Familial Relations

[cinamongirl]

Hi, I'm 18, F, and (for the moment ) Aroace ( say for the moment, cause there is a chance I could be demi). I don't know if this is the right place to go for my question, but gonna ask anyway.

Aro is lack of romantic attraction, does that mean aros also can't love?
Also if that's the case is it solely limited to romantic love?

I sorta cant love anything, theres no activities I enjoy, I've never felt like I 'loved' any of my friends or even my family. It's not that I have a bad relationship with them, they're a good family, I'm just not very close with them (sister + mum and dad). And I think they love me but I don't love them and I have no idea why.

I haven't been diagnosed with any mental illnesses (unless you count ADHD).

Does anyone else ever feel like this or have any idea what could be the cause?

(Sorry if this is the wrong place to go but I just can't think of anywhere else)

[warrigan]

hi, and welcome to aven!

Aro is lack of romantic attraction, does that mean aros also can't love?
Also if that's the case is it solely limited to romantic love?

to answer your first question, no, being aromantic doesn't mean we can't love. we might not feel romantic attraction- and thereby romantic love- but platonic love is pretty important to many of us. i guess that answers your second question- yes, our 'inability' to love is restricted to romantic love, although most of us don't think of it as something we lack, more like something we never really thought applied to us in the first place. :)

[LadyWallflower]

I love my family, but I have never been able to extend that to friendships. To me, seeing the strong friendships showed on TV seems quite alien. Yet I do long for a friendship like that. But in reality people come and go from my life, and I really don't care, am I heartless?

Yet I care deeply for people. I cry often when I read the newspaper or read the news. I always defend people to the point where people get annoyed at me (you don't know them! Why do you defend them?) It seems like I can love from a distance, but not up close.

Part of me thinks this is because I was very unpopular in High School, and didn't really had any friends. So I didn't experience that point in our lives when friendship is so important.

.

I do dream of having a strong queerplatonic relationship some day, though. Not romantic or sexual. At the same time, I do not think it is possible. How does one form attachments like that? Just like sex, it does not seem possible.

[cinamongirl]

Just to add: I'm quite apathetic to news stories or charity ads or posts about some teens suicide or death or chronic illness on tumblr.

And i feel like if my parents were to phone saying my sister and my cat died i'd probably be more sad about the cat.

I am honestly scared there's something wrong with me

[Guest]

Just to add: I'm quite apathetic to news stories or charity ads or posts about some teens suicide or death or chronic illness on tumblr.

And i feel like if my parents were to phone saying my sister and my cat died i'd probably be more sad about the cat.

I am honestly scared there's something wrong with me

I don't think so, necessarily. I've always been similar, animals tend to mean a bit more to me personally than people. Not quite to the same extent, but I've always been closer to my pets than most of my family. (Was talking to my mom a few months ago about how I dread moving away because I'd have to leave the family pets behind. She was all "wouldn't you miss us, too?" I didn't answer, but to be honest I wouldn't miss them all that much.)

Pets passing has been emotionally harder on me than the deaths of others. I still don't know why that is. It was hard when my dad died, I still miss him, but in a different way than it was when I lost my beloved pets. The emotional impact seems more...muted.

I used to wonder every once in a while if something was wrong with me, too. I don't really think much about it anymore.

I think the reason I get closer to animals is that I can be real with animals. I hide my real self from most people. I think it's not that I don't care about people, I think it's that I care from a distance...I'm an introvert, I'm like that with the majority of people. As I've done more with my life, I've found a bit more of a connect with others. But I'm still an introvert who's happy to be alone much of the time, and who's more than content with one or two good friends. Plus I relate best to others by first understanding myself--it's my personality type, apparently. So that may have some play, too.

Not sure I'm being helpful, but maybe you're similar? I don't understand all of it, but I've decided that my emotions being more dull than seems normal in relation to others doesn't make me a monster or uncaring. Neither does it mean the emotions aren't there, as I've found out. And getting involved with people, caring about them through my actions, more often has made me relate to them better.

Perhaps you find it hard to relate to others unless it's something you can understand on a personal level?

(I'm saying all this, and yet the personality type I belong to is known for it's empathy, and I still consider myself an empathetic person. I'm a walking contradiction. =P)

And ads on tv, well, sometimes it is hard for something like that to seem real without seeing it firsthand. I can see there being a disconnect there.

[LadyWallflower]

Just wanted to add that I am terrified about my dog dying too. I live in a foreign country, and sometimes I wonder if it is worth it, because he could die without me ever seeing him again. He is 12 now, and mostly deaf. I love him so much. Please don't die without me ever seeing you again.

[Frigid Pink]

Just to add: I'm quite apathetic to news stories or charity ads or posts about some teens suicide or death or chronic illness on tumblr.

And i feel like if my parents were to phone saying my sister and my cat died i'd probably be more sad about the cat.

I am honestly scared there's something wrong with me

Doesn't sound that uncommon to me. I think it'd be more uncommon to get extremely emotional about a news story or charity ad vs. have an apathetic response.

[almost alice]

You could just be asocial or misanthropic, depending on if you are just ambivalent about other people or actively hate and distrust them. While many mental illnesses have symptoms that appear as being asocial or misanthropic, you can be a perfectly healthy person and still just not really care much about other people.

I would also like to point out that even a asocial or misanthropic person can eventually develop close friendships, it just takes FOREVER and the other person has to be invested in the relationship enough to jump through the hoops required to prove themselves. For example, I'm a misanthrope and it has taken ten years for me to fully trust my best friend enough for me to realize I would be sad if something happened to her.