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[*Trigger Warning*] Depressed at the idea of no pleasure, when everyone else "loves" it.


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Hi, I'm Alexis. I recently turned 16, and I've had subconscious thoughts about being asexual. When I was 5 I was raped for over two years, violently. I thought this was the reason I had absolutely NO sexual feelings, because of my PTSD. Which makes total sense, but I've been in years of therapy, and no longer flinch when people touch me or I'm alone with anyone. So, in eighth grade, is when the thoughts started to come. Even at the young age I was in eighth grade, people around me were already talking about sexual things. Kissing, blow jobs, etc. How the guys couldn't get enough, and the girls loved kissing and romance. I am a six foot three, prestigious athlete and student. I mean, my entire life has been devoted to sports and school, I was always the best. Any inclinations of boys or parties, were completely out of my view on the world. I mean, they got in the way, and I was always warned with diseases or being at a party and having my scholarship taken away. So, I stayed way way away from all of these parties and/or boys. I was dedicated - to an extreme level (due to the fact that how I was treated at home in an abusive factor was correlated with how well I played or did on a test). Everyone called me, "late bloomer", at that point. "Oh, Alexis, you're young! You're just a late bloomer, you'll want to do that stuff soon." I waited. Freshman year comes up, and sex, parties, IS EVERYTHING to everyone. "Ok" I thought to myself, "you're just so focused on sports, you know? Maybe if we try with a guy?". I don't mean to be conceited, but I am a very pretty girl. I model, I'm in superb shape, and I have big "assets" if you know what I mean. Like a guys' wet dream, so I decided to try with one of the guys that is nice, good looking, smart, athletic. The "golden boy" of my school, anyways, we dated for awhile. He kissed me, stuck his tongue down my throat, and it was REPULSIVE. Like HORRIBLE, I thought I was going to gag. I allowed it though, because like, maybe he's a bad kisser. Then he tried touching those parts (only through clothing, I wouldn't allow anymore), and it was horrible. Like he was rubbing my elbow, I seriously felt nothing. I'm just so frustrated, because I've always been different from everyone. With my height, my sports, my intellect, everything. Now I have THIS? I have been through so so much, and I have bad memories of sex, and now I won't ever replace those, because I don't physically want it. Everyone gets this immense pleasure, and I don't. It's just depressing, because I always imagined myself married with a good athlete, and have a good life. Even if I didn't want a guy, I just imagined that. Who wants to be with someone who is seriously repulsed by the idea of sex, and I don't want to be married to a friend. Also, I want that pleasure, that "amazing" feeling that everyone gets. It's just so depressing and frustrating!!!!!!

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Not everyone gets pleasure from sexual touching. I don't, personally. Though, honestly... if you want to know if you can get "amazing pleasure", I would recommend trying it for yourself first. Masturbation is more relaxed and you can explore your body, if something feels good, or interesting, you can explore it and see if it leads to more. Or, if it becomes uncomfortable, stop. Also, you'd know if it is just your body doesn't respond to that, or if maybe you just need a softer touch, etc. Sometimes groping/kissing can be off putting, even for sexuals, if done wrong. Of course, if you aren't comfortable with that, don't do it. It's totally fine to NOT like sex or sexual touch. As I said, I do not. It's like someone poking my tongue, just soft tissue getting touched, no big deal and no real pleasure.

There is more to romance than sex also, if you do want to get married eventually. I mean, it's not just "friend" and "person I have sex with" ... there are other factors to romance. Or, do you think maybe you aren't into romantic stuff? Which, also is fine, but don't feel obligated to push yourself if that isn't what you actually want.

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soMeRandoM670

I don't get that amazing feeling also, It was very frustrating for me. AS I felt, like just how everyone thinks what not. And general women view on men what not.
It just, I doubt I ever feel good like that, I do enjoy being affectionate with women and everything but anything more is a chore and not great. And I don't like to be touched like that.

As guy I do like assets women do have, and well I have little problem touching women sexually and making them feel great but problem is that they never make me feel amazing or great.

And attempts just make me miserable and everyone feel bad. and cycle.

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Now I have THIS? I have been through so so much, and I have bad memories of sex, and now I won't ever replace those, because I don't physically want it. Everyone gets this immense pleasure, and I don't.

*rubs forehead* You conclude that because you can't just pick some attractive looking guy and enjoy sexuality with him? Well, duh, not even all sexuals can do that. I think there's some things you don't really understand.

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Welcome to AVEN Alexis! :cake: :cake: :cake: I know it's hard to be different, and it sucks sometimes (or a lot of the time) but being asexual isn't all bad. Even if you conclude that you are for sure asexual, you can still date and end up married if you feel romantic attraction, which is different from sexual attraction. Some people are willing to compromise with an asexual if they are in a loving romantic relationship, and you could also look for other asexuals to date. I won't deny that it is harder for asexuals than for everyone else, but it can definitely be done. Hang in there, it will get better! *offers hugs, if you like hugs*

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Now I have THIS? I have been through so so much, and I have bad memories of sex, and now I won't ever replace those, because I don't physically want it. Everyone gets this immense pleasure, and I don't.

*rubs forehead* You conclude that because you can't just pick some attractive looking guy and enjoy sexuality with him? Well, duh, not even all sexuals can do that. I think there's some things you don't really understand.

Correct; just liking someone's looks or personality is not romantic attraction, so of course you could be repulsed by romantic advances without that. Yet alone the sexual attraction aspect. But i made the same mistake too; taking the first person who asked because everyone else was doing it and i felt nothing. Feeling things that are associated with romantic attraction does not automatically make it romantic attraction; like the previously mentioned aesthetic attraction and emotional attraction. Aesthetic attraction being a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannerisms; having a pull to look at them. It's different from recognizing them as good looking/aesthetically pleasing with no fixation because of that. Emotional attraction being a fixation on someone because of their emotions, and by extent personality. I would compare it to admirance or a favorite character. But maybe you just liked his personality but didn't have a fixation on him because of it. Personally i only experience romantic attraction as an emotion; fuzzy soft feelings with a slight fixation on the person. Some people experience romantic attraction instantaneously and other require a bond to feel so (called demiromantic), and some don't feel it at all (called aromantic). I only experienced my first and only crush when i was 18 and found out i experience romantic attraction rarely (which can be a type of Gray-romantic). Some ppl romantically fantasize about the person they're interested in, others don't (like me). If kissing ends up not being your thing, then that's fine.
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Kuromi Akumura

TMI WARNING

I get how you feel, also am frustrated that i don't feel it. I don't want to but i do kinda feel 'freakish' myself. I guess with how i've told people and how they reacted to that :/ i never been in a sexual situation but my plumbing works and apparently when you get aroused you are meant to feel pleasure and think of desire ect but i don't get any of that. I wish i felt absolutely nothing but what i do feel is a uncomfortable sometimes even painful feeling.

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