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Cupiosexual, perhaps?


plaidclash

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I'm pretty sure I'm ace although I can't be positive right now... I don't think I'm demisexual or gray-ace, but most likely cupiosexual (I desire a sexual relationship although I don't feel the attraction)... I'm also not sure about this, so I need your help with deciding if this label suits me!

I used to say I was a non-libidoist because I never felt any need or desire for sexual stimulation. I still think I'm a nonlibidoist, although I do occasionaly feel like I desire stimulation (I don't have to masturbate at all though, in fact I do NOT masturbate). I almost feel a "sensual libido" type of thing, meaning that I feel an urge to be intimate without sex... I want to feel some sort of sensual contact like cuddling or just feeling someone against me. That doesn't count as an actual libido/sex-drive, right?

I feel like I want sex. There's this girl I have a crush on and she is so beautiful. I don't "check her out" or fantasize about sex, but I DO fantasize about SENSUAL activity with her. I also think I feel some amount of sexual desire towards her, however I do not wish to act on this desire and when I think about if for too long, I feel repulsed.

Does this sound like cupiosexual? Any other insight is greatly appreciated!

-Tea

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It is hard to say as I am not you, but plenty of asexuals like to cuddle and sensual attraction is different than sexual attraction. It might be some kind of grey-asexual as you have no inherent desire to act sexual feelings at all, which it has been debated that that should be added to the definition of asexuality.

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girltwink666

cupiosexual is just a weird word because unlike other words it describes attraction as well as activity (whereas asexual or homosexual or demisexual just describe who and how one is ttracted) cupiosexual includes the bit about desiring a certain sexual relationship, which i think is a big part of the definition. nothing that u described contradicts this, but i guess all u have to ask is are you wanting to have a sexual relationship with this person?

and as crazy manman says, its hard to say sometimes whats sexual or sensual or whatevs. like me personally im 100% ace and sex repulsed and i really never want to bang anyone ever but do get quite a lotta sensual attraction. not everything fits into the venn diagram perfectly yo B)

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I describe myself as a sensual asexual. I have a high libido (meaning I get aroused often for no reason and need to erm, relieve, that arousal, just never with another person) and I have the sensual version of an epic sex drive haha... I would be the non-sexual version of a nympho in that with certain people (i guess the ones I feel sensual attraction toward) I just want to beeeee with them, doing sensual things, like all the time haha. To me sensual things is pretty much anything that doesn't involve actual stimulation of my genitals by the other person with any part of their body (ie fingers, tongue, penis or with toys etc: I have absolutely no desire for that, and don't enjoy it when it does happen - actually I hate it haha, for me having my genitals stimulated by another person is akin to the feeling of having my eyeballs fiddled with) so nothing that I want to do involves the removal of my underwear for the purposes of sex. I have never wanted to experience that kind of pleasure (being sexually stimulated) with someone else.

So it's like I desire sexual intimacy, without the actual sex (though I'm happy to give if they want to receive, as long as my genitals have no part in that) .. Because I don't desire the actual sexual contact (them having contact with my sexual organs) that's why I identify as sensual asexual. I just have no desire for sexual contact, though I do LOVE sensuality. This has made relationships with sexual people impossible for me. Sensual activity is only an appetizer for sexual people, sex is the main course, and all the sexual people I've been with have been left hungry (no main course) or (which almost always ended up being the case because I felt I had to give sex because that's what's 'normal') I've had to eat a main course even though I'm not hungry and don't like the food and felt like shit after because of it.. so yeah.. sexual relationships are impossible for me. That being said, I am considering whether it would be easier just to identify as Gray-asexual, because that would make everything easier to explain. I have no desire for partnered sex, though I love all the things that go WITH partnered sex, as long as no sex it itself is involved, haha.

I was under the impression that cupiosexual came from a mistaken understanding of what sexual attraction is?(sexual attraction as the defining factor for asexuality I mean) ..So cupiosexual: not finding people 'hot' but do desire partnered sex (because they think that sexual attraction is finding someone hot which is incorrect). Asexuality isn't about whether or not you experience strong aesthetic attraction (finding other people hot) its whether or not you desire partnered sex, sexual attraction = the desire to connect with other people on a sexual level/partnered genital stimulation for sexual pleasure. So a cupiosexual is a sexual person who desires partnered sex, but doesn't experience aesthetic attraction, as opposed to ''an asexual who desires partnered sex'' as I've seen some cupiosexuals describe themselves (also there are different definitions for cupiosexual all over the net, that was just my personal opinion of the definitions I have heard)

Anyway, why not go with sensual asexual (desires sensual activity, no desire for partnered sex) or gray-asexual? i personally think both of those sum up what you are described feeling (gray asexual is great as it can really be anything that falls between asexuality and sexuality though in saying that no desire to be pleasured sexually by the other person is, in my opinion, fully asexual)

Also your glasses are lovely :)

And sorry if this is really disjointed, I have had like 8 hours sleep in the past 48 hours so my brain isn't working properly -_-

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Just because some sensual things can be sexually arousing, lead to sex, or happen during sex, does not make them sexual in general. What is sexual strictly involves genitals/genital arousal in any (direct or indirect) way. The only things sexual are sex and sensual contact done strictly for arousal. At that moment those sensual things are sexual; or to that person, but not as a whole. (i.e. kissing; it can be arousing to some people but the act itself is not sexual-- another example being a foot fetish; it can do all the aforementioned things but feet in general are not sexual) Your body responding with arousal and doing sensual things to get arousal are two different things. The latter being the one that makes it sexual.

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I understand cupiosexual to mean wanting to act on sexual desire, but perhaps it includes just the basic fantasizing of acting on it? I know the basic definition is "where one desires a sexual relationship, despite not feeling sexual attraction." There's another label describing someone enjoying fantisizing about sexual relationships without wanting to engage in them, but for the life of me I cannot seem to find it again. Curses, but overall, if you feel cupio works for you, than use it. :)

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I understand cupiosexual to mean wanting to act on sexual desire, but perhaps it includes just the basic fantasizing of acting on it? I know the basic definition is "where one desires a sexual relationship, despite not feeling sexual attraction." There's another label describing someone enjoying fantisizing about sexual relationships without wanting to engage in them, but for the life of me I cannot seem to find it again. Curses, but overall, if you feel cupio works for you, than use it. :)

No, that would just be masturbation. The word you're looking for is Lithsexual aka Aposexual; an umbrella term for mentally desiring sex but sexual reciprocation causing a negative to indifferent reaction; more specifically over time or immediately causing indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. But i like Aposexual because it's not left up to a metaphor and covers all the types.

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I understand cupiosexual to mean wanting to act on sexual desire, but perhaps it includes just the basic fantasizing of acting on it? I know the basic definition is "where one desires a sexual relationship, despite not feeling sexual attraction." There's another label describing someone enjoying fantisizing about sexual relationships without wanting to engage in them, but for the life of me I cannot seem to find it again. Curses, but overall, if you feel cupio works for you, than use it. :)

No, that would just be masturbation. The word you're looking for is Lithsexual aka Aposexual; an umbrella term for mentally desiring sex but sexual reciprocation causing a negative to indifferent reaction; more specifically over time or immediately causing indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. But i like Aposexual because it's not left up to a metaphor and covers all the types.

Aposexual! That was the word I heard. And OK. Like I said, I saw the word with just a basic description, but it was while looking for something else so I didn't give it a lot of thought or even dive into it.

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I describe myself as a sensual asexual. I have a high libido (meaning I get aroused often for no reason and need to erm, relieve, that arousal, just never with another person) and I have the sensual version of an epic sex drive haha... I would be the non-sexual version of a nympho in that with certain people (i guess the ones I feel sensual attraction toward) I just want to beeeee with them, doing sensual things, like all the time haha. To me sensual things is pretty much anything that doesn't involve actual stimulation of my genitals by the other person with any part of their body (ie fingers, tongue, penis or with toys etc: I have absolutely no desire for that, and don't enjoy it when it does happen - actually I hate it haha, for me having my genitals stimulated by another person is akin to the feeling of having my eyeballs fiddled with) so nothing that I want to do involves the removal of my underwear for the purposes of sex. I have never wanted to experience that kind of pleasure (being sexually stimulated) with someone else.

So it's like I desire sexual intimacy, without the actual sex (though I'm happy to give if they want to receive, as long as my genitals have no part in that) .. Because I don't desire the actual sexual contact (them having contact with my sexual organs) that's why I identify as sensual asexual. I just have no desire for sexual contact, though I do LOVE sensuality. This has made relationships with sexual people impossible for me. Sensual activity is only an appetizer for sexual people, sex is the main course, and all the sexual people I've been with have been left hungry (no main course) or (which almost always ended up being the case because I felt I had to give sex because that's what's 'normal') I've had to eat a main course even though I'm not hungry and don't like the food and felt like shit after because of it.. so yeah.. sexual relationships are impossible for me. That being said, I am considering whether it would be easier just to identify as Gray-asexual, because that would make everything easier to explain. I have no desire for partnered sex, though I love all the things that go WITH partnered sex, as long as no sex it itself is involved, haha.

I was under the impression that cupiosexual came from a mistaken understanding of what sexual attraction is?(sexual attraction as the defining factor for asexuality I mean) ..So cupiosexual: not finding people 'hot' but do desire partnered sex (because they think that sexual attraction is finding someone hot which is incorrect). Asexuality isn't about whether or not you experience strong aesthetic attraction (finding other people hot) its whether or not you desire partnered sex, sexual attraction = the desire to connect with other people on a sexual level/partnered genital stimulation for sexual pleasure. So a cupiosexual is a sexual person who desires partnered sex, but doesn't experience aesthetic attraction, as opposed to ''an asexual who desires partnered sex'' as I've seen some cupiosexuals describe themselves (also there are different definitions for cupiosexual all over the net, that was just my personal opinion of the definitions I have heard)

Anyway, why not go with sensual asexual (desires sensual activity, no desire for partnered sex) or gray-asexual? i personally think both of those sum up what you are described feeling (gray asexual is great as it can really be anything that falls between asexuality and sexuality though in saying that no desire to be pleasured sexually by the other person is, in my opinion, fully asexual)

Also your glasses are lovely :)

And sorry if this is really disjointed, I have had like 8 hours sleep in the past 48 hours so my brain isn't working properly -_-

Thank you for all of this... it really does help me clarify! I'm starting to think I'm just plain ol' ace, simple as that. Also thanks for the compliment about my glasses; you're too kind! :)

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I was under the impression that cupiosexual came from a mistaken understanding of what sexual attraction is?(sexual attraction as the defining factor for asexuality I mean) ..So cupiosexual: not finding people 'hot' but do desire partnered sex (because they think that sexual attraction is finding someone hot which is incorrect). Asexuality isn't about whether or not you experience strong aesthetic attraction (finding other people hot) its whether or not you desire partnered sex, sexual attraction = the desire to connect with other people on a sexual level/partnered genital stimulation for sexual pleasure. So a cupiosexual is a sexual person who desires partnered sex, but doesn't experience aesthetic attraction, as opposed to ''an asexual who desires partnered sex'' as I've seen some cupiosexuals describe themselves (also there are different definitions for cupiosexual all over the net, that was just my personal opinion of the definitions I have heard)

I had no idea cupiosexual had such diverse definitions. I've only heard it as "an asexual who desires partnered sex," which is the way I use it. I full on have aesthetic attraction, (although it is almost entirely aimed towards women with a rare number of men who seem to ping my aesthetic radar. When I use the term "hot" for men it's to describe those I am sensually attracted to or who I know fit's society's definition of "hot," but who I myself am not attracted to on any level.)

But damn, I've been using cupiosexual over asexual (in the ace community, since outside of it people rarely understand the term asexual, let alone a subset of it) as a way to fully explain my sexuality. Like "I know I'm asexual and this is the type of asexual I am" sort of thing. I don't desire partnered sex because I am sexually attracted to someone, (because I've never felt sexual attraction and am unsure what that is even like) I desire it because of the emotional connection that I feel through sexual activities. Which I think is a distinct difference. Sure, I get the a lot (but not all) of the same connection through sensual activities, but I also have a medium to high sex drive and am not opposed to sexual contact (I don't nessarily desire it in that way, but it's kind of like "I'm here, you're here, we both are aroused, let's take care of it together" sort of thing-if that makes sense?-with the emotional connection bening the icing on top.) I guess what I'm trying to say is, figuring out my sexuality was hard enough, but now finding out that the label I identify with has such different deffinitions makes me confused on exactly what my label should be in order to better explain myself.

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