicMe Posted October 15, 2005 Author Share Posted October 15, 2005 OMGz. I am totally going to talk about you talking about your cat. That's brilliant. She'll be all, "WTF?" and yes. BRILLIANT. And it'll be tricky...but I think that via some spectacular planning, I could manage a nonconfrontational approach...and it might involve...jam. (Is joking about the jam bit...) Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Sorry to hear your friend does that. All I can say is (((HUGZ))) and support al the way. I hope she gets the hints. Link to post Share on other sites
deladangerous Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Hmmmm. I'd get up and just walk off in another direction whenever she starts going on about secks. It'd get the message across right quick, and if she wanted to go after you, that's when you could confront her about it. If she didn't try and catch up, and you ended up having to do it more than once, perhaps that'd get the message across in time anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Chronicler Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 I concur with Shoes and cijay on the cat part (hahaha)...yeah, you have my sympathy as well. Obviously, when I give advice for these situations, I try to equate. Even though I hate people talking to me about sex, I know they probably wouldn't like it much better if I droned right back with stuff on mathematics. So I take in as much as I can, but I know it can get difficult some times. And, yeah, the writing style was hilarious; hehe. Glad that she enjoys it, but I wouldn't like it rubbed in my face that much either. Good luck with it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Jael L Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 ... I'd get up and just walk off in another direction whenever she starts going on about secks... I love the new spelling, deladesastre, it really puts it into perspective. It's given me an idea: how about pretending that you think she's talking about socks whenever she mentions secks? You could scratch your head in puzzlement and ask questions pertaining to footwear which would completely derail her discussions. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 OMGz. I am totally going to talk about you talking about your cat. That's brilliant. She'll be all, "WTF?" and yes. BRILLIANT. His name is Monstah and he's on my fotki page. Hope it works. My cousin actually had a girlfriend like that (ack, maybe it's the one who became his wife, I can't remember). We didn't/don't know a lot about her because she only talked about her cat. Link to post Share on other sites
KidKash Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I have a friend who I swear sometimes tells me things to get a reaction from me but your friend sounds way more extreme. You have my sympathies. I was going to say the same thing. Maybe she is saying these things simply because she knows she'll get a reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
artistic_trees Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Hmm. Colossally dull subject matter? I'll try it. I think that I'll just start talking about my cat. Or my hamster. Or like...shoes or something. Maybe it'll work... Just a warning... I would avoid talking about shoes because according to Freud a shoe-fetish = either penis envy or a fear of castration, depending on the gender with the shoe fetish. (geesh I've had too many psychology courses) Link to post Share on other sites
Squick Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 For her to talk about it all the time, explicitly, sounds immature to me. I mean, I like Ben & Jerry's, but I don't ramble on about it. Don't they say that the more people talk about sex, the less they're doing it? However, I wish I'd been in classes where we took field trips to strip clubs. Link to post Share on other sites
Verin Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 I agree that it is immature to keep going on about it, a complete fascination however is just plain disturbing. You have my sympathies, i have an old friend of mine who has been getting to me lately, i may decide to rant about it at some point but i just can't be bothered. If you can tell her about asexuality and come down on her like a ton of bricks about it she may get the hint. :roll: Link to post Share on other sites
Xenoglyph Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Maybe you should consider bringing up the idea of asexuality w/o telling her that you are one. So that way she can understand that there are people like that out there. Then she will be in less shock when she finds out that you are one. Though by now she probably knows that they are out there due to the recent popularity. Link to post Share on other sites
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