kelz.818 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 usually i try to stay away from labels as much as possible but lately i find myself wanting to know exactly where my orientation fits. i find myself romantically, sensually and aestheically attracted to people of any gender, i do consider myself pan but when it comes to sexual attraction im completely lost. I fantasize about being with people sexually a lot but when it comes to the actual act in reality i have no interest. i actually get really uncomfortable about the thought. i dont get uncomfortable with sensuality but i freak out as soon as its time for the clothes to come off and just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. i have been with people of different genders and i feel the same way everytime. but then later i can go home and fantasize about being with the person sexually and enjoy it. what are your opinions on my situation and orientation? am i just afraid of intimacy? and how would i move past this? any thoughts greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Four Eyed Lemon Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I kind of get the straying away from labels thing, but I also think it's a personal preference. Some people don't like labels, and some people like them because it's sort of an 'there's a name for this thing I'm feeling!' moment. I'm among the latter camp, personally. But as far as what you're feeling? It might be something like autochorissexual. That's defined as "Autochorissexual - a person experiences a disconnect between themselves and what they’re desiring. So they might enjoy erotica or porn, but feel no desire to participate in the activities they’re fantasizing about." Here's a tumblr post I found about some sexual orientations on the ace spectrum. Not sure if it's complete but it should be a starting point. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 As long as you know what you want and do not want, are ok with and not ok with, labels are not really needed (not sure if they are ever "needed", but they can be fun). As to what you described: I've heard many asexuals describe things like that, and I am one of them. I'm totally ok with fantasizing about it, but it is nothing I want to live out irl. Fantasy and reality are quite different. Link to post Share on other sites
AveSatanas Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I kind of get the straying away from labels thing, but I also think it's a personal preference. Some people don't like labels, and some people like them because it's sort of an 'there's a name for this thing I'm feeling!' moment. I'm among the latter camp, personally. But as far as what you're feeling? It might be something like autochorissexual. That's defined as "Autochorissexual - a person experiences a disconnect between themselves and what they’re desiring. So they might enjoy erotica or porn, but feel no desire to participate in the activities they’re fantasizing about." Here's a tumblr post I found about some sexual orientations on the ace spectrum. Not sure if it's complete but it should be a starting point. I didn't know about this term autochorissexual, but I felt the same as what you described for years when I was a teen and a young adult. As I have gotten older I've had some really nasty experiences with mental illness driving hypersexuality and now I'm just completely shut down sexually. I don't want sex or romance or sensuality. But I do know what you're talking about and it seemed weird to me at the time but I couldn't do anything to change it, because I had no access to any information or advice. For me the disconnect comes from being neurodiverse and just flat out not liking touch that is too stimulating. Good luck with you explorations and I hope you find some answers Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I can't remember the exact label, but I heard one discribed as being "enjoying fantisizing, reading, and/or watching sexual acts, but has not desire to participate." That kind of sounds like what you described. Link to post Share on other sites
Absol Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I'm just going to throw it out there that asexuals can watch porn, read erotic literature, and fantasize about sex, while still remaining asexual and having no sexual attraction. Just because something seems nice in your head, doesn't mean you actually would want to do it in real life. So no matter how much you enjoy fantasizing about sex, it is perfectly fine to call yourself asexual if you want to, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I'm just going to throw it out there that asexuals can watch porn, read erotic literature, and fantasize about sex, while still remaining asexual and having no sexual attraction. Just because something seems nice in your head, doesn't mean you actually would want to do it in real life. So no matter how much you enjoy fantasizing about sex, it is perfectly fine to call yourself asexual if you want to, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. ^_^ ^This^ The label I was trying to remember was considered a part of asexuality. Like an asexual who likes to fantasize, as opposed to one who doesn't. I don't know, I was too busy being excited about finding my own I didn't give it a whole lot of thought at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
BusTotem Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I treat most labels as diagnostic. I have a couple that I never tell people because there's just no point. They sound snowflakey, and I looked at it and said "Oh, okay, that's what that is called." But I see no reason to talk to anybody about it. Link to post Share on other sites
kelz.818 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 thank you everyone. i personally really dont like labels, as i said, but when talking to people and potential SOs and they start asking questions regarding orientation and identity, im always at a loss for words. how do i describe who i am? i usually change the subject or just say im bi or pan so theyll accept that and stop asking. to tell them im asexual opens a whole new can of worms. peoplecan be so ignorant. thank you all for your help. greatly appreciated :) Link to post Share on other sites
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