Changing from being asexual...

[Tazoz]

There are some people who say that they've changed, but in those cases I don't think they were ever strictly sexual or asexual, but were, instead, somewhere in the gray area. I just don't believe it's possible to change your sexuality. Just my opinions.

If you read my post earlier, you will notice that I meantion cases of something (big/small) happening to your life that makes change in you (perhaps 180).

Think how there are things in our life which we simply cannot control no matter how we want them within our grasp.

I found your post, but I still believe what I said before: someone who either discovers that they lack sexual attraction one day but gain it the next, or someone who has sexual attraction one day but lose it the next, were never exactly sexual or asexual, but are instead in the gray-area (to repeat myself). These are just my opinions and I promise I don't mean this in an elitist-y way.

As for the bit you said about sexuals who get "bored" of sex, well, that doesn't actually mean anything. Sexuals--not all sexuals--get bored of sex on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean that they're asexual. Also, no big (or small) life event is going to change a person's sexuality--or at least, according to the science of today, sexuality is determined solely from the "inside" (i.e., your genetics, your brain chemistry, things like that--sexuality hasn't exactly been found to have a cause), and not by outside forces, meaning that a sexual who has been raped isn't going to "go asexual," though they might have a lack of desire to engage in sexual activity.

Regarding science, there is absolutely no evidence that a large degree of secual orientation changes is impossible just because there is nothing ruling out dramatic brain changes to areas of brain responsible for sexuality altering it to a extreme degree. Right now, I want you to find my sexuality history and gray-sexuality is still a terrible explanation for how my sexuality died.

As I wrote above, there is a difference between sexual identity and orientation. Your sexual identity has undoubtedly changed over the years for one reason or another and when others try to argue with you that you are demisexual or greysexual, etc. they are making, in my eyes, a huge mistake. (As I learned in the past) Your sexual identity also influences your perception of what your orientation is. Has your innate orientation actually changed? I assume that it is possible as a result of brain damage or rare epigenetic influences if there is a genetic elements to orientation. However, your subjective experience does not seem to be reflective of most people's experiences as for the vast majority of people, orientation is stable and innate. Sexual identity in contrast to this is fluid and can indeed change depending on a person's circumstances.

About the scientific angle, one thing to keep in mind is that homosexuality has been considered a transgression against religion and a crime in some countries for centuries. This means that people have had a huge incentive to find a way to change a person's orientation. People have been kicked out of their homes, incarcerated and threatened with death and still remained the same. Chemical castration and the like only temporary removed a person's drive and had severe side effects. No drug known to man has had any sort of effect on a person's orientation outside of weakening a person's sexual drive. Orientation is a whole different beast and people with a reduced drive still feel attracted to the same genders and feel an emptiness inside them when they are unable to connect to satisfy their need for intimacy. The lack of a sex drive feels terrible because the drive helps them meet their needs for intimacy and without it they feel lost and alone.

[R_1]

As I wrote above, there is a difference between sexual identity and orientation. Your sexual identity has undoubtedly changed over the years for one reason or another and when others try to argue with you that you are demisexual or greysexual, etc. they are making, in my eyes, a huge mistake. (As I learned in the past) Your sexual identity also influences your perception of what your orientation is. Has your innate orientation actually changed? I assume that it is possible as a result of brain damage or rare epigenetic influences if there is a genetic elements to orientation. However, your subjective experience does not seem to be reflective of most people's experiences as for the vast majority of people, orientation is stable and innate. Sexual identity in contrast to this is fluid and can indeed change depending on a person's circumstances.

About the scientific angle, one thing to keep in mind is that homosexuality has been considered a transgression against religion and a crime in some countries for centuries. This means that people have had a huge incentive to find a way to change a person's orientation. People have been kicked out of their homes, incarcerated and threatened with death and still remained the same. Chemical castration and the like only temporary removed a person's drive and had severe side effects. No drug known to man has had any sort of effect on a person's orientation outside of weakening a person's sexual drive. Orientation is a whole different beast and people with a reduced drive still feel attracted to the same genders and feel an emptiness inside them when they are unable to connect to satisfy their need for intimacy. The lack of a sex drive feels terrible because the drive helps them meet their needs for intimacy and without it they feel lost and alone.

I know that there is a difference between sexual identity and there is sexual orientation. As for the question, I am sure my orientation changes as all the other possible explanations are flawed to explain what happened.

Some lists of explanations and why they're flawed.

• I was always asexual, and I just didn't knew what was asexuality. - Back in middle school, when I was sexual, there was some signs that I was interested into the idea of being with girls even at a sexual level, and I had some of those feelings. It just became so much stronger when I was in high school, and there wasn't a single doubt that I actually wanted to have sex with girls at the time. When I look at a girl back then, and she looks sexually appealing, I see myself imagining having sex with that girl, and I find myself attracted to her at a sexual level as I had those feelings. So, if I were always asexual, then I wouldn't find myself to have those feelings way back then. I also knew about the existence of AVEN back in high school, but only looked back after I saw my attraction disappearing.
• I was always gray-sexual, and I may have confused myself. - Well, this would be a good explanation, only problem is that I was sure that I did had those feelings which actually makes me want to engage into sex, and I confirmed that I was not confused back then. I couldn't imagine myself not being your average heterosexual back then. If I was always-gray-sexual, then I would had those feelings after some times after age 16, but I did not as they vanished. No matter how much I looked back, I still see myself as I was back then, and there is no adaquate explanation other than orientation changes.
• I was totally confused - Now, while I can see why one would say this, it seems to be a very flawed explanation as it doesn't explain how genuine the feelings were, and how I had experienced those feelings for about 8 years though it only gotten more noticeable around the beginning of high school. No matter how much I looked back, lack of sexual attraction for a long time is very different than what I felt through high school making it consistent with orientation changes. If I was sexual to this day, then I would had wanted to engage with a woman at a sexual level, but alas there is no signs of that ever, and there were confirmed signed before my orientation changes. If I was asexual all the time, then I wouldn't had experience a strong, and very sure sense of feelings of wanting to engage with a woman at a sexual level back then.

[Tazoz]

As I wrote above, there is a difference between sexual identity and orientation. Your sexual identity has undoubtedly changed over the years for one reason or another and when others try to argue with you that you are demisexual or greysexual, etc. they are making, in my eyes, a huge mistake. (As I learned in the past) Your sexual identity also influences your perception of what your orientation is. Has your innate orientation actually changed? I assume that it is possible as a result of brain damage or rare epigenetic influences if there is a genetic elements to orientation. However, your subjective experience does not seem to be reflective of most people's experiences as for the vast majority of people, orientation is stable and innate. Sexual identity in contrast to this is fluid and can indeed change depending on a person's circumstances.

About the scientific angle, one thing to keep in mind is that homosexuality has been considered a transgression against religion and a crime in some countries for centuries. This means that people have had a huge incentive to find a way to change a person's orientation. People have been kicked out of their homes, incarcerated and threatened with death and still remained the same. Chemical castration and the like only temporary removed a person's drive and had severe side effects. No drug known to man has had any sort of effect on a person's orientation outside of weakening a person's sexual drive. Orientation is a whole different beast and people with a reduced drive still feel attracted to the same genders and feel an emptiness inside them when they are unable to connect to satisfy their need for intimacy. The lack of a sex drive feels terrible because the drive helps them meet their needs for intimacy and without it they feel lost and alone.

I know that there is a difference between sexual identity and there is sexual orientation. As for the question, I am sure my orientation changes as all the other possible explanations are flawed to explain what happened.

Some lists of explanations and why they're flawed.

• I was always asexual, and I just didn't knew what was asexuality. - Back in middle school, when I was sexual, there was some signs that I was interested into the idea of being with girls even at a sexual level, and I had some of those feelings. It just became so much stronger when I was in high school, and there wasn't a single doubt that I actually wanted to have sex with girls at the time. When I look at a girl back then, and she looks sexually appealing, I see myself imagining having sex with that girl, and I find myself attracted to her at a sexual level as I had those feelings. So, if I were always asexual, then I wouldn't find myself to have those feelings way back then. I also knew about the existence of AVEN back in high school, but only looked back after I saw my attraction disappearing.
• I was always gray-sexual, and I may have confused myself. - Well, this would be a good explanation, only problem is that I was sure that I did had those feelings which actually makes me want to engage into sex, and I confirmed that I was not confused back then. I couldn't imagine myself not being your average heterosexual back then. If I was always-gray-sexual, then I would had those feelings after some times after age 16, but I did not as they vanished. No matter how much I looked back, I still see myself as I was back then, and there is no adaquate explanation other than orientation changes.
• I was totally confused - Now, while I can see why one would say this, it seems to be a very flawed explanation as it doesn't explain how genuine the feelings were, and how I had experienced those feelings for about 8 years though it only gotten more noticeable around the beginning of high school. No matter how much I looked back, lack of sexual attraction for a long time is very different than what I felt through high school making it consistent with orientation changes. If I was sexual to this day, then I would had wanted to engage with a woman at a sexual level, but alas there is no signs of that ever, and there were confirmed signed before my orientation changes. If I was asexual all the time, then I wouldn't had experience a strong, and very sure sense of feelings of wanting to engage with a woman at a sexual level back then.

Truthfully, from reading your story, there is a strong indication that you are asexual and have always been asexual. As far as I can understand, when you were younger you repressed your sexuality (asexuality) and took on the identity of someone who is heterosexual. As you grew older you were able to accept your real sexuality.I believe that one of the reasons that you are struggling to accept that you have always been asexual is that you are basing your thoughts on the definition of asexuality that states that asexuality is "not feeling sexual attraction". In my experience, asexuality is closer to being a blindness to the experience of what it means to be sexual. It's not so far fetched to believe that you experienced such a blindness and assumed that your powerful desire to be friends with others was sexual attraction. For years I lost multiple friends because I was confused about what the boundaries are between friendship and sexual or romantic relations. This is one of the bigger problems that aromantics seem to have, they are unable to differentiate between the two. In your case, I believe that your need for friendship and platonic love created a stronger aesthetic and platonic attraction to girls which created the illusion of sexual attraction.

One explanation for the change that you went through at 17 or so could be that you learned to fill your social needs through alternative means. As you don't mention that you became more social as the years went by, I assume that you became more involved in internet forums and communities which meant that you stopped feeling as if you needed to find a partner and create a strong emotional bond with them. (something that you could only do by becoming someone that you are not.) Another option is that you became closer to your family and learned to fill your emotional needs through them.

[R_1]

It's not so far fetched to believe that you experienced such a blindness and assumed that your powerful desire to be friends with others was sexual attraction. For years I lost multiple friends because I was confused about what the boundaries are between friendship and sexual or romantic relations. This is one of the bigger problems that aromantics seem to have, they are unable to differentiate between the two. In your case, I believe that your need for friendship and platonic love created a stronger aesthetic and platonic attraction to girls which created the illusion of sexual attraction.

One explanation for the change that you went through at 17 or so could be that you learned to fill your social needs through alternative means. As you don't mention that you became more social as the years went by, I assume that you became more involved in internet forums and communities which meant that you stopped feeling as if you needed to find a partner and create a strong emotional bond with them. (something that you could only do by becoming someone that you are not.) Another option is that you became closer to your family and learned to fill your emotional needs through them.

Here's the thing, if I were confusing my past desire to be friends with someone else as sexual attraction, then I'd be wanting to bang so many people back then, but that isn't the case. Furthermore, there were women from a distance that I didn't want to meet, but yet I was attracted to them at a sexual level. Both of these are inconsistent with your conclusion. And asides, my desire for friendship died just the same way as sexual attraction and romantic attraction did, and you know nothing about my family. I never mentioned socialization in this part because it is irrelevant. Also, you do not speak for every aromantics out there.

[Tazoz]

It's not so far fetched to believe that you experienced such a blindness and assumed that your powerful desire to be friends with others was sexual attraction. For years I lost multiple friends because I was confused about what the boundaries are between friendship and sexual or romantic relations. This is one of the bigger problems that aromantics seem to have, they are unable to differentiate between the two. In your case, I believe that your need for friendship and platonic love created a stronger aesthetic and platonic attraction to girls which created the illusion of sexual attraction.

One explanation for the change that you went through at 17 or so could be that you learned to fill your social needs through alternative means. As you don't mention that you became more social as the years went by, I assume that you became more involved in internet forums and communities which meant that you stopped feeling as if you needed to find a partner and create a strong emotional bond with them. (something that you could only do by becoming someone that you are not.) Another option is that you became closer to your family and learned to fill your emotional needs through them.

Here's the thing, if I were confusing my past desire to be friends with someone else as sexual attraction, then I'd be wanting to bang so many people back then, but that isn't the case. Furthermore, there were women from a distance that I didn't want to meet, but yet I was attracted to them at a sexual level. Both of these are inconsistent with your conclusion. And asides, my desire for friendship died just the same way as sexual attraction and romantic attraction did, and you know nothing about my family. I never mentioned socialization in this part because it is irrelevant. Also, you do not speak for every aromantics out there.

I offered you my thoughts and spent some time reading some of your past posts to try and understand from where you are coming from. I never said anything about your family, I offered an option that might explain the change that you went through. Anyway, I apologize, I don't know why I decided to respond to your post, I know that in the past you responded badly to my replies to you and I should have realized that it would be a mistake to write such a post. In the end, I was curious about your situation and tried to figure it out and thought you might connect on some level with what I said. I never meant to insult you and I'm sorry if I unintentionally did.