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how to respond to "get your hormones checked" etc?


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Ok, so I may be a little stupid, but I was on a youtube video and the guy asked people to comment with what they find most attractive about men/women. I put "Well I'm asexual, but..." at the beginning as a bit of a disclaimer, because logically that would be relevant to how you perceive someone's attractiveness. i.e. I'm not looking for a nice dick.

Anyways, I forgot that the internet's a jerk, and a lot of people commented saying things like "asexuality isn't a sexuality, you should see a doctor" or "you just want to be a special snowflake, just like the white girls that say they don't eat gluten but still eat doughnuts and bagels" "you spend too much time on tumblr" "typical white girl" etc etc etc.

Obviously the big lesson here is that you shouldn't talk about your sexuality on the internet... but I've had people throw those things at me before (see a doctor and you just want to be special) and I know that I'm not that way, but I'm not really sure how to respond. I tried but ended up just getting really frustrated. How do you guys typically respond to things like that?

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AnotherWeasley

I'm both lucky and unlucky in that regard. I have thyroid problems, which means I have to take a pill every day and being me I sometimes forget it, which makes me really lethargic and unable to concentrate. On the plus side, it means I get my hormones checked every three months. I don't know if they're the relevant ones, but it still shuts people up.

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Colorful6String

Awe that stinks :( I'm sorry.

For me, it depends on if I think the person would listen or be open to what I'd say. I have some friends who say stuff like that, about seeing a doctor, or other things like "you'll meet the right guy some day" and I know they aren't open to listening to me try to explain (at least not yet, I'm hoping to get a bit more in-depth of an explanation to them to try whenever I think they'll take it) I just usually let what they say slide. Of course I've really only told my friends on the internet, and they've never been completely outright rude to me about it, just misunderstanding...

If the person IS open to listening I usually try to show them why they're wrong, or what the misconception is (in the most polite way possible) depending on what they say. But it's kinda hard xD depends on the person if they'll listen and accept it or not honestly

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well I have a perfectly healthy, fully functioning libido (an abundance of female 'sex' hormones thay cause me to become aroused often for no reason), I masturbate, I find people attractive, I even feel sensual attraction. I am not repulsed by any aspect of sex, I am actually fascinated by sex, and I love intimacy and sensuality, I just have no desire to actually *have* partnered sex (partnered genital stimulation to achieve sexual pleasure) with anyone. when I used to have it in the past, I always found it boring, frustrating and just couldn't wait for it to be over so we could get back to the fun stuff (ie non-sexual intimate activities) ..

I know now that I am asexual and it has nothing to do with any hormone imbalance or any medical issue, I just feel the same way about actually having sex as I do about actually playing golf lol, absolutely not interested and there would be no way to *make* me interested.. Why have sex when there are so many more fun things two people can do alone together?

And I've met a lot of other people on AVEN who also have fully functioning healthy libido's, they are just not interested in relieving said libido's with other people.

That's how I respond when asked if I've had my hormones checked lol.

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People can be assholes, that's for sure.

Keep in mind that society tends to make fun of what they consider different, and some people just don't want to understand.

I would not bother trying to explain it to someone you don't care about, getting frustrated because of them is pointless. But anyway, I would go with saying that my hormones regret the disrespect and if they have so much insight on the subject they can go and tell it to the wall, it's probably going to care more than me about their opinion. #NoRegrets

For the rest, try to be patient and always keep in mind that they might not agree with you, but please don't let them tell you what you are.

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How about "Why do you care if I'm fucking someone or not?" or "Not wanting to fuck someone isn't a bad thing" or "How about you mind your goddamn business?" Seriously, I don't ever get into any kind of serious conversation on the internet unless it's a place like AVEN (and even then try not to talk about really serious things most of the time) because think of the typical group of people who hang out on youtube, for example: most are like 12-25 years old, and more times than not, are extremely narrow-minded and immature.

you just want to be a special snowflake, just like the white girls that say they don't eat gluten but still eat doughnuts and bagels

Lol what is this even...?

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scarletlatitude

My hormones are messed up but that's another story that has nothing to do with asexuality.

As for the internet, ignore them. You will never convince them. They don't know you in real life or care about you. They just want to yell and state their opinions obnoxiously and they use the internet as a shield. They are often not interested in hearing facts. Haters gonna hate. ;)

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Well I actually did get my hormones checked (for unrelated reasons, but still) and according to the blood tests, there's nothing wrong with them. ^_^ Just lie and say they've been checked, and they're fine (or actually get them checked, if you feel so inclined). Cuz how can they possibly argue with that?

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With strangers on the internet, play asexual bingo. Or make your own games, and try to set high scores. Or print out all the hater comments and make a mural out of them, which you can then cut into a paper dress and wear to the big game over your not-paper hoodie and shorts. And know that, no matter how little you go to Tumblr or how conservative or non-political you are, you are a Tumblrina SJW.

But don't let them silence you! That's what they want. They want you to shut up. Don't.

With people you actually care about, it's better to just be honest and informative, of course.

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With strangers on the internet, play asexual bingo. Or make your own games, and try to set high scores. Or print out all the hater comments and make a mural out of them, which you can then cut into a paper dress and wear to the big game over your not-paper hoodie and shorts. And know that, no matter how little you go to Tumblr or how conservative or non-political you are, you are a Tumblrina SJW.

But don't let them silence you! That's what they want. They want you to shut up. Don't.

With people you actually care about, it's better to just be honest and informative, of course.

This is certainly one option. I'd point out that the chemicals in the brain account for a large part of personality, then suggest they get their hormones checked for a way to cure being an asshole. Or, more seriously, even if the hormones are off, it's how a person relates to this in the context they're in that matters.

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I'm both lucky and unlucky in that regard. I have thyroid problems, which means I have to take a pill every day and being me I sometimes forget it, which makes me really lethargic and unable to concentrate. On the plus side, it means I get my hormones checked every three months. I don't know if they're the relevant ones, but it still shuts people up.

That's the same as me :) I did wonder (kind of hoped) for a while whether my lack of libido might have something to do with having a dodgy thyroid for so long but my levels have been stable for years now and I'm fine in every other regard so I think not.

If you're just hearing these things from people on the internet then I would just ignore, their opinion shouldn't matter to you. It's really no one elses business.

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How about "Why do you care if I'm fucking someone or not?" or "Not wanting to fuck someone isn't a bad thing" or "How about you mind your goddamn business?" Seriously, I don't ever get into any kind of serious conversation on the internet unless it's a place like AVEN (and even then try not to talk about really serious things most of the time) because think of the typical group of people who hang out on youtube, for example: most are like 12-25 years old, and more times than not, are extremely narrow-minded and immature.

I agree with Palovana. You can't win with ignorant trolls on the internet, especially in the youtube comment section. I would let it go, move on with your life and don't let immature strangers influence your well being. Perhaps look for the option to not get any emails from that comment thread and if they go any further to posting nasty comments on your page, report them. That's my opinion.

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You could tell them that if they got their hormones checked, they might find out they're not really sexual.

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ElectricMongoose

For some people their asexuality may be a result of a hormone imbalance yes, but if they're happy like that, then why should it matter what others think? Not everyone who is asexual has hormonal imbalances though, many of us it is a choice that we chose to be like this. Either way, asexuality is very much so a sexual orientation. Just because their is a lack of sexual attraction, we still exist and we have a name for it. Those people who say it's not real or stuff like that obviously are too busy not having cake to understand such things.

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For some people their asexuality may be a result of a hormone imbalance yes, but if they're happy like that, then why should it matter what others think? Not everyone who is asexual has hormonal imbalances though, many of us it is a choice that we chose to be like this. Either way, asexuality is very much so a sexual orientation. Just because their is a lack of sexual attraction, we still exist and we have a name for it. Those people who say it's not real or stuff like that obviously are too busy not having cake to understand such things.

Being asexual is not a choice, any more than being homosexual or heterosexual is a choice.

Hormones have nothing to do with asexuality; many asexuals have said on AVEN that they have had their hormones checked and the levels are normal.

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njosnavelin
CaptainKhaleesi

Typical white girl? What kind of BS is that?

Anyway, I also have had hormone problems, but have since gotten them fixed. I'm also still asexual! Fixing my hormones didn't make me want sex anymore than it did before. I still see my doctor who will check my levels to make sure things are still at a good level. In my case, my hormones and my sexual orientation did not correlate. That being said, I'm much happier now that my hormones are fixed! :)

There are a lot of "internet people" who think they are super informed and current, but I've found that for the most part they are some of the most disconnected people out there. Don't worry about what they say, they just feel safe hiding behind their keyboard. Have some cake! :cake::cake::cake:

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ElectricMongoose

For some people their asexuality may be a result of a hormone imbalance yes, but if they're happy like that, then why should it matter what others think? Not everyone who is asexual has hormonal imbalances though, many of us it is a choice that we chose to be like this. Either way, asexuality is very much so a sexual orientation. Just because their is a lack of sexual attraction, we still exist and we have a name for it. Those people who say it's not real or stuff like that obviously are too busy not having cake to understand such things.

Being asexual is not a choice, any more than being homosexual or heterosexual is a choice.

Hormones have nothing to do with asexuality; many asexuals have said on AVEN that they have had their hormones checked and the levels are normal.

I meant it more in a sense of accepting as their choice. Not being born like that because we know that's not by choice.

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UnplannedCauli

Depending on how polite you want to be towards the person asking (if it's a random internet dude ignoring is just fine) you can say all kinds of things, including lies.

Want them to shut up? "STFU"

Want them to drop the topic and be politish? "I already have, they're all perfectly fine, how about yours?".

Want them to feel how passive-agressive their question was? "Right after you tell me what meds your psychiatrist gave you"

They're someone you care about and might just be clueless? "Asexuality is a thing and hormones don't normaly have anything to do with it"

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Apostle of Carlin

Youtube comments sections are a cesspit. I avoid them.

There's a lot of places on the Internet where admins and moderators don't give a shit, so trolls and assholes just poison the well. This is especially true on Youtube.

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Nymphomaniacs are never told to "get their hormones checked" because humanity sees sexual attraction as default.

In the same way, childfree people looking for voluntary sterilization are required by some doctors to take psychological evaluations...but I bet those same doctors would never force someone that wants 19 kids and counting to get a psych eval...right?

Some people simply can't imagine a world where there are different people than themselves.

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Oh for fuck's sake

^ FoxEars ^

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Well firstly never comment on a youtube video or on yahoo. My immediate reaction to you should see a doctor is, "you should see my foot in your ass" heh :blush: :P but probably you shouldn't be doing that :blush:. Maybe don't say anything just post a link to AVEN or some kind of fact sheet about asexuality. As for the typical white girl comment, say typical youtube comment and then leave a link to AVEN or some kind of asexuality fact sheet and say here please go learn something. If all else fail you can always use this gif from billy madison:

tumblr_lzimv1B2Bm1qzx21yo1_500.gif

heh :P

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Maybe "Oh for cake's sake"?

I like you ^_^

^ FoxEars ^

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I had a professor, who was very supportive of asexuality, once ask me if I had ever had my hormones checked. I explained to him that no, I had not, but many members of the asexuality community have had their hormones checked specifically to see if there was an imbalance of sorts and most found their hormones to be within normal range.

He went: "Mm, but it would still be interesting to check you know."

I said flatly, "I have been poked by far too many needles for my lifetime to go adding more to the list. I don't find my asexuality a problem, so I don't care."

He kind of blushed and apologized -- and that was from a professor in counseling. Youtube? Yeah, let's not go prodding that one with anything shorter than a ten foot pole.

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asanaambitions

I did once have a bf who, feeling shitty about my lack of desire for sex told me I should get my hormones checked. Back then I honestly didn't even really know that asexuality was a thing, and since I'd been told so often that I was abnormal and something was wrong with me I figured he must know what he was talking about so I went to the Dr. Admittedly I felt pretty vindicated that my hormone levels were indeed in the normal range, with slightly elevated testosterone, meaning I actually had a very good sex drive, I was just lacking the desire to follow through. It turned out to be useful when I had the next two bf's say similar things and I got to respond with "No, my hormones and sex drive are fine according to the Dr, I'd just rather read my book than go through the 5 minutes you call a good time."

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Touchofinsight

Honestly I feel like its a legitimate reaction and a legitimate possibility because most people see a lack of libido/attraction as an unhealthy thing to an individual and if you felt that way going to see the doctor would be a good thing. However if the mere mention of this suggestion offends you or makes you feel outwardly hostile to just the very idea then I would say you may have some self esteem issues. If it isn't a problem for you (being asexual/not having attraction or a libido etc) then just say that.

Say something like:

"While I appreciate your concern I don't find my asexuality an issue that I have to see my doctor about even if on the slim chance i had a hormone imbalance/deficiency".

Just own your asexuality. Own your identity and be confident.

However I do understand some people can say such things in a snarky demeaning tone as well.

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