noob

[unemployed.stork]

So the title is probably self-explanatory. I'm new and questioning. Figured there wasn't a better place to self-identify than here. Anyway, I'm curious as to your opinions and thoughts, if you don't mind sharing I'd like to hear. But I'm considering that I may be asexual.

Reasons why is because I guess you could say I lack sexual drive?

I've definitely had crushes, but usually they were a pretty big deal to me because I'd say have pretty high standards for a dating relationship.

I've dated people, though I did break up with them because we were sort of falling into the same boring routine. Like, I even remember the places we kissed were always at the same time in the same place, and I wanted to die. Like that's when the kissing was almost unenjoyable. But I'd be lying if I said I don't like kissing.

I feel like I can see myself enjoying sex, but in all honesty, I've never done it, so I don't really know for sure. There have been times when I'm standing close to someone I'm somewhat attracted to and have felt an urge to just .. do something sexual with them. Which I know doesn't sound asexual at all, but .. I don't know?

Am I just a really bad heterosexual? or a lame bisexual? or should I just not give a fuck and decide, I like what I like and don't like what I don't like?

Thanks for reading, and any thoughts you could share would be very much appreciated.

[Melancholy Dolly]

Hey there! Welcome to AVEN


There are types of attraction other than sexual attraction.

I would suggest looking into the different types of attraction and their derivatives and figuring out if any of those apply to you. Also, you don't have to use labels if you don't want to/ feel the need to.

Ultimately, it's your decision. We can't tell you what you are and what you aren't.

Hope this helped~!

[AnActualAngel]

Hi and welcome :)

I don't think you are asexual, as you said you occasionally experience sexual attraction, however you could be gray-A (a person on asexual spectrum), or you could simply have low sex drive. There are people who are not asexual and have low to non-existent sex drives. However, only you can decide what you feel like :) You could just not have a label, that works for some people too :)

Good luck finding out though, for some people it's quite a journey :)

[MissLunarWolf]

Hey, and welcome to the forums! ^_^

Check this out, it may help:

[USathane]

So the title is probably self-explanatory. I'm new and questioning. Figured there wasn't a better place to self-identify than here. Anyway, I'm curious as to your opinions and thoughts, if you don't mind sharing I'd like to hear. But I'm considering that I may be asexual.

Reasons why is because I guess you could say I lack sexual drive? I've never really masturbated. I tried like once, wasn't really into it. I simply just ... I don't know, didn't get it.

I am 18, still a virgin, which I guess isn't really a "big deal" but I went to a high school where most of the guys were gay and the girls out numbered the guys like 3 to 1. Plus, playing the narcissist card here, I have to be honest I wasn't an UNattractive guy. I really could've if I had the drive.

I've definitely had crushes, but usually they were a pretty big deal to me because I'd say have pretty high standards for a dating relationship.

My most current crush is on a lesbian that I've been head over heels for the past three years about. We've kissed, I loved it.

I've dated people before the lesbian as well, though I did break up with them because we were sort of falling into the same boring routine. Like, I even remember the places we kissed were always at the same time in the same place, and I wanted to die. Like that's when the kissing was almost unenjoyable. But I'd be lying if I said I don't like kissing.

The closest sexual encounter I had was with a guy. Simple dry humping but I gotta say, it was pretty enjoyable. However, when he asked if I was interested in taking it a step further I, sort of, wasn't. And we ended up not doing anything past that. Background info though, I was really exhausted.

I feel like I can see myself enjoying sex, but in all honesty, I've never done it, so I don't really know for sure. There have been times when I'm standing close to someone I'm somewhat attracted to and have felt an urge to just .. do something sexual with them. Which I know doesn't sound asexual at all, but .. I don't know?

Am I just a really bad heterosexual? or a lame bisexual? or should I just not give a fuck and decide, I like what I like and don't like what I don't like?

Thanks for reading, and any thoughts you could share would be very much appreciated.

- 'I guess you could say I lack sexual drive?' -- okay, that makes you a 'non-libidoist', or simply someone with no libido

- I've definitely had crushes...they were a pretty big deal' -- okay, so you're at least heteroromantic from this

- 'felt an urge to just .. do something sexual with them' -- sounds like sexual attraction to me, so this sounds like heterosexuality, and potentially just bi-curiosity or heteroflexibility

So my label, based on what you've said, would be a heteroromantic, heterosexual/flexibile non-libidoist

To clear things up and be more accurate...

- Have you also had romantic feelings for men? If so, then you're probably biromantic.

- Were your sexual desires for males actually there (it sounds like it, but it's not for me to decide)? If so, that makes you at least bisexual. If you're mostly interested in women with only a small desire for men, you can use the term 'heteroflexible' if that sounds better to you.

- As far as non-libidoism goes, I drew that conclusion from you saying you have no sex drive. If you actually do have a sex drive as far as feeling the need for a sexual release, involved with someone else (as in, aside from masturbation), then you of course do have a sex drive. If you still have no desire for any sexual release whatsoever, congrats, you're a 'non-liboist' and this might be causing your confusion, since you have sexual attraction, but no desire to act on and gain release from said attraction. Having your attraction and drives at odds can make things very confusing.

Anyway, you'll have to answer those questions yourself to really decide what you are romantically and sexually, so good luck with that.